Happy Parents: How to Keep Yourself in High Spirits Amid the Chaos of Family Life

June 9, 2014

Prior to becoming parents, it is often difficult to imagine the changes a wee little one will have on your relationship. “Having a baby is a bit idealized in that we all have this vision of a baby completing the family circle,” says Barbara Neitlich, California-based psychotherapist. “While the happiness and joy is unimaginable, the reality of change is often a bit shocking.”

While it is undeniable that children bring joy and happiness to a parent’s life, the task of balancing and juggling the needs of the family can be a bit chaotic. Learning how to keep yourself in high spirits is key to the happiness of both you and your child.

Schedule ‘Me’ Time

Even though it may seem as if you are in constant demand as a parent, it’s important to provide yourself with the opportunity for ‘me’ time. “Remember that the happier and more rested you are, the happier your baby will be,” says Neitlich. “If you have family and friends around, take them up on their offer to help.”

Don’t inundate yourself with guilt feelings that you are the only one who can care for your baby, says Neitlich. “This will lead quickly to burnout. Scale down your to do list, understand that you don’t have to say ‘yes’ to everything and know that it is okay to say no and make you and your baby the priority,” she says.

Make Playdates With Your Friends

After a day of changing diapers, feeding little ones and playing peek-a-boo, it may be time for you to enjoy some time with your grown-up friends. Don’t let the daily grind take you away from bonding with other mothers and fathers, friends and family. Even though your energy level may be low, an impromptu lunch or dinner with your friends can help re-energize your parenting and keep your spirits high.

Even though you thoroughly enjoy those tender moments with your children, it’s important to nurture the grown-up in you, too, by engaging in activities with other adults at times.

Use Your Resources

Just because you don the title of ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ doesn’t mean you become the sole provider, housekeeper and chef. Get the entire family involved in daily chores, household tasks and meal preparation. Your toddler can help with cleaning up toys and measuring food while you cook. Your older children can fold laundry, vacuum and clean up the dishes after each meal.

Show your children that the happiness of the entire family is elevated when the tasks are distributed evenly. Make chore time fun by turning up the radio, dancing while you clean and singing silly songs as you prepare meals.

Get Moving

Adopting a healthy living routine can quickly enhance your happiness, boost your mood and improve your overall health. Melanie Greenberg, California-based clinical psychologist, recommends moving your body more to increase your happiness. “Incorporate leisure exercise into your day, ideally for at least 30 minutes five to six times a week,” she says. “Join a gym, walk the dog or go to a yoga class. Yoga is particularly beneficial for centering the mind and body and releasing tension.”

In addition to trimming up your waistline and boosting your mood, exercise can help in preventing common ailments. “Aerobic exercise fights depression, protects against heart disease, helps weight and is good for the brain and focus also,” says Greenberg.

Be Mindful

Fostering your mind is a crucial step in promoting your happiness and the happiness of your family. When days are chaotic and the kids are cranky, it helps to give yourself the opportunity to sink into a mindful state.

“Start a mindfulness meditation routine by finding 20 minutes a day to sit quietly and focus on the breath going in and out of your body,” suggests Greenberg. “This helps you notice what your mind does when it wanders off.”

Creating a state of mindfulness can allow you to focus on the positive elements and influences in your life. “Grounding yourself in your body can lead to self-knowledge and self-compassion,” says Greenberg. “The breath can also be a tool to let go of and release negative thoughts. You can also take regular breathing breaks during the day when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed.”

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Teasing: Showing Your Child How Words Hurt

June 4, 2014

Teasing is often a natural part of life, and can be harmless when done in good fun. But when someone’s feelings get hurt, it’s not natural or fun for anyone involved. Teasing can also quickly turn into bullying, and whether your child is the one teasing or the one being teased, it’s important to educate your child about how playful banter can wreak havoc on a person’s emotional well-being.

Discuss Feelings

If your child is being bullied or teased, the first thing parents or nannies should do is discuss the natural process of feelings. “Teach children about shame or embarrassment when teased or bullied,” says Renee Fredrickson, Minnesota-based psychologist in private practice. “Most children feel ashamed of whatever they are teased about, unless the teasing is entirely playful, and more sensitive children feel ashamed even then.”

When you feel ashamed, you feel worthless or worth less than others, says Fredrickson. “This feeling makes you believe that you are different or not as cool as other kids,” she says.

The effects of teasing can cause children to become silent. It can also stop them from telling parents, teachers or even friends about what is happening, says Fredrickson. “Every child is vulnerable to shame and it is the nature of children to hide as a defense,” she says. “Magical thinking cause children to feel that if they tell you, even you will find them wanting.”

One of the most effective ways to discuss teasing and bullying with your child is to discuss the feelings that accompany the actions. “I teach children (and adults) that shame or embarrassment is always a lie,” says Fredrickson. “Everyone makes mistakes, has accidents and has things that are different from others. So you made a mistake or have big ears or are smaller or bigger? You will feel ashamed, but that feeling is a lie.”

Talk to your child about pushing through that feeling or ignoring it so they can tell you what happened.

Watch for the Signs

As a parent or nanny, you can help your child cope with teasing or bullying by watching for signs that one of these things has occurred. According to Fredrickson, classic signs include general unhappiness, anger, destructive behavior, isolation and not wanting to go back to school, daycare or even a social group.

If you suspect your child is being teased or bullied, Fredrickson recommends keeping your questions gentle. “Do not press the issue if you sense your child is being evasive,” she says. “Just ask them to think about it and that you may ask them about it another time. Remind them that you can help.

What To Do If Your Child is The Bully

If a child is a bully, it is likely they have been bullied, says Fredrickson. It can happen anywhere – at school, at home with siblings or on a play date. “Honestly face the idea that you, your spouse or a sibling may be bullying your child,” she says. “For example, several adults and children revealed that their father or an older sibling would ‘wrestle’ with them. The father always won, of course, and would not stop until the child cried.”

Even though these interactions may begin innocently, Fredrickson warns that if you are stronger, you must be gentler. “Any use of greater force to hurt a more vulnerable person should not be allowed in your home,” she says. Insist on a violence-free home and do not excuse any hurtful behavior because one person started it.

And while it’s common to fall back on the rule “use your words,” it’s also important to stress that this should not include mean or cruel words.

In addition, it helps to teach children how to be an encourager of others. “This is best demonstrated through the parents positively encouraging their child,” says Christine Hammond, registered mental health counseling intern with The LifeWorks Group in Florida. “Telling the child to encourage others and then not modeling it will not help them to learn how to encourage others.”

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Creating a Book Club for Kids

June 2, 2014

Even though kids are typically more enthusiastic about electronics than hard-cover books, there are many ways to reignite their love for reading. Creating a book club is one surefire method to help engage your child with words.

Book clubs for kids can offer parents, nannies, and most of all, kids, a chance to get creative, combine technology with reading and further their knowledge of topics they are passionate about at the moment.

Learn how to kick start a book club for your children at home, school or in your neighborhood with these creative strategies that promote learning.

The Planning Process

A book club can be as easy to organize as a weekly play date, and this is a good time to involve your children in the planning process. Simply call a meeting with neighborhood parents, school teachers and their children to delegate a list of books and activities, then arrange a time and meeting place the kids can meet at on a weekly or monthly basis. Your children should be a key part of these discussions so they feel invested in the process and excited about the prospect of reading and engaging with their friends and neighbors.

Themes and Things

Beyond choosing books to read for your child’s newly created book club, it’s important to brainstorm themes and activities that tie into the text. You can also have preliminary meetings to determine book choices.

Anne Kline, author of a unique line of children’s books and the owner of Kudzu Kids, LLC, recommends a “My Favorite Things” theme to jump start the book club. “Each week, the group can discuss a favorite thing topic and pick a book that goes with this theme,” she says. “The books could be about sports or animals – really anything that is a favorite.”

Once the children have compiled a list of favorite things, they can pick individual books relating to the theme of the week. “By allowing each reader the opportunity to pick something that interests him or her, reading will be enjoyable,” says Kline. “If we are interested in something, we tend to want to read about it.”

Kline suggests the following ‘Favorite Things’ themes:

• What is your favorite sport/athlete?
• What is your favorite instrument or music?
• What is your favorite animal?
• What is your favorite art project?
• What is your favorite movie?
• Favorite things to do on summer break

“After each reader picks his or her favorite thing to read about for that theme week, have the group play charades and guess what each child picked,” says Kline.

Let the Activities Begin

Once your child is reading, either on an electronic tablet or a hardback book, it is important to plan activities for each book club meeting. Yes, the children can discuss their favorite parts of the book, but they will likely also enjoy interactive activities to get them engaged with the content of the book.

Get creative with any of the following activities for book club meetings:

• In teams, create a model of the book using a shoe box and have the children explain their models.
• Take them to the zoo or an animal shelter and learn more about favorite animals if the book focuses on animals that week
• Take in an author reading or speaking engagement at a local bookstore
• Host a slumber party to watch the film version of the book
• Enact a puppet show of the book
• Ask each child to create a journal or scrapbook detailing their thoughts and impressions of the book and the plot
• Take a field trip to the library to choose another book
• Launch a book swap, where each child brings the books they have already read and ‘shop’ for new titles
• Pick a book with historical significance in your area and then take a field trip to that area after the book is finished
• Ask the children to create a video to summarize the primary events in the book
• Host a scavenger hunt in your neighborhood, asking children to take pictures of potential scenes in the book

In addition to interactive activities, the book club can also take a stab at writing a book together. When Judith Hokanson’s children were young, they spent summers and school breaks writing books together. Hokanson and her sons got creative by designing the books in all shapes and sizes. “Some were accordion style, others had a rope so these books could be carried around,” she says. “Some had a drawing or drawings that I shrank to fit the small pages of the story we were working on.”

According to Hokanson, the book-making activities were some of the fondest moments she has with her children. By creating a book club and getting your children involved in reading and exploring their imagination, you, too, can make memories.

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Running Start: How to Find the Motivation to Get Moving

May 28, 2014

If you have set a goal to add more exercise to your daily routine, inspiration and motivation are key aspects of getting you moving, even when you are lacking the energy to put on those running shoes.

Whether you are striving to run a marathon or just get off the couch, try a few of these motivators to get in shape and energize your exercise routine while running.

Set a Goal and Find Your Emotional Drive

“There are various motivators in the running community, but at the core it comes down to having a goal and a purpose for that goal that is inspiring to the individual,” says Chris Janzen, mental conditioning coach and founder of TriathleteMind.com. “It needs to create enough emotional drive to put in the hours, get out of bed in the early morning and stick with it week after week.”

What are your goals? According to Janzen, runners put one foot in front of the other for many different reasons, including:

• Weight Loss
• Health Gain
• Charity or Fundraising Events
• Personal Competition
• Fun and Networking
• Connection to Nature

In order to reach these goals, it’s important to have an emotional attachment to them. “Without an emotional drive linked to the goal, it is hard to stay on track with training, stay amongst competing priorities in life and simply to must up enough will to keep going when the going gets tough and you experience physical pain or fatigue and tough workouts on hills,” says Janzen. “If you don’t care enough, you will let the other stuff win.”

Move Forward One Step at a Time

As with any new activity, it is important to take baby steps. If you have set a goal to increase your running length, improve your time or get back into shape, understanding the types of motivation will help you to reach these goals. Motivation typically works on three levels: Long term, day to day and in the moment, according to Janzen.

• Long Term: Equals a bigger purpose than just going for a jog. Things like health and weight benefits, connecting with nature and being a role model for children fuels the long term. “There is a bigger reason for putting in the day to day that fuels a higher level of importance for sticking to running over time,” says Janzen.
• Day to Day: It is about using various strategies to keep you on track and always moving. To overcome boredom or monotony, you need to mix in some variety, such as running different routes, running with a group or a partner on some days and alone on others, and doing different kinds of workouts like hills, sprints, or long, slow runs. “Doing the same thing over and over again turns part of the brain off and we need stimulus to keep things fresh, interesting and motivating,” says Janzen.
• In the Moment: When you’re struggling with the inner demons or the voices that encourage you to give up or not care about your running routine when physical pain and exhaustion kick in, in the moment motivation can kick start your daily run. “Proven methods to overcome this are having an empowering and meaningful mantra to repeat over and over until that powerful thought overpowers the demon,” says Janzen. “Using energizing music on your iPod to keep your body moving when your mind wants to quit is also helpful.”

You will likely struggle with a rigorous routine and your focus may get a bit cloudy at times. It’s important to reconnect to your goals and purpose every week, says Janzen. “Remind yourself of the progress you’re making to give you just the boost you need to keep going after the initial excitement and drive starts to fade away,” he says.

Experiment and find what motivates you each day. Is it a change of scenery, a new tune or a running partner? What will keep your running routine fresh and stimulating? “Regardless of age or level of fitness, it’s about finding your ‘edge’ where the motivation starts to fail and what works for you to get it going again,” says Janzen. “When training over a long season, there’s no doubt that motivation will dip. These strategies will minimize the dip and quickly get you back on top form.”

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How to Help Your Children Navigate Their First Crush

May 26, 2014

As a nanny or parent, you surely remember your first crush. The moments when your hands were sweaty and your heart was beating rapidly when he or she walked in the room. Just as you endured the emotions of young love, your children will likely soon experience their first taste of it, too.

If you suddenly notice that your child has a gleam in her eye, a never-ending smile and a skip in her step, it’s possible that she is wading through her first crush. It’s important, though, to provide the support and nurturing he or she needs during this time while letting nature take its course as your child learns about heavy hearts, butterflies in the stomach and the highs and lows of relationships.

From ‘Like’ to ‘Love:’ The Stages of a Crush

The reality is that everyone experiences a crush. “We have all been there,” says Neil McNerney, a licensed professional counselor at Virginia Tech. “All we have to do is remember the stages we went through.”

According to McNerney, the stages for a preteen girl may include:

1)     He’s really cute but so are other boys.

2)     But, he’s cuter than the other boys. Plus he’s really nice, athletic, funny, etc.

3)     He might actually like me, too.

4)     He’s the cutest guy at school. No one else compares.

5)     Nothing else matters as long as I can think of him.

As children progress from ‘liking’ another person to falling head over heels, it’s important to allow them to process these feelings on their own. Avoid telling them what they can and cannot feel, says McNerney. It will backfire if you tell him or her that crushes are not allowed. However, you can set limits for what they can and can’t do, such as ensuring that a chaperone is always present when your child is at the mall or movies with his or her crush.

What NOT To Say

Even though you may still view your preteen or teen as a child, the reality is that she is growing up and experiencing real feelings about another person. The crush is very real and personal. “Don’t make fun or call it cute,” advises McNerney. “This is serious business and telling your preteen that it’s not a big deal will only create distance between the two of you.”

Teasing only backfires, says McNerney. “Be gentle,” he says. “It’s not her little ‘boyfriend.’”

Instead of minimizing or belittling the crush to your child, listen and validate the feelings, recommends Dr. Jamie Rishikof, Massachusetts-based licensed psychologist. “Do not even call it a crush as that can sound trivializing,” he says. “Mostly, just listen. If he or she does not bring it up, do not call her on it. And, never mention it to third parties, especially in front of her.”

Lending an ear to listen to your child during this time is one of the best strategies since there is not much a parent or nanny can do in this situation, says Rishikof. “It is a valuable part of life and growing up. If she asks advice, you can offer suggestions on what to do or not to do, but know that she may completely ignore that advice.”

If your child does not ask, avoid offering unsolicited advice. Unfortunately, he or she may need to learn the hard way, says Rishikof. “You can be there for her if things turn bad, having taught her that you are there to listen and you will not judge,” he says.

Picking Up the Pieces

It is inevitable that the crush will not last forever. Your child may lose interest, move his or her attention to another or end up with a broken heart. Even though it is tempting to try to step in and protect your child from heartbreak, it’s best to let nature take its course. “You can inadvertently do more harm than good as she may see your actions as invasive, controlling and indifferent to her feelings,” says Rishikof.

When the heartbreak happens, the best thing you can do is give a silent hug with a couple of “I’m so sorry” expressions. “Our preteen needs to know that, at that moment, we understand how hurt they feel,” says McNerney. “Don’t tell her that she will feel better in the morning. It never helps to remind someone in pain that it will feel better in the future.”

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Disagreement Dilemma: How Nannies Can Cope With Arguing Parents

May 21, 2014

It is an understatement to say that being caught in the middle of a disagreement between your employers can put you in an awkward position as a nanny. Even witnessing the disagreement or argument can make the home and your job environment uncomfortable and, at times, unbearable.

Although it is inevitable that family members will have disagreements, finding strategies to discuss the arguing with your employers and putting the focus on the children may help to clear the air and minimize disagreements over time.

The Ripple Effect

It’s important to point out how disagreements affect the entire family. Even in the happiest couples, arguments are part of how disagreements are worked out, says Dr. Tamar Chansky, Philadelphia-based psychologist and author of “Freeing Yourself from Anxiety.” The issue for children is what they are exposed to and what messages are being sent, she says.

“Disagreements are not harmful if they are handled safely and respectfully and importantly, if they are resolved,” says Chansky. “What is de-stabilizing for children is when there is unresolved or unfinished conflict or hostility between parents.” If the latter is true in your household, it’s likely that the children feel scared, unsafe and responsible for cleaning up or fixing the issue.

“They also see the parents are upset and if they are not taking care of themselves to calm themselves down or console themselves, then children feel burdened and responsible to cheer their parents up or fix the problem,” says Chansky. “That’s a tall order for any child because when they can’t fix the problems, they feel anxious and think the conflict is their fault or that somehow they are the problem.”

It may be difficult to bring up this issue with the parents, but if you carefully explain how the children are affected, it may help them see the light and work toward a more cooperative way to communicate with each other.

As the nanny, know that many arguments grow out of frustration – when parents feel drained or do not have enough time to engage with each other without the pressure of work and responsibilities with the children. Help them plan some time alone so that they have a chance to ‘date’ each other once again.

Make it a ‘Mom and Dad’ Thing

When the children in your care witness an argument or disagreement between their parents, you can ease their mind by explaining that the issue is between mom and dad. It is inevitable that children will overhear or witness a disagreement, so you can explain that sometimes people don’t always agree, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love or care for one another. Try providing scenarios of how siblings argue and disagree but ultimately find a resolution and learn to play with each other.

If you have a curious child wanting to know every little detail, make it clear that some disagreements are for adults. “Parents don’t need to (and often it wouldn’t be appropriate to) explain what the arguments are about, but without being withholding, rather being reassuring, just explain this is a ‘mom and dad’ thing,” says Chansky. “Help them know that mom and dad love each other and sometimes they disagree so they have to talk it through so that they understand each other.”

Chansky recommends helping the children cope by testing their knowledge with a back and forth round of questions, such as “So whose job is it to fix the disagreements?” and “Right, it’s mom and dad’s.” This will help children to see where the responsibility lies.

In addition, suggest that parents allow the children to express their feelings when they witness disagreements. Phrases such as “What can you do when mom and dad are arguing?” and “You can tell us that it is bothering you if it is or you can play with your toys” help offer the child a voice in the matter.

While vocalizing your concerns to your employers, always stay positive and avoid placing blame. Emphasize that your primary concern is the well being of the children and that the communication barriers have taken a toll on the entire family. If you refrain from passing judgment, the parents will soon see that you have their child’s best interest at heart and, hopefully, will work to minimize the disagreements in the household.

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Breakfast on the Go: Providing Healthy Options to Start the Day

May 19, 2014

It’s no secret that breakfast is the most important meal of the day for you and your family. You need the fuel and energy to chase around those toddlers, and your little ones need the energy to fuel their brains and stimulate their interest in play.

When you are a nanny for a busy family or carting your kids from one activity to the next, it is challenging to grab a healthy meal before you head out the door. In fact, according to Bridget Swinney, Texas-based registered dietitian and author of Healthy Food for Healthy Kids, eating on the run is challenging because most convenience food is high in sodium, fat and preservatives.

Before grabbing a doughnut or pastry for the carpool ride, consider these convenient breakfast foods that travel well and add a healthy punch to your family’s morning routine.

On-the-Go Healthy Routines

One of the best ways to offer healthy breakfast options is to plan ahead. Snack-sized bags filled with fruits, vegetables and nut medleys can offer the nutrition all of you need to get your day started, but it may be too tempting to grab a sugary option or bag of cereal to satisfy the little ones if you’re rushed to pack and feed in the morning.

Instead of rushing, spend your afternoon or evening chopping up fruits and veggies to provide your kids with a bag or travel bowl of grapes, kiwi and baby carrots. According to Swinney, cuties are packed full of vitamin C and easy to peel in seconds while grapes offer antioxidants and fiber. Kiwi will offer a potassium boost and daily doses of vitamin C and fiber, plus the fruit is easy to eat with a spoon on the go. Baby carrots, often a kid favorite, are ready to eat and provide your children with both fiber and vitamin A.

For a protein-packed breakfast, consider the health benefits of nuts. Swinney recommends walnuts, almonds, pecans and pistachios for an extra special nutrient punch in the morning. Mix up a bag of nuts and sunflower seeds in the morning to fuel your children on the way to school. This snack is ideal for school-aged children, but may not be the best option for little ones since nuts can be a choking hazard.

You can also mix up your routine a bit by preparing homemade trail mixes. “Grab a Ziploc bag, add cheerios or other whole grain, kid-friendly cereal, nuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, tiny pretzel twists, dried cherries or blueberries,” suggests Swinney. “Because you control the ingredients, you can make it gluten-free or nut-free to meet specific diet needs.”

If you have a little extra time in the morning, opt for breakfast burritos. Scrambled eggs in a corn or whole grain tortilla offer a breakfast feast that is convenient, says Swinney. “You can add veggies to the eggs, such as onion and bell pepper, and top with salsa and avocado,” she says. “This one can be easily taken ‘to go’ and is a perfectly balanced meal with smart carbs, protein and veggies.”

Another quick option is the coffee cup scramble. Mix eggs, a dash of milk and a sprinkle of cheese and herbs and microwave for one and a half minutes in a to-go coffee cup, stirring halfway through cooking time, suggests Swinney. “Of course, you can add other healthy ingredients, like veggies, fresh basil, salsa and whatever else strikes your fancy,” she says.

Keeping healthy, bite-sized snacks packed for breakfast and mid-day snacks will also help fuel your family for the day. “Low-fat string cheese and yogurt pack a super-nutrient punch including protein, calcium, vitamin D, potassium, magnesium and others,” says Swinney. Whole grain crackers or baked tortilla chips are also kid-friendly, healthy options.

Healthy options for breakfast can also come in liquid form. Kate Myerson, registered dietitian with Vtrim, an online healthy weight management program, recommends a fruit smoothie with Greek yogurt. “Add six ounces of low fat Greek yogurt to one and a half cups of frozen fruit in a blender and add enough low-fat milk or fruit juice to cover the frozen fruit – and blend,” says Myerson. “Pour the smoothie into a to-go cup and grab it on your way out the door the next morning. The protein from the yogurt and fiber in the fruit will keep you full and the carbohydrate in the fruit and the milk or juice will give you the energy you need.”

The key to eating a healthy breakfast is to pace yourself and your family, says Myerson. “Don’t try to change everything at once. Pick one new thing to try that will give you the confidence to take on the next,” she says. “And, give your family a chance to adjust to the changes.”

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How Much Does it Cost to Employ a Nanny?

May 14, 2014

If you have found yourself struggling to balance work, household responsibilities and social obligations while caring for your children, you are not alone. Many families need extra help – which is where a nanny can come in handy.

The cost of daycare centers combined with the risks of finding a good environmental fit for all of your children weighs heavily on the minds of many parents. If you’re considering hiring a nanny, it’s important to evaluate all of the cost factors involved to ensure you are prepared to provide your children with the best care a nanny can provide.

Evaluating the Costs

There are many variables to consider when determining if your family can afford a nanny. Do you want a part-time nanny, a full-time nanny or a live-in nanny to care for your children?

According to the 2013 Nanny Salary and Benefits Survey issued by the International Nanny Association, 70% of nannies work full-time with 90% living outside their employer’s home.

You will need to determine the demands of an overall compensation package. For example, do you plan to provide room and board for the nanny? Will you set up an hourly pay rate or a weekly, salaried rate?

According to the INS 2013 survey, the average hourly rate for a nanny is $17.44 with a median rate of $16 an hour. Overtime rates are typically run time and half on an hourly basis. Although rates vary based on location and the cost of living in your area, as an employer you should be prepared to cover any expenses related to your child’s care, such as transportation.

As your employee, the nanny’s contract should also stipulate costs associated with additional benefits, such as holiday pay, paid vacation, paid sick days and health insurance, if agreed upon.

The INS survey found that 66% of nannies get paid holidays, 64% receive two or more weeks of paid vacation, 47% receive paid sick days and 13% of nannies receive full health insurance premium contributions.

It may be cost effective to consult with a nanny agency or an accountant to also determine if you should withhold federal and state taxes, pay employment tax and use a payroll service to issue payments to the nanny.

Factors Affecting Nanny Pay

There are many other factors that may influence how much a nanny should be paid. When considering the costs, keep in mind that nannies with credentials, degrees in child-related fields and experience often earn more per hour.

The International Nanny Association suggests families consider the following when evaluating a nanny’s compensation package:

• Nanny Role
• Nanny Experience
• Live-in or Live-out
• Education, Degree in child-related field
• Schools and Certifications
• Professional activities
• Pay structure
• Family type, number of children and age of the children
• Tenure with current employer

If a nanny has a specialization, such as newborn care, the salary or hourly rate is often higher. Experience also plays a vital role in determining a nanny’s pay. According to the INS 2013 survey, nannies with less than one year of experience average $14.35 an hour versus nannies with 15 to 20 years of experience who average $19.03 an hour.

Education levels also influence the salary of a nanny. According to the International Nanny Association, nannies with a high school education averaged $16.94 in 2013 versus nannies with an advanced degree, who averaged $20.24 an hour. Nannies who have participated in credentialing workshops and educational programs earned an average of $19.05 per hour versus $16.66 for nannies without credentials.

In addition, when hiring a nanny, it’s important for parents to consider long-term benefits that are due to a nanny, such as yearly bonuses, salary increases and the use of a vehicle while caring for the children.

Although it is not possible to pinpoint every cost associated with childcare, it is important for parents to plan for the compensation package versus just the hourly rate. Working with a nanny agency, an attorney or an accountant to solidify a legally binding contract will help make the process much more clear and smooth for all parties involved.

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Signs That Your Child May Be Suffering From Depression

May 12, 2014

It is common for children to experience a variety of emotions that range from sadness to utter joy. However, many children sink into a state of depression when they are overcome by their emotions and are unable to move past the emotional roller coaster. Often, situational experiences and genetics play a role, too. According to Dr. Tamar Chansky, Pennsylvania-based psychologist and author of Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking, children of depressed parents have a 61% chance of developing a psychiatric condition, with a 45% chance that it is depression, versus an 11% chance of developing depression if the mother is not depressed.

Helping your child cope before depression takes over his or her life begins with recognizing signs or symptoms that indicate he or she is suffering from the disorder. Learn how to recognize the red flags and provide your child with the help he or she needs.

Depression: Be In The Know

Children exhibit signs and symptoms of depression in many different ways depending upon their age, maturity level and emotional stability.

According to Chansky, parents and nannies should be concerned if they recognize that the following symptoms are present for at least two weeks, cause significant distress and interfere with the child’s functioning:

• Change in mood
• More withdrawn, irritable, angry, apathetic or sad
• Lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Crying easily or excessively
• Increased clinginess or separation anxiety
• Change in attitude; things in life are exhausting, too hard, too boring

The Preschooler

Signs and symptoms will vary significantly as your child ages. According to Chansky, preschoolers will experience mood swings, but when your child is unable to move from grumpy to happy, it could be a sign of depression. “Normally, anything of interest in the world – a dog, a cloud, a burp, can charm a preschooler out of a grumpy mood, but depression is different,” she says. “The mood takes on a life of its own and won’t budge.”

Parents of preschoolers should seek help when recognizing the following signs:

• Appearance is sad, eyes downcast, has difficulty smiling
• Change in activity level – either hyperactive or lethargic
• Frustration increases and tolerance decreases
• May see hitting, biting and screaming
• Separation anxiety
• Physical symptoms

The School-Aged Child

As your child enters school, his frustration level may be magnified when academic and social pressures impact his emotional well-being. Some children experience negative thoughts, such as “I’m stupid” when he doesn’t score well on a test or “I hate everything – why try?” when faced with challenges. “And though sometimes that thought process can occur normally, with depression, their beliefs and the feelings that accompany them are stuck,” says Chansky. “They are convinced that these ideas are true.”

In addition to signs outlined for preschoolers, Chansky designates the following additional red flags for school-aged children:

• Difficulty making decisions – they feel responsible that they will make the ‘wrong’ choice and it will be irrevocable
• May be worried, suddenly hesitating to do things like go to a friend’s house – they are afraid that they will feel bad there and won’t be able to cope
• Change in sleep patterns, difficulty sleeping
• Change in eating habits – either overeating or reduced appetites

The Teenager

If you notice that your teen is exhibiting many of the signs outlined for preschoolers and school-aged children, accompanied by a negative preoccupation with themselves, Chansky suggests that the additional red flags detailed below may be cause for concern:

• Deterioration in self-care
• Decreased participation in school work
• Spends increasing time alone
• Emotional over-eating or not eating
• Self harm
• Withdrawn from social activities

How You Can Help

Recognizing signs and symptoms of depression in your child is the first step, but there is so much more parents and nannies can do to help children cope with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist.

While coping with depression, your child needs empathy and optimism, says Chansky. “Accept and reflect what your child is feeling,” she says. “Also, help your child to get different perspectives on their situation.”

When your child feels lost, it’s important to find a table for two when it comes to optimism, says Chansky. “In other words, you can’t teach your children skills of accurate thinking if you aren’t following them yourselves,” she says. “Parents may get discouraged and distressed seeing their child suffering but they need to stick with the plan themselves – get specific, change the thought in your head to ‘My child is having trouble right now; I can help him; He doesn’t want to be this way; This isn’t how it will always be.’”

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Playground Time: The Benefits of Unplugged Activities

May 7, 2014

If you feel like you’re competing with your child’s iPod, xBox or Wii, you’re not alone. The Stanford University School of Medicine reports that children today spend less time playing outdoors than any previous generation. The reason? Children are spending a large quantity of their time plugged in.

Although there are many benefits to educational games and social technology, children still need to see the light of day and participate in unplugged activities. As a nanny or parent, it is important to know the benefits of unplugging your child and limiting technology.

The Downfall of Outdoor Play

It’s no secret that children enjoy the benefits of hanging from jungle gyms and twirling on merry-go-rounds, but the sad reality is that their access to public parks and playgrounds is much more limited these days. The Center for Disease Control reports that only one out of five children in the United States live within a half-mile of a park or a playground and the availability of places to play looms far worse in low-income neighborhoods.

Numerous scientific studies prove the obvious: children are more likely to play outside and be more physically active when they live near a place to play. Safety is also a concern. More and more parents are keeping their children indoors or opting for indoor lessons and athletic events to reduce the risk of stranger danger.

Without outdoor play, your child could be at risk, though. Outdoor play allows a child to gain physical exercise, increase creativity and imagination and have an opportunity to work on social skills. They learn to share, negotiate and resolve conflicts while taking turns on slides and swings.

The Journal of Community Health further advocates that children with a park or playground in close proximity to their homes are more likely to maintain a healthy weight and that they have a healthier and happier outlook when engaging in free and unstructured outdoor play. Outdoor play can also have a positive impact on classroom behavior problems and reduce emotional outbursts, violence and a lack of ability to interact.

Pulling the Plug

Dr. Eitan Schwarz, a Chicago-based child psychiatrist and author of Kids, Family and Technology: A Guide for Young Families, recommends parents and nannies prepare a digital media plan to encourage outdoor play and reduce time with technology. The plan should determine how often your child uses computers, watches television and plays video games at each stage of his childhood.

“Parents may not realize it, but they’re hardwiring circuits into their kids’ brains every day,” says Schwarz. “And when you give your child unsupervised access to media, you’re basically turning that job over to strangers.”

Kids’ consumption of media is an epidemic, says Schwarz, not unlike the obesity epidemic. “Left to their own devices in the kitchen, most kids choose junk food, and the same goes for technology,” he says. “Many kids now spend more time with electronic media than they do in school or with their families.”

According to Schwarz, parents should not fear technology; however, just as you’d never give a young child free reign over the stove, don’t just hand over the mouse or remote.

“Technology has expanded so rapidly. It’s like the Wild West for most of us – vast, exhilarating and unexplored,” says Schwarz. “But the Wild West is not a place to turn kids loose. My goal is to give parents a roadmap for leading their kids through this new frontier, safe and sound.”

Creating a Balance

In addition to a digital media plan, families can create a balance of unplugged and plugged in activities. “A healthy media diet consists of five food groups: Family relationships, socialization, values, education and entertainment,” says Schwarz. “If media doesn’t serve a clear, positive purpose, kids shouldn’t consume it.”

As the role model in your child’s life, it’s important to provide opportunities for engaging in unplugged time. “As an important adult in their life, you have to lead by example,” says Julia Simens, Nevada-based clinical psychologist. “You have to say ‘let’s go for a walk’ and walk with him. You can’t say ‘you need to exercise’ and expect him to head out on his own.”

According to Simens, if you want your child to be involved in outdoor play or a sports team to gain more physical exercise, you need to commit to be at his game, be his cheerleader and personal coach and be 100% committed to his involvement in this team. “We cannot expect children to give up something that is so much more fun and connects them to their peers without making a positive connection to them as the replacement.”

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