Glenda Propst on 10 Things Nannies Must Know Before Accepting a Live-In Position

February 7, 2013

It happens more than you may think. Live-in nannies being let go on the spot by their employers, left with no car, no savings and no place to go. Veteran nanny and industry leader Glenda Propst of www.NannyTransitions.com put together this article to educate nannies on what they should know before accepting a live-in position. – Michelle LaRowe, Editor in Chief

In many parts of the country where housing is less affordable, live-in nannies are more common. When you live in someone else’s home, their home becomes your work place, which certainly has its advantages; the greatest of being you have no rent payment and no commute.

But before accepting a nanny position that requires you to live in someone else’s home, there are important things that should you must consider. It is one thing to lose your job, but it’s another thing to lose your job and your home on the same day.

Before accepting a live-in position, it’s important to consider the following things.

1. The details of your work agreement. Have a work agreement that defines your hours and your responsibilities. To succeed as a live-in nanny, you have to set clear boundaries so that you don’t find yourself working when you are supposed to be off duty.
2. Your privacy needs. Discuss the importance of privacy in the job interview and be sure to let your employer know that you want a lock on your door. A private entrance would be nice, but don’t settle for anything less than a lock on your door, even if you have to buy it yourself.
3. A departure timeline. Have a section in your work agreement that addresses a departure timeline, should you be terminated or choose to leave the job. Be sure that your work agreement gives you ample time to find a place to go or provides you with an early exit check so that you have money for a place to stay until you figure out your next move.
4. How you’ll make connections. When you move to a new location, make connections. Seek out the local nanny support group. Ask your employer to introduce you to nannies she knows. Find a church or other organization so that you can begin to establish yourself in a community.
5. A 3 stage back-up plan. If something happens and you have to leave your job unexpectedly, have a 24 hour plan. Have at least one person that you know that you can stay with for at least one night. Ideally, if you have 2 or 3 people like this it would give you time to figure out what you are going to do. Know what you’re doing to do that day, for the next two weeks and for the long haul, should you be faced with losing your live-in job unexpectedly.
6. Living one day at a time. Remember that you can only live one day at a time, so if you lose your job you can’t immediately figure out what you are going to do the rest of your life. Try to break things down into smaller steps and figure things out for short periods of time. Where can I store my belongings? Do I know someone that would let me stay with them for a short time? Make your plan now so should you need it, all you have to do is execute it.
7. Your immediate needs. Be prepared to take care of your immediate needs first. Know who you can count on to lend a hand and ask friends and family if you can add them to your emergency exit plan contact list.
8. You’ll need time to secure a new position. Don’t walk into the first nanny agency you see, disheveled and crying “I lost my job! I need something quick!” Give yourself a day or two to figure out what your next step might be. When you’ve processed your situation, prepared your plan and evaluated your needs, you’ll be able to conduct your job search more effectively.
9. The status of your emergency funds. Having a few months’ worth of living expenses saved up can prevent a job ending badly from turning your life into a downward spiral. Knowing you have the funds to fly home, to stay in a hotel or to rent a car to travel to a friend’s house can make a huge difference in the immediate outcome of your situation.  If you can tuck away even $25 a week for your emergency fund, it will be a lifesaver if the inevitable happens.
10. The realities of your position. Hope for the best prepare for the worst. Do not lull yourself into a false sense of security and think “This could never happen to me.” Any live-in nanny at any time could be faced with losing her job and her home.

If you are unhappy in your job, it is almost a guarantee that your employer is unhappy with you too. And when a job goes south, it happens faster than you could ever imagine. Tensions swell, emotions rise and action comes swiftly.

As a live-in nanny, you need to make connections wherever you live. Whenever you live in someone else’s home, you are vulnerable and must prepare to care for yourself immediately should the need arise.

Glenda Propst has spent the last 28 years working as both a live-in and a live-out nanny. She has been with her current family for 19 years. Glenda lives in St. Louis with her husband Terry, and their cat LeRoy. Through her site, www.NannyTransitions.com, she offers support, guidance and advice to nannies who are in the process of leaving their work families. 

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Expert Insights: Ilene Dillon, LMFT and LCSW on Kids and Co-Dependence

February 5, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Recently I had the pleasure of connecting with Ilene Dillon, LMFT, LCSW, author and life coach. As a seasoned family therapist, she’s a wealth of information about all things family, so I took the opportunity to get her take on children and co-dependence. Here’s what she had to say.

eNannySource:  What is co-dependence?

Ilene: There is no one who can get more tired than someone caring for a young infant. Why is this? It’s because infants are totally helpless and need someone to care for their every need in order to survive. Not only does the caretaker have to do the caring, but s/he must figure out what the child needs as well. This is much more difficult to do than we think, especially when your infant is uncomfortable and screaming!

When your child is an infant, you are willing to have that individual “use you,” taking up your time, your emotions, your energy and your caring. This is the design of things. We are all born co-dependent, meaning we need to have someone (I call that person an “energy broker”) who helps us exchange what we need with the world. As infants, this means getting messages about what is needed “out,” while also getting what is needed to be “brought in” by the “broker.” We parents love our little babies and realize that this broker position is part of the deal—it’s what our child needs in order to survive and begin to grow up. We allow our baby to manipulate us (note that I use two other terms interchangeably with co-dependence:  manipulation and energy-sapping). And even though we may get tired, we love it!

What does this look like when your child is 53 years old, however, and is still expecting another person (a broker) to allow the use of that individual’s energy for whatever your adult child needs to exchange with the world? It’s not pretty. Lots of people want to tell this person to “grow up”! Co-dependence is a term that has been developed to describe this condition: when an adult-appearing individual utilizes another adult’s energy, usually without conscious agreement from the broker. I call a person behaving in this way a “Lifestyle Energy Sapper,” one who knows of no other way to live than to live enmeshed with other people, needing them to be a part of whatever that individual is doing in the world.

Interestingly, most people with whom I have discussed co-dependence believe that it is “normal.” I do not agree. I believe that humans are designed to grow out of co-dependence, just as we grow out of bed-wetting. Sadly, most parents have not been apprised of this possibility, and so they don’t offer the help children need in order to grow past co-dependence. We have accepted that “everybody manipulates,” not realizing that manipulation may be common, but it’s not really “normal”!

eNannySource:  When do children begin to grow out of it?

Ilene: Remember when your two-year old was announcing “me do it myself!”? Two year olds are driven to begin growing out of co-dependence. Unfortunately for them, however, their body and brain have not yet developed to the point where they can put energy mainly through themselves. They still need a broker for a while.

Somewhere between the ages of 3 and 4, a child develops the ability to ask for what s/he wants, to pull the blanket up to keep warm, to get a glass of water on his/her own and to do a lot of things without needing to have a broker manage the exchange. They’re not perfect at this yet, but it’s the time humans can begin to grow out of energy-sapping and move toward adulthood. As childhood goes on, that child is designed to take on more and more of the responsibility for exchanging energy directly with his/her world.

Babies “need” another person to act as a broker; without such a broker they will die. Adults, on the other hand, “want” to have others be with them, give to them and work on their behalf, but without such behaviors from other adults, they will still survive. The difference between a co-dependent person and an adult is this very difference between “need” and “want.”

eNannySource:  What things hamper a child’s independence?

Ilene: Parents usually miss helping their child grow out of co-dependence for three reasons. First, they don’t know that children need help with this part of life, so they don’t give it. Second, they believe that asking a small child to start taking responsibility for his/her life is too much (even when the child takes over this responsibility gradually). Third, they are themselves manipulative (never grew out of it), and therefore feel they “need” to stay enmeshed with their children, not at all wishing those children to develop independence.

These are the biggest reasons children have difficulty becoming independent, too. Couple them with the fear most parents have about children being kidnapped, sexually abused or hurt, and parents begin to hover in the style that has been called “helicopter parenting.” This style of parenting can cripple children for life, even though the parents are operating from loving concern. Hara Moreno, an editor for Psychology Today magazine, has written A Nation of Wimps, an exposition of what this costs our children and our democracy. Being fearful, helicopter parents who don’t allow our children independence also robs them of their ability to make good decisions and develop confidence in themselves.

eNannySource:  What can parents do to help them grow out of it?

Ilene: To help our children grow out of co-dependence, we need to 1) Realize they need our help. 2) Encourage our child(ren) to take as much responsibility as they want to or can (without heavy overload), realizing that responsibility is one of the primary building blocks of self-esteem, and that all children experience a drive to be in charge of their own lives and choices. We can partner with our children on this, allowing them to be independent decision-makers, based on their capability and level of development. 3) Address our own co-dependence, moving ourselves to “want” from others, but not to be in “need” of others for our well-being in our own lives.

eNannySource:  What are your best three tips for raising independent children?

Ilene: Ultimately, parents want to raise children to live comfortably both independently and inter-dependently.

There are three good ways to do this. 1) Encourage your child to make decisions from the very early years, managing the early-years decisions by giving only two possibilities at a time, and gradually allowing more choices as your child matures. 2) Allow your child to make mistakes. Celebrate the mistakes as well as the great decisions. Jim Fay (Love and Logic Institute) says he is happy when he learns that a child has made a mistake because he knows that child is in process of learning something!  3) Review choices your child has made with him or her, determining whether the outcome is what s/he desires. If it is not, guide your child in making and testing a new choice. This will build your child’s confidence in his/her ability to make decisions and trust his/her judgment!

eNannySource:  Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Ilene: Many people believe manipulation is harmless. It is not. When individuals grow bodies that look adult, but are operating emotionally like a three year old (which is what happens when we don’t grow out of manipulation), their lives can become very painful. They are easily involved in abusive relationships, for example. Abusive relationships result when two people are so fearful of being separate (independent) that they remain in situations where they are not treated well.

Therapists do not work with abuse perpetrators and victims in the same therapy sessions, usually, because it is so difficult to determine who really is the perpetrator and who really is the victim! When we have two individuals who are afraid they won’t survive if they don’t hang on to that other person, each becomes helpless and ineffectual. To make up for this, they attempt to control each other. Nobody likes to be controlled, so anger develops. You can see the loop of abuse and co-dependence developing as I describe the scenario. As a parent, you can protect your child from getting into abusive relationships by assisting them to grow out of co-dependence, as humans are really designed to do!

Then, your child will become an adult who is comfortable being alone as well as being together with partners. S/he will be able to set clear and firm boundaries, which in turn allows for greater intimacy and closeness. Your adult child will feel confident, be able to trust his/her judgment and know what good decisions s/he is capable of making. You’ll be delighted to have raised a child to adulthood who can stand tall, be emotionally self-reliant, and who still is able to connect deeply with others.

Ilene Dillon, LMFT and LCSW, is a family and life coach, author, teleseminar leader, professional speaker and has worked for 40 years as a California-based Family Therapist. Get your free 10-page report on Incredible Communication by visiting Ilene at www.raiseincrediblekids.com. Ilene is the author of The ABCs of Anger: Building Emotional Foundations for Life, The ABCs of Love, The ABCs of Loneliness, and When Fledglings Return: How to Stay Sane and Loving When Adult Children Come Back Home to Stay (Kindle). Contact Ilene at admin@raiseincrediblekids.com

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Expert Insights: With Deborah Gilboa, MD of AskDoctorG.com

February 4, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

If anyone understands the plight of the working mom, it is Deborah Gilboa, MD., a board certified family physician and mother of four. Dr. Gilboa, better known as Dr. G., shares parenting advice and answers parenting questions on her website www.AskDoctorG.com. Recently I had the chance to connect with Dr. G and ask her some of the most pressing questions parents have. Here’s what she had to say.

eNannySource: With four boys and a medical practice how do you manage kids, career and home?

Doctor G.: I am incredibly lucky! My husband and I each work part-time and structure our schedule so that one of us is always free to be home with the kids. Also, we had the good sense to move close to my mother-in-law, who is very involved with us and the boys.

eNannySource: What’s your best advice for new moms?

Doctor G.: There is no “right” answer. You will not always feel like you have it all together. Guess what? No one does! Even that mom who shows up with her two month old in an adorable outfit with no stains and the matching car seat cover, who looks like she stepped off a magazine cover? She gets frustrated, overwhelmed and stuck often too. Give yourself the gift of some forgiveness and remember that no one knows this baby better than you and your partner do. Trust your instincts.

eNannySource: What about moms who struggle with guilt? What do you say to working moms?

Doctor G.: I say that you have to look at your life and make sure you are passing on to your kids the values that matter to you. Working moms pass on great values – independence, responsibility and resilience are just a few! If guilt is telling you that your life has gotten away from your priorities, then look for a way to make a shift. If you are living your necessities and priorities, then let the guilt go, it’s an indulgence you don’t have need (or time) for!

eNannySource: When it comes to tragedies, how much information should parents share with their kids? What should say they say?

Doctor G.: Parents need to first look at the ages and development of their kids. When tragedies occur in the world, but don’t directly touch your kids, sometimes they do not need to know. The tragedies that do touch your family need to be shared with kids, so that they can get experience and practice at expressing their emotions and recovering from adversity. When you do share difficulties or tragedies, give kids information in small bites so they have a chance to ask the questions they have. Then, don’t try to tell them how to feel, just reflect back to them what you hear. “I hear you say you are angry that happened, and scared.” Lastly, point out the acts of compassion and humanity that surround tragedies, and give kids that want to an opportunity to do something meaningful to help.

eNannySource: What’s the most common behavioral problem today’s parents are experiencing? What’s your best advice?

Doctor G.: The behavioral problem I hear about most often is “a bad attitude.” This usually describes a child who is talking back or refusing to do what a parent or other adult has asked. My answer is this: Kids need very badly to learn what respectful communication looks like. We need to model it, give examples and require them to speak to us this way. If we don’t do all these things, children and teens will be shocked when a teacher or boss refuses to listen. Explain what you expect, give good examples and set down consequences if your child doesn’t speak respectfully, all the time, no matter how bad their mood. Then enforce those consequences. And do your very best not to take your own bad moods out on your kids.

eNannySource: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Doctor G.: On YouTube, I have a series of 1-2 minute parenting tips, each with one way to make kids as respectful, responsible and resilient as you want them to be. I hope your readers will check these out and subscribe or share them!

Lastly, I’m thrilled to be hosting a new parenting show for PBS, “iQ SmartParent.” This is a show with tools for parents (and nannies!) to raise media-savvy kids in the 21st century. Our first episode, all about video and online games, will be available in its entirety in late February online. I hope you’ll all check it out!

Doctor G. (Deborah Gilboa, MD) has been empowering parents around the country to increase their knowledge and utilize the parenting instincts they already have, but that have been dampened by stress, doubt and guilt, so that they may raise their kids to be people they respect and admire. As a Board Certified Family Physician, mother of four and a professional parenting speaker and writer, she follows four basic principles when guiding parents from toddlerhood to young adulthood – Respect, Responsibility, Responsiveness and Resilience. To learn more about Doctor G. visit www.askdoctorg.com. 

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10 Questions with Peter Shankman On Expecting a Baby

February 4, 2013

with Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

At the 2012 INA Annual Conference, I had the opportunity to meet Peter Shankman, the king of all things social media, public relations and marketing. If you happen to follow Peter on Facebook, you know he’s pretty transparent and super interactive. So when his Facebook status showed a picture of funny-faced Peter with a caption mentioning he was bored in a taxi, I jumped at the opportunity to help cure his boredom and emailed over 10 questions about his recent big announcement: He’s having a baby!

Here’s what I asked him and what he had to say.

#1 When is your baby due?

April 24

#2 How did your wife tell you?

She was so shocked (we weren’t trying) that she called me on my mobile when I was on the Metro in DC. “Hey hon, what’s up?” “I’m pregnant.” “Um… OK then.”

#3 What was your initial response?

Floored, then I looked around at the eight people on the Metro with me and was like, “Should I tell them this?”

#4 What scares you?

Not being able to be there for her at any time.

#5 What doesn’t?

Lots of things scare me. That’s how you know you’re alive. I’m not scared that she’s going to be creative and talented. It’s in both family bloodlines. 🙂

#6 What’s the one thing you want to teach your child?

Be honest, be true to yourself, and ALWAYS listen to your gut.

#7 What’s the one thing you don’t?

I don’t want her to care about what other people think about her. Some will love her, some will hate her. I wasted WAY too much time in my life caring what people who didn’t matter thought about me.

#8 How do you plan to balance being in parent in the public eye?

It’s very simple: She’ll come first. Family first, always.

#9 Will you cut back on travel?

I might in the beginning, but during Hurricane Sandy, my wife’s office was closed for a week, and we were home all week together. By the fourth day, she was like, “Um, don’t you have a trip to take or something?” 🙂

#10 How about sky diving or other adventures?

You’ve got to live your life. My “control-alt-delete-brain-reset” is skydiving. It’s what I need to do to be the best person I can be, and alternately, the best father I can be to my daughter. I believe that if it’s your time, it’s your time. Wouldn’t you be SO angry if you quit skydiving to be “safer,” and then, the day after you did, you were hit by a pie truck and killed?

Peter is entrepreneur, speaker, worldwide connector and author of Can We Do That?! Outrageous PR Stunts That Work and Why Your Company Needs Them (Wiley and Sons 2006) and Customer Service: New Rules for a Social-Enabled World (Que/Pearson, 2010).  You can learn more about Peter at http://shankman.com and follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/PeterShankman. 

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Ways to Motivate Your Nanny to Provide Exceptional Care

January 29, 2013

Is your nanny consistently forgetting to pick up after she prepares meals in the kitchen? Does the children’s laundry seem to get forgotten? Do you feel like your nanny could spend more time engaging, rather than entertaining the kids? If so, she may need some serious motivation to pick up the slack.

While salary increases and bonuses are always a surefire way to encourage exceptional care, there are other things you can do that won’t cost you a dime and will benefit you and your family in the long run.

Be flexible. As much as you may not like to admit it, your nanny has a life that is completely her own. She has family, friends, personal and professional commitments that she too must devote her time and energy to. If your nanny knows you’re willing to be flexible, she’ll be more willing to schedule even the most necessary appointments around your schedule. When employers are inflexible, their nannies often end up feeling like getting time off isn’t option, so they neglect their own needs, which then results in them calling into work at the last minute to meet them out of necessity. Allowing your nanny time off to make appointments or tend to personal needs goes a long way in motivating your nanny to provide outstanding childcare.  When she feels that you are flexible, she’ll be more willing to be flexible as well.

Allow some freedom. No one really enjoys being micromanaged. While you’ll want to create a framework for your nanny to successfully follow your childrearing preferences and practices, give her a little leeway when it makes sense. Although you may want your child to play outdoors each day, perhaps you can leave it to your nanny to decide whether to take your child to the park, the playground, for a walk or in the backyard. When she feels like she’s trusted, she’ll be motivated to keep that trust.

Let her make a difference.  Give your nanny the authority to make a difference in the lives of your children and your family. Let her organize the children’s playroom or help pick out new toys and clothes for the kids. Encourage her to suggest books that they should add to the family library. Listen to her advice and suggestions when it comes to caring for your child. While you don’t have to do everything she says, simply hearing her out will make her feel like she’s respected. When she feels respected, she’ll be motivated to keep that respect.

Offer positive, purposeful praise.  Everyone likes to hear when their employer thinks they’ve done a good job. Making a positive comment about how your nanny comforted your child when he fell, how she got him to try a new food or how she helped him learn to share will boost her morale and confidence and let her know she’s appreciated. Take the opportunity to communicate with your nanny when you’ve seen her do something well. When she feels valued, she’ll be motivated to bring value.

Managing a household employee isn’t easy. Trying to conduct a business relationship in an intimate setting can be tough.  Building a relationship with your nanny that allows for continual motivation can help to not only increase the quality of care your child receives, it can also bring out the best in your employee and help deepen her dedication and commitment to her job.

 

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Expert Insights with Lifestyle Photographer Becca DuVal

January 27, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Anyone who has tried to capture a photo of their infant or toddler knows what a challenge that can be; never mind trying to get one decent family photo, which can prove to be both an all-day and very frustrating affair. So I reached out to Becca DuVal, a lifestyle photographer who makes capturing kids and families look easy, and picked her brain about what makes a good photo and what tips work best for capturing kids on go. Here’s what she had to share.

eNannySource: What makes a great family photo?

Becca DuVal: I would describe the perfect family photo with one word: genuine. Each person’s personality should shine through – what they’re wearing, how they’re posed, how they’re interacting with the rest of the subjects. You want to look back at these photos years from now and see it as a true representation of how your family was at this point in time.

eNannySource: How can you get kids to cooperate during a photo shoot?

Becca DuVal: Sorry moms – toss out that stash of candy! I’ve never known a bribe to work. Even if the kid is cooperative, the best shot I get out of a promise of a sleepover or dinner at a favorite restaurant is the pained, over-enthusiastic smiles. If you’ve tried it at home, you know exactly the type I mean!

My “secret” is to keep things light and have fun with it. Let the kids do the directing. You want to spin in your pretty dress now? Fantastic! Is it time to play with your action figures in the mud? That’s ok too! If a photo session feels like playtime, kids last much longer and fill the time with real genuine smiles.

Meltdown-mode anyway? Distract, distract, distract. It works with my toddler screaming in the grocery store aisles (Singing broccoli!? Whoever saw such a thing?) and it will work with even the most fussy of children in front of the camera (start perfecting those ridiculous animal impersonations now!)

eNannySource: What’s your best tips for moms and nannies trying to capture the perfect shot?

Becca DuVal: It’s great to go into a photo session with a “perfect shot” in mind. But if your kids are anything like mine, they won’t always cooperate with your Pinterest-inspired vision. Get creative and work with what you’ve got! My favorite photos are almost always “Plan B”s.

eNannySource: What’s the best background for family photos?

Becca DuVal: There is no one-size-fits-all approach to family photos. Your setting should be a representation of your family – are you country folk? Beach bums? City slickers? Pick accordingly!

If your options are limited – don’t stress! I’ve taken fantastic photos feet from a dumpster. Just be aware of your background, and find a perspective that offers the fewest distractions. (Sand dunes are prettier than that stranger’s tan lines. And a tree scape makes a better background than all those cars in the parking lot.)

eNannySource: Is it easier to capture indoor or outdoor photos?

Becca DuVal: Outdoors! Natural light (from the sun) is always more flattering than artificial light. Pop outside, turn off your flash, keep your subjects’ backs to the sun and snap away!

eNannSource: Any other words of wisdom you’d like to share?

Becca DuVal: Don’t forget to get in the photo, too! Maybe your hair appointment isn’t until next week, or your favorite outfit is in the wash – but I promise the kids won’t care when they’re grown and flipping through albums in search of memories with you in them.

Becca DuVal is a lifestyle photographer in Richmond, Virginia. She shares her love of natural-light photography with local families between playtime with her toddler and date nights with her husband. Follow her personal and professional journey on her Facebook page and find more helpful photography tips on her blog. To learn more about Becca visit www.beccaduvalphotography.com. 

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Expert Insights with Early Intervention Specialist Bambi Rosario-Wyatt

January 24, 2013

When it comes to helping young children reach their fullest potential, Bambi Rosario-Wyatt does just that. Serving as a certified Early Invention Specialist, Bambi supports families and helps enhance the development of the children she works with by providing specialized services.

Recently I had a chance to connect with Bambi and pick her brain on how parents and caregivers can support the healthy growth and development of children. Here’s what she had to share.

eNannySource: How important are developmental milestones?  Where can parents find a quality list of them?

Bambi: Developmental milestones help parents and caregivers in understanding when and how development takes place.  Knowing approximately when a child will begin to learn a new skill and how other children their age are mastering it helps to know if your child is on track with their development or if they might need some support.

There are three websites that I use when sharing information about milestones and to get answers to parent’s questions.  They are: www.cdc.gov, www.kidshealth.org and www.zerotothree.org.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has great lists of milestones starting from 1 month up to 5 years of age, as well as a checklist for a parent to use to see if their child is doing what is expected for their age.  Just type “developmental milestones” in their search engine and you’ll be able to click on the age you need and see what your child should be doing.  You can also look at the next age range to see what comes next in your child’s development.  The KidsHealth website is a great place to visit when you have questions about how your child is developing or how they are acting. The Zero to Three website is run by a non-profit organization and they publish a journal bi-monthly.  They promote the mental and developmental health of infants and toddlers.  They have great information, but their site isn’t as easy to navigate.

eNannySource: What should parents do if they realize their children aren’t meeting them and how can they get the help that may be needed?

Bambi: If you believe that your child isn’t meeting his/her milestones, don’t worry.  Talk to your pediatrician about your concerns.  If your pediatrician tells you not to worry, but you are still concerned, you can contact your local Early Intervention program for a child from birth to 3 or your local school department for children over 3.

You do not need to be referred to Early Intervention.  Early Intervention is available in all 50 states because it is a mandated service by the Federal government.  However, the way it is handled differs from state to state.  The program should be listed in your local phone book or you can look them up on the web.  You can call your local school department and discuss your concerns with the early childhood personnel.  After your discussion, follow up with a written letter with your concerns and request a screening for your child.

eNannySource:  I’ve heard mixed things on crawling? Is that still an important milestone?

Bambi: Crawling is an important milestone because the physical movement of crawling leads to so many other areas of development that could be effected if a child doesn’t crawl.  When an infant learns to crawl they develop coordination between their upper body and lower body.  They build up the strength in their upper body so that they can create breath control for talking, wrist rotation for feeding and writing and most of all they teach their brain to communicate with both sides of their body equally.

eNannySource: What can parents and caregivers do to help children reach their milestones?

Bambi: Parents and caregivers can be aware of the milestones and when children typically reach them.  Play and have fun with your child.  Spend time with the child reading and talking; offer a variety of stimulation such as playing outside in all kinds of weather (appropriately dressed of course); going to the grocery store (talk about what you are going to get, what things you see, etc); participate in community playgroups with children of similar ages (mixed age groups work well too); visit your local library (children begin to learn the rules if they are exposed to them early); play and enjoy your child.

eNannySource: What are the best types of activities parents can do with babies? With toddlers? With preschoolers?

Bambi: Wow, this question could be a whole column by itself.  But I will try and be selective with the ones I think are most important.

My first advice for babies would be let them play on the floor.  They need time on their tummy in order for motor developmental progressions to occur.  But first an infant must like being put on their tummy before they are interested in crawling (usually between 6 and 9 months of age).  Many people report that their infant doesn’t like being on their tummy.  And that could be true, but it is so important for them to spend time there.  It helps to build up their upper body strength so they can lift up and support their head.  The infant works on raising their upper body and being able to move (pivoting, inching forward, crawling, creeping, etc.).  So, in order to achieve this, caregivers need to encourage more and longer time on their tummy.  It could be done in increments over the course of a day, 1 to 2 minutes at a time, several times during the day, trying to build up to longer periods of time.  It can be laying on top of the caregiver, face-to-face so that it is combined with social time; it can be laying on the couch while someone is sitting on the floor talking to them or entertaining them with a toy; it can be laying on the bed while the caregiver lays next to them or placing a mirror so the baby can see themselves; or it could be on the floor, with toys that interest them or a person entertaining them.  Read to them.  It can be your magazine; read it out loud for him/her to hear.  It can be the local paper, an instruction manual, anything. Use a sing song style voice and have fun.

For toddlers, let them explore.  Textures are important to them as they move from mouthing everything they get their hands on to using their eyes and other senses to learn about their environment.  It is okay to play with your food at the high chair.  Usually once a child is finished eating they stop putting the food into their mouth and begin to explore.  There could be a mess at the end, but think about all the learning that is going on.  Look at books; at first just point to pictures and talk about what is going on in the picture on each page (or every couple of pages); don’t read the words (yet).  You can label items, animals, people names, etc.  Enjoy the time with them on your lap, sitting on the couch together, or where ever you can get them to sit.  It will be a short burst of time to start, but will increase over time.  As they start using more and more words you can talk about where you are going in the car, who you will be seeing, what you will do when you get there, etc.  Give toddlers information: this age range is dependent upon routines.  They do not understand the concept of time, but do remember orders of things.  Try and give warnings when things may be different.  If you have a child who has trouble with transitions (moving from one thing/activity to the next) then give warnings (5 minutes, then 2 minutes, then 1 minute).  Make sure that you have their attention before giving information.  If they aren’t looking at you there is a good chance that they aren’t hearing you.

For preschoolers; Play.  Provide a variety of materials for children to make things from.  Let their imaginations develop and mature.  Find toys that increase their creative play.  If all of the child’s toys talk for them, then why do they need to talk?  If you have a farm and animals that makes all the noise for them, take the batteries out.  Encourage narrated play.  Vehicles make noises, people make noises, animals make noises, etc.  A language rich environment helps vocabulary to grow and children learn how to make language work if their vocabulary is big enough.  Socialization with peers is important too, but not too much structure.  Let the children play and learn how to work things out for themselves.  If things begin to get too out of hand, then it’s time for an adult to step in and help them work things out.  Give them options and create the words that they need to use.  Read with them.  At this age they enjoy simple words on the pages of the books.  They will choose a favorite one and you’ll be reading it over and over again.  This is great.  Soon they will be “reading” it to you.  You can read the words and leave off the last one before turning the page and let them finish the word.  Once they know the book you can begin to substitute new words and see their reaction.  It will become fun for you both.

eNannySource: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Bambi: Children are fun.  Enjoy them while they are little in whatever way you are able.  Many families have to send their children to child care or have a care taker come to their home to care for their children.  Visit several child care facilities before making a decision.  Make sure to interview several people before making that final choice.  It will take time, but will be worth the effort when you find the caring place or individual that fits your child’s and your needs.  Being cared for by someone other than a parent isn’t a bad thing.  Children develop relationships with all kinds of people and understand who their parents are from a very early age.  When you are with your child just remember to enjoy him.  Be silly and have fun.

And lastly, please let those babies play on the floor.  There are many pieces of equipment out there now that keep a baby upright when what they really need is to be down on the floor.  The walkers, ExerSaucers and jumpers are not needed and can lead to a baby developing their lower muscles more than their uppers.  This is usually why they don’t like time on their tummy or skip crawling and go right to walking.  If you need 10 to 15 minutes for your child to occupy themselves so you can start preparation of dinner or dry your hair, then use one to keep your child safe, but please don’t keep them in there for longer periods of time throughout the day.  It does not help with their typically developing bodies.  When working in the kitchen, place the infant in their high chair and give them a toy to play with instead.  The suction cup toys will stay on the tray and keep them entertained and you can still watch them, talk to them and be “with” them.

Bambi Rosario-Wyatt is a certified Early Intervention Specialist in the state of Massachusetts.  She has her Associates degree in Special Education: Teacher Assistant and her Bachelor’s degree in Human Development with Early Childhood certification.  She has worked at Cape Cod Child Development in Early Intervention (children ages birth to 3, with developmental delays) for nearly 29 years.  Bambi co-facilitates an integrated play group for children in Barnstable weekly and supports families and their children through home visiting in the mid and lower Cape areas.  She is the mother of 4 grown children and grandmother to two teenagers. 

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Expert Insights with Christina M. H. Powell, Ph.D of Question Your Doubts

January 22, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

I reached out to my good friend Dr. Christina Powell and asked her some of the most common faith based questions parents face. As a mother, Harvard trained research scientist and an ordained minister, she’s in a unique position to provide helpful insight. Here’s what she had to say.

eNannySource: What are some practical ways to teach kids about faith?

Dr. Powell: The Bible instructs parents to teach kids about faith “when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 11:19). Everyday moments provide great teaching opportunities for parents to share their faith. A walk in the park exploring nature can lead to a conversation about God as creator. A prayer before mealtime can become a quick lesson on gratitude and God’s provision. Bedtime stories and background music in the home can teach Biblical principles. Children learn about faith best when you weave the lessons into the fabric of family life.

eNannySource: What do you say to parents who are worried their kids won’t behave in church, so they don’t take them?

Dr. Powell: Every child is unique, and churches take varied approaches to children’s ministry. Children should be included in the family’s worship practices so they learn to value church and their place in the Christian community. However, for a season, a parent might need to find a compromise that works for their child and their church. In a church without children’s programs, perhaps an energetic young child can enjoy singing with their parents in the main sanctuary, but may need to leave before the sermon. An imperfect solution that increases a child’s involvement in church is better than an approach that does not include the child.

eNannySource: What is the best way for parents to answer faith-based questions like “Why did grandma die?” or “Who is God?”

Dr. Powell: Children need answers to faith-based questions that deliver the right amount of age-appropriate information. Your answers should be honest and simple, but not sugar coated. Be careful of distorting theology in your attempt to answer the question on the child’s level. As your children develop, you can provide them with more complex answers to meet their growing spiritual needs.

eNannySource: What tips do you have for parents whose children doubt the spiritual truths their parents share with them?

Dr. Powell: Faith is a decision that each person ultimately makes for himself. At some point in the process of learning spiritual truths from parents, children must decide to make their parent’s faith into their own faith. Doubting can be part of this process. With an older child, guiding the child in the process of discovery can be more helpful than directly providing answers. Show the child how to seek answers from the Bible and through prayer. Help the child connect to peers with a solid faith. Introduce the child to books that strengthen faith. Be a mentor, but let the child go through the discovery process.

eNannySource: What role does faith play in the lives of children?

Dr. Powell: Faith can comfort a child in the same way that faith comforts adults, helping children work through their fears and better understand their world. Faith provides stability through the ups and downs of life, giving perspective to successes and failures. Faith also teaches a child how to relate to peers and authority figures and make wise life choices.

eNannySource: What can happen if parents don’t pass on their faith to their children?

Dr. Powell: If parents do not pass their faith to their children, their children may walk away from the faith. Responsibility for the next generation of the church lies primarily with parents. Teachers, pastors and youth leaders can come alongside parents, but no one can replace the role of a parent in a child’s life.

eNannySource: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Dr. Powell: In the process of teaching children about faith, we may find they teach us about faith as well. Jesus told his followers they must become as little children in their hearts when they come to him (Matthew 18:2-4). Our children remind us of the trusting relationship we need to have with God.

Christina M. H. Powell, Ph.D., is an ordained minister, public speaker, and writer trained as a biomedical research scientist at Harvard University. She is also the mother of two girls. She blogs at www.questionyourdoubts.com and is writing her first book exploring the many roots of doubt and the corresponding response of faith.

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Expert Insights: Matthew Haack President of Domestic Estate Managers Association

January 16, 2013

When it comes to private services professionals, there is a fairly new organization in town, the Domestic Estate Managers Association. At the 2012 International Nanny Association annual conference, I had the opportunity to meet Matthew Haack and learn a little about what DEMA is all about. Recently, I took the opportunity to catch up with Matt and get the insider’s scoop on what DEMA’s up to. Here’s what he had to share.

eNannySource: For those who don’t know, what is DEMA?

Matthew: DEMA (Domestic Estate Managers Association) is an association for all Private Service Professionals. Those who hold titles as Estate Manager, Household Manager, Butler, Nannies, Private Chefs and Personal Assistant are all welcome members of DEMA. DEMA provides the Private Service Professional with the immediate educational resources to help protect and provide greater job security for the PSP while increasing professionalism and safety for the principal that they work for.

eNannySource: How does DEMA support nannies?

Matthew: DEMA supports nannies in several ways. The first is if you are a nanny currently looking to for employment, DEMA provides a list of current vetted agencies that are part of our association. These agencies are not only vetted by DEMA through a strict application process but then they are voted on by our Board of Directors from across the country who have used their services. We also have companies that work on resume writing, computer and communication skills all which will increase the opportunity of acquiring that dream job. The second way that DEMA can help nannies is if they are currently employed, at some point a nanny will be asked to take on some management role in the house. It is the job of DEMA to provide any resource that they might needed to accomplish that task safely and efficiently. DEMA has resources for hundreds of vendors across the country and with our network of over 1500 PSP’s across the country there is a great chance that we can locate whatever solution you may be looking for. The third and final way that DEMA can help nannies is guiding them through what we call the transitional period. This is the time when as the children get older the job requirements of the nanny may become less. It is at that point that nannies if they so desire can begin to move into the world of House Management. Several of our members have done so one of which is our current Chapter President in D.C., Kellie Geres. Lastly DEMA offers something that no other association does. Local Chapter Meetings! This is extremely important for the Private Service Professional. This is a very lonely job and not everyone is going to understand the particular frustrations that come with working in private service. Having the ability to be able to communicate with your peers on a regular basis allows PSP’s to stay energized, enthusiastic, and learn new technics on how to handle day to day situations.

eNannySource: When people think of domestic service they may think of Downton Abbey. What’s the same? What’s different?

Matthew: The most important part of Downtown Abbey is the light that it is shining on the somewhat unrecognized industry of private service. One of the most important messages that DEMA feels it has brought light to is how much the private service industry has changed. By this we mean in Downtown Abbey, PSP’s have their own separate service areas and tunnels for secret service built in the basements of these homes. Today however, things have changed from the perspective that PSP’s are not servants they are now managers of the estate. They are asked to do such complicated tasks as come up with operation manuals for different systems within the home, manage vendors, transport the children to the numerous after school events, and make sure that the holiday trip goes smoothly as planned. While a lot has remained the same ie, boundaries between employer and employee, service with a smile and be seen but not heard, many things have changed. It is a new age and with that new age comes different hurdles and obstacles when it comes to in home management.

eNannySource: What does it take to succeed as a modern day domestic?

Matthew: Professionalism. One thing that we have seen over the last 5 years is that when the boundaries of professionalism are crossed feelings become involved and tempers flare resulting in miscommunication, arguments, and some cases termination. This is why DEMA feels so strongly in education. You can’t fix what you don’t know you are doing wrong. Working side by side with peers, industry professionals and vendors DEMA provides the resources necessary to provide the best service that you can provide to your principle. We have a lot of veteran PSP’s out there asking why they should join and what benefit DEMA can provide for them? The answer is simple. We provide the platform so that mistakes of the past can be shared with the next generation and mistakes of the future can be prevented! That is what professionalism is all about, the ability to take on any task and be able to perform it with ease. (At least to the eyes of the principal!)

eNannySource: Do you think those in domestic service like to be called domestics? Why or why not?

Matthew: We think that any term like the staff, the domestic, the worker, can be viewed negative. Just like a janitor is now called the sanitation engineer, a title can make a huge difference in how you perform your job. This is never more apparent than when you call a nanny a babysitter. Try that sometime and see how quickly you will get corrected! All this being said though I would remind all in home staff that they are domestic workers by definition so I don’t think the industry will ever get away from the word domestic. It is just a term and DEMA has decided to call the “Domestic” a “Private Service Professional” because we feel that gives all in-home staff the proper credit that they all deserve.

eNannySource: Is there anything else you’d like to add?

 

Matthew: I would like to thank eNannnysource for the opportunity to get the message about DEMA and who we are out to all of your followers. We feel that it is extremely important to stay educated, up to date, and connected in regards to the latest trends in technology and social aspects of the business. We are here and we invite nannies who would like to join to please feel free to reach out and become a member. Our annual dues are only $75.00 which we feel makes it affordable to anyone either currently in the industry or looking to get into the industry to join. Don’t wait for your friend to join. Become an agent of change, join, and then encourage others to do the same. Together we can build a strong educated community.

Matthew Haack and Michael Wright are the co-founders and president and vice president respectively of the Domestic Estate Managers Association (DEMA). You can learn more about DEMA, membership and their annual conference at http://domesticmanagers.com/. 

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Expert Insights with Stevanne Auerbach, Dr. Toy

January 14, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Several years ago I had the opportunity to meet Dr. Toy and listen in on one of her educational workshops for nannies on all things play. As a play expert and the leading authority on toys, I knew she would have some great insight into the best toys of 2012, the impact of electronic toys, and the importance of play. Here’s some of what she had to share:

eNannySource: What were the top toys for 2012?

Dr. Toy: There are many products offered by many companies, and many top toys every year plus many top classic ones that never go out of style.  It’s always important to know the children’s interests and abilities and locate toys that best fit their age and abilities. There are also many top toy lists to select from, so going to websites in advance helps to find a range of possible products.

Go on a visit to the toy store and listen to what the child likes and use that experience to create a personalized “Wish List.” Children play year round, so toys that are popular in December can and also should be enjoyed later in the year.

Dr. Toy makes toy selections based on types of products including low to high tech, wide age range and price range, and the types of products. You can find the Best Ten Toys and 9 other categories on Dr. Toy’s Guide. We also have created an App, Dr. Toy’s Best Toys Gift Guide

Some popular toys include Lego, Leap Pad 2, Dolls, Hot Wheels, Air Hogs, Pirates (Fisher Price), Easy Bake Oven and Wii. Please don’t forget books, building toys, creative projects, art supplies and music equipment, games, puzzles, and a variety of fun items for outdoor activities.

eNannySource: How have electronic devices changed the landscape of children’s play?

Dr. Toy: Electronics have brought many changes to the land of toys, ranging from interactive toys to computers, games on line connected to plush and toys, and products that resemble adult products like Leap Pad 2 and other related high tech devices. There are more electronics related to toys than ever before, but that does not necessarily make for better play. Children also need to balance activities and experience real play and not overdose on technology. 

eNannySource: What are your thoughts on limiting screen time?

Dr. Toy: When children play with anything that is electronic, including games and TV, the time should be limited so they also play with real toys that more directly and at their own pace capture their imagination, requires their interaction and creativity, and helps them to learn and be involved making and doing…and engaged in real activity. It’s really the difference between buying cookies already made and actually preparing and baking them. 

eNannySource: What are your favorite toys of all time? For toddlers?

Dr. Toy: As a guide to basics, my book Smart Play/Smart Toys covers play and playthings from baby to older children. In the chapter on Toddlers we indicate a variety of great toys that are perfect for this age, including art supplies (Colorforms©, finger paints and Play-Doh©), balls of different sizes, blocks, books, dolls, musical instruments, pail and shovel, pounding sets, puppets, puzzles, ring stacks, shape sorting, stuffed plush animals, and transportation vehicles.

eNannySource: For preschoolers?

Dr. Toy: As children grow they continue to like to use art supplies, books, building toys, dolls, musical instruments, and vehicles. Preschoolers will also enjoy the fun of learning to ride a tricycle and creating a garden.

eNannySource: What lessons do non-electronic toys teach that electronic ones can’t replicate?

Dr. Toy: Children are developing their brain power and require real experiences that prepare them and give them opportunities to gain skills, including artistic and creative expression, communication, dramatic acting, role playing, exploration, digging in sand and soil, and pouring and playing with water. They enjoy experimenting and exploring their environment, building up and knocking down blocks, construction toys, talking with puppets, and plush toys. They need to make sounds and figure things out and not have devices that are programmed to take over and bypass all of the values that play provides.  

eNannySource: What’s your advice to today’s parents on the importance of play?

Dr. Toy: Please do not reduce play time for the child, as they benefit from and need a great variety of experiences to fully develop. Play is natural and essential and the more the child plays the more confident and curious they become. Play enriches both sides of the brain and when they play they are gaining optimal mental development. They need to make sounds, explore, and discover so they gain firsthand experience and directly know how to use their full range of abilities.  Take the time to play with the child and enjoy the interaction and the benefits and the amazing opportunity for both adult and child.

eNannySource: Can you share your best tips for play?

Dr. Toy: Take time to select the most suitable products that offer the best quality, safety and design. Select what is best for the child and what they will most benefit from. Then, take the time to play, keep playthings easily accessible, and store anything they are not playing with. Recycle these items in a few months and they will be fresh and enjoyed again.

Keep an eye on the toys so that anything broken is discarded and those not being used are donated to charity.

Most of all have fun and know how important the experiences children have are when they are playing. 

Dr. Toy, Stevanne Auerbach, PhD, is a leading authority on play, toys, and children’s products. With 30 years of direct experience, Dr. Auerbach includes educationally oriented, developmental, and skill building products from the best large and small companies in her four annual award programs. Dr. Toy is the author of Dr. Toy’s Smart Play Smart Toys How to Raise a Child with a High PQ – Play Quotient which helps parents select the best toys and games for developing “Play Quotient” (PQ) and expanding child’s play.  Dr. Auerbach passed away in 2022. You can read a tribute obituary here.

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