{"id":1637,"date":"2014-06-18T03:50:28","date_gmt":"2014-06-18T10:50:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.enannysource.com\/blog\/?p=1637"},"modified":"2014-06-18T03:50:28","modified_gmt":"2014-06-18T10:50:28","slug":"building-boundaries-how-to-cope-with-overbearing-grandparents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.enannysource.com\/blog\/index.php\/2014\/06\/18\/building-boundaries-how-to-cope-with-overbearing-grandparents\/","title":{"rendered":"Building Boundaries: How to Cope With Overbearing Grandparents"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"gparents\"<\/a>Grandparents can be some of the most positive influences in your children\u2019s lives, but without boundaries, they can often take over and undermine your efforts, especially when it comes to discipline.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important for everyone \u2013 parents, nannies and children \u2013 to have a positive relationship with the grandparents. Establishing boundaries is the first step in maintaining this bond.<\/p>\n

The Challenges<\/b><\/p>\n

One of the biggest challenges that a parent or nanny can face with grandparents is being undermined, says Dr. Judi Cineas<\/a>, Florida-based psychotherapist. \u201cThat can affect their confidence as parents, their relationship with the partner as well as the relationship with the children,\u201d she says. \u201cOverbearing grandparents have a tendency to get into the mix and sometimes even forget that their children are now adults with their own children.\u201d<\/p>\n

While they are usually acting from a good place, their constant attempts to make these younger parents the parents that they once were or wanted to be often has more negative than contributing effects, says Cineas.<\/p>\n

Over-indulging can also be an issue. \u201cMany parents struggle with grandparents who shower gifts and candy upon their children,\u201d says Susan Eppley, certified parenting coach and owner of The Parent Coaches<\/a>. \u201cWhile my response to clients who complain about mild \u2018spoiling\u2019 by grandparents is to allow them to do it, there are grandparents who cross the line. These grandparents will drop by without warning, undermine disciplinary efforts by allowing certain foods or behaviors behind the parents\u2019 back and buy the children loads of toys that end up crowding the parents\u2019 home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eppley suggests creating a family mission statement to minimize many of these challenges. \u201cThis will help mom and dad forge a foundation for the family and then create a vision for each of their children and share both with the grandparents,\u201d she says. \u201cThat way, when the grandparents do something counter to the mission and vision, they can remind them of the end-game. This puts the entire family on the same page and helps prevent arguments.\u201d<\/p>\n

How to Establish Boundaries<\/b><\/p>\n

The first and probably most important thing that parents or nannies need to do is speak the truth, says Cineas. \u201cBeing honest and being respectful are not mutually exclusive \u2013 you can actually do both,\u201d she says. \u201cParents need to be very direct when speaking to their own parents about such behaviors. Don\u2019t let it linger \u2013 if you start to feel there is a problem when the children are toddlers, don\u2019t wait to address it when they are teens.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cineas recommends the following:<\/p>\n