Keeping it Professional: How to Balance Professionalism and Play as a Nanny

May 5, 2014

As a nanny, your primary role is to act as a role model for the children in your care. You are the one in the trenches, soothing stuffy noses and cuddling little ones when in distress or preparing bottles and tucking them into bed. You are also a playmate, building blocks and having tea parties on a whim.

In addition to your role as a childcare provider, you also have to maintain a level of professionalism that shows the parents that you are responsible, prompt and honest within your position.

Learn how to find the perfect balance between play and professionalism to make the most of this precious position you have.

Timing is Key

Just as a chef knows just the right moment to take the dish out of the oven or sprinkle on seasoning, as a nanny, timing can make or break your success on the job.

It is imperative for parents to know that you value their time and are dedicated to the care of their children. Show just how professional you can be by showing up at least 10 minutes early for each shift. Be prepared by having the day’s activities planned and implementing a schedule that ensures you have time for laundry, transporting the children and most of all, playing with them. Punctuality is a valued trait in a nanny, so if anything will prevent you from showing up, alert the family as soon as possible so they can make alternate arrangements for the care of the children.

Respect is a Two-Way Street

Even though you may spend hours on the floor coloring, creating glittery crafts and developing artsy masterpieces with the children, you must always remember that your position as a nanny is a job that relies on mutual respect. Your employers respect you by providing the tools you need to care for the children, a paycheck for your time and expectations for your position.

Show your respect by exhibiting professional behavior on a daily basis. Adhere to the guidelines that parents set related to discipline, naps, bedtime routines and food choices. By setting a positive example for the children and offering consistent rules as their parents do, you are teaching them the value of professionalism and respect all at once. You can also teach and model respect through positive play activities that show the importance of being courteous through sharing and taking turns to achieve more of a balance between professionalism and play.

Communicate Concerns

When frustrating situations on the job make you want to speak out, keep in mind that professional communication is the route to take. For example, if you have been told to only feed the children healthy snacks, but the children have been indulging in pop tarts and sugary cereal when you arrive in the morning, it can be frustrating coping with the hyperactivity that will surely result.

It can be tempting to lash out at the parents for violating their own rules, but in terms of professionalism, resist the temptation. Instead, find ways to communicate your concerns to the parents in a professional manner, such as sitting down to clarify their expectations and outlining the foods they prefer their children consume. It may also help to show them examples of how an overdose of sugar can affect the children’s behavior throughout the day. If you approach the situation with a light-hearted yet professional tone, you will be opening the door for continued communication with your employer and showing that your primary concern is the well-being of the children.

Showing Off Your Best Side

As a nanny, you have the opportunity to mold the children in your care into professional and playful human beings. You are a role model and they look to you for guidance and appropriate behavior. Show your true personality – playful or shy, independent and confident or silly and sassy – through play and professional activities.

According to the experts in the early childhood program at Sullivan University, “Nannies serve as role models. They have good manners, use correct grammar, and show sportsmanship. Their example helps children grow to be productive and happy adults.”

The key to connecting with a family is to show your ultimate care for the children and let your professional and playful sides thrive.

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Breaking the Ice: Ways Nannies Can Introduce Themselves to Children

April 30, 2014

It can be daunting for a child to meet his or her nanny for the first time. He may be hesitant to trust him or her. She may be shy and scared about being away from mommy and daddy at times. On the other hand, children can be very flexible and resilient when change occurs in the household.

In order to make a smooth transition into a new family’s home, it’s important for nannies to proceed slowly, get creative with introductions and build a trusting relationship through nurturing.

The First Meeting

According to Robert Nickell, parenting expert and founder of Daddy & Co., a gift and apparel company dedicated to celebrating fatherhood, nannies are an essential part of a family, but it takes time to acclimate the children to a new care provider.

“When we bring a new nanny into our home, we start with a two to four hour day and have either mom or dad at the house,” says Nickell. “We start with a slow acclimation, but our little ones are used to having nannies around and instantly warm up to them.”

Most children, though, need some time to warm up to a new nanny. “Whenever you bring a new nanny into the home, a child is going to see that person as a stranger,” says Nickell. “They’ll need some time to get to know the new nanny, figure out what they can get away with and generally adjust to having a new parental figure in their lives.”

Your children may each react differently, too. “Some might feel anxious, confused or even angry, while others might express feelings of excitement and joy,” says Nickell. “It’s hard to say a child will react in one specific way to the new experience as every child is different.”

As the father of seven children and a regular employer of nannies, Nickell has seen this first hand. “I have seven children who are all as different as can be,” he says. “When bringing a new nanny into our home, we want to see a natural bond being formed and we like to see a playful, insightful, helpful, confident individual. The kids will pick up on this immediately.”

If everyone passes the first day, Nickell recommends extending the time period to gradually build the bond between the children and the nanny.

Meet and Greet

Before the first meet and greet with a new nanny, it’s crucial to prepare your child for the encounter. “Let them know who the person is, why they’re going to be part of your child’s life and how your child will be expected to treat the new nanny,” says Nickell.

Parents should also give the nanny tips about the children beforehand as well. “Tell the nanny about your child so he or she knows what to expect and then make the meeting positive and fun,” recommends Nickell.

If possible, nannies can also shadow parents during the first meeting. “I’ve had success having nannies meet my children at my own home while ‘shadowing’ me to learn the routine and get to know the children,” says Nickell. “I’ve also had success meeting a new nanny at the park where they can show their playful side and make a fun first impression with my children.”

When introducing yourself to the new family, nannies can offer reassurance to both the children and the parents by expressing interest in the children’s likes and dislikes, passions, activities and typical play patterns.

For instance, host a game of questions and answers so the children can find out more about you and you can learn how they communicate. Also, consider bringing activities that will help them explore your role in the household, such as a story making kit or video camera to act out scenarios or play games that you all enjoy so you can be playful with each other from the start.

“I like when the nanny gets down onto the child’s level, which means sitting on the floor, playing, asking the kids questions and listening to the answers,” says Nickell.

Most importantly, show the children your true personality and let them see your fun side while communicating how you would like to care for them on a regular basis.

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The Best and Easiest Platforms for Conducting Video Nanny Interviews

April 28, 2014

The best nanny candidate for a family might not be in your neighborhood, or even in your state or country. This means she might not be the best match, right? Wrong. In this digital age, technology allows you to expand your search globally to find the right nanny, without incurring the expense and commitment of travel costs before you even get to “meet” the other party.

Here are a few of the most popular modes for video interviewing and why they might work for you:

Skype

Probably the most well known source for face-to-face connections, Skype offers free video chat capabilities, file sharing and instant messaging with another Skype user. The only requirement is to open an account and download the program. If your spouse is away or at work when it is convenient for all parties to connect for an interview, the service allows for live group video connections for a small fee. If this is a frequent occurrence, you can purchase a premium membership for an affordable $4.99/month. As an added bonus, the membership can be used post-hiring for foreign or long distance nannies to be able to stay connected to family with unlimited free calls. Skype also has video messaging capabilities, so a list of interview questions can be sent out to numerous prospective nannies and they can leave a video message with their responses, allowing prospective families to do an initial tapering down of candidates.

FaceTime

For a simple service that doesn’t require hefty downloads or pricey memberships, you can make video calls over Wi-Fi from your iPhone, iPad, iPod touch or Mac to someone else with nothing more than a FaceTime-enabled device for the caller and recipient and a Wi-Fi connection. It’s important to note that FaceTime over a cellular network requires iPhone 4s, iPhone 5 or iPad 3rd generation with cellular data capability, and data charges may apply. Although it works with a simple tap of a button, the service is not available in every country, so you need to check that your prospective nanny’s location is included.

AV by AOL

This clean and simple video chat service requires no login and runs in-browser, so it needs no downloads. A video chat is started with one click and offers a link that can be shared with up to four people. Just copy and paste the link into an email or tweet, or use AIM or Facebook if the other party is logged into those services. If there’s a busy or unwanted background, you can change from vertical to horizontal framing to lessen the distraction. Although perhaps not of the quality of Skype video, this is a simple, free service that doesn’t require advance setup, fees or special accounts to use.

Green Job Live

GreenJob Live  is a service that allows for face-to-face interviewing between potential nannies and caregivers seeking families without the need to download software or large files. GreenJob One-Way is a service that allows families to record customized interview questions for candidates to respond to via video, which is perfect for anyone trying to narrow down options from a large pool of potential caregivers. The family can then peruse the candidates and reach out to those who seem most likely to fit. It also allows candidates to upload resumes, cover letters, references and online profile URLs. The concierge level service offers tech checks on both sides to walk you through any issues, ensure audio and video is working well, and troubleshoot any problems. It also offers expedited webcam delivery if needed.

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Toddler Time: Top Books Your Little One Will Love

April 23, 2014

Whether it’s a bedtime story or an afternoon reading session, reading to your toddler provides an opportunity to bond, nurture and educate.

According to Mark Wright, center director for The Tutoring Center in Houston, reading to toddlers is critical for language development. “Toddlers are listening to you for an example of how to speak and when to speak,” says Wright. “But also even at this early age, they are looking for why and how to read. It’s a perfect time to show them that reading is fun, that you should do it often and that it’s not a chore.”

Show your toddler the joy of story telling and reading with these top books your little one will love.

The Pout Pout Fish

This fun, rhyming book by Deborah Diesen is about a fish who thinks his pouty face makes him destined to be gloomy. Funny rhymes and repetition build this story into a nice rhythm, says Wright. “I like that the vocabulary isn’t too simplistic and the pictures are bright and cheery,” he says. “If you’re a practiced story time reader or classroom teacher, there’s lots of possible voices and interactivity available on each page.”

Goodnight Moon

Besides being noted as a classic children’s book, Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown is a sweet and simple story about a bunny’s journey to sleep with vivid illustrations that are perfect for a bedtime story and an educational opportunity. Your toddler likely has an incredible capacity to learn and remember information, says Cary Swen, author of the blog The New York City Nanny. “Using this time to read to them helps them learn to hear a word and to recognize the word in written form and in picture form,” she says. “Reading the phrase ‘Good night Moon’ allows the child to hear the sentence, see the words and connect the picture of the moon to the phrase.”

Little One, Little One, What Do You See?

For a fun and educational book that teaches your toddler about rhyming and counting, this treasure by Alan Siewert will keep your child entertained for hours. While immersed in the story, your child will also learn how to recognize traits of various animals. Prompt his or her learning with questions, such as “What animals can jump?” or “Can you count how many elephants are in the book?”

Ka-Lunk!

This book, authored by Gloria Walker, helps your toddler to see that little “oops” in life can be bearable. According to Walker, the rhyming story is accompanied by whimsical and engaging expression illustrations. “It is a book aimed at toddlers and all the little bumps they may receive in life,” she says. “It depicts their resilience to keep moving forward developmentally with the help of family who lovingly assist them back up again.” What sets this book apart is that it includes a section for parents and nannies, with a table demonstrating developmental guidelines for children from birth to 18 months of age

Serinah and the Butterfly

A true and inspirational story written to empower children, author Rhonda Reif shares a tale about the adventures of her dog, Serinah, with a butterfly. In the story, Serinah sees a butterfly and begins to chase it around the yard, ultimately catching it and releasing it unharmed. According to Reif, the book provides four insights for toddlers: What appears impossible really is possible; never give up on your wishes and dreams; work toward achieving those dreams; and believing in yourself makes things happen. “Of course the moral of the story is that Serinah caught the butterfly because she didn’t know she couldn’t catch the butterfly,” says Reif. “She did not allow emotions, self-doubt or fear to get in her way.”

Mealtime

Toddlers often enjoy books about day to day situations that they might encounter, such as running errands, eating or going to bed, says Paige Lindblom, preschool director and owner of Fledgling Kids, an online company offering products to support the social and emotional health of children. Mealtime by Elizabeth Verdick shows little ones that mealtime can be positive, healthy and fun – a definite must for picky eaters. As a bonus, the book includes tips and ideas for parents, nannies and caregivers.

Owl Babies

This story by Martin Waddel explores the emotional journey of three owls who worry that their mom won’t come back. But, she does. “This adorable story helps reinforce to children that mom might not be there, but she will be back soon,” says Marina Lumsden, parent expert and certified Triple P Parenting program provider in St. Paul, Minn. The vivid images and illustrations make this book a must-have for the toddler in your life.

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Curing the Night Owl: Uncovering Sleep Issues Your Child May Be Struggling With

April 21, 2014

If your child is up all hours of the night and unwilling to lay down and catch up on her beauty sleep, it’s time to find a cure for your night owl. Although babies will often wake every three to six hours, your toddler and older children should be catching 10 to 12 hours of sleep each day.

According to Jennifer Schindele, certified child sleep consultant and founder of the Gift of Sleep Consulting in Philadelphia, Penn., setting expectations, enforcing strict bedtimes and ensuring your child is not reliant on sleep aids will help your tired little one drift into a sleep routine that is healthy and happy.

Why Won’t My Child Sleep?

One of the most common sleep issues children face during the night is over-tiredness, says Schindele. If your child has a bedtime that does not allow for adequate sleep and she is not drifting into peaceful slumber with naps during the day, it’s likely she is too worn out by the time you attempt to get her into her jammies.

Unfortunately, daytime naps and nighttime slumber are crucial partners in getting your child adequate sleep. “Disrupted nighttime sleep can make it difficult for children of napping age to take great naps during the day,” says Schindele. “Both combined can really create a vicious cycle of over-tiredness and frequent awakenings during naps and overnight.”

If your child will only fall fast asleep with a pacifier, in the arms of mom or dad or with the nanny rocking her, it could disrupt sleep drastically. “Sleep props will actually cause babies and young children to wake frequently during the night as they have not yet developed a self soothing strategy to transition themselves in between sleep cycles,” says Schindele.

How to Cure the Night Owl

If your night owl is keeping you and the entire family from getting much-needed sleep, Schindele recommends building his or her independence. “The most effective strategy to curing the resistance to fall asleep and the frequent wakings at night is to eliminate sleep props and allow the child time to fall asleep independently,” she says.

Remove the security blanket and pacifier, decrease the amount of time you spend soothing the child to sleep and gradually allow the child to learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Your night owl will also fall faster into sleep slumber each night if she is being put to sleep at an age-appropriate time each night. “Creating a consistent and solid bedtime routine leading up to being tucked into bed will give clear indicators to the baby or young child that sleep is approaching soon and begin to transition,” says Schindele.

Establishing sleep rules also helps reinforce expectations for night time.

Schindele suggests the following sleep rules for toddlers and preschoolers:

• Stay in bed
• Stay quiet
• Close your eyes and go to sleep
• If you wake during the night, close your eyes and go back to sleep
• Stay in bed until the sun is up

For older children, it may help to create a reward chart to track success and offer praise when they follow the sleep rules.

Uncovering Deeper Sleep Issues

If you have attempted to help your child fall asleep independently and by setting bedtimes that allow for adequate sleep and she is still not getting her beauty sleep, it may be time to seek professional help in case your child is suffering from a sleep disorder.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), nearly 30% of children may have a sleep disorder at some point during their childhood. The NASP reports that sleep disorders can affect a child’s social-emotional adjustment, development and also school performance.

Sleep disorders can range from night terrors, sleep walking, nighttime bedwetting and sleep-onset anxiety to obstructive sleep apnea, narcolepsy and delayed sleep-phase syndrome.

If you suspect that your child is suffering from a sleep disorder that extends beyond the occasional nightmare or restless night, it is important to schedule a consultation with your family physician or a child sleep consultant. In many cases, when a sleep problem is identified early on, your child can drift into a healthy sleep pattern sooner.

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How to Work with Mom and Dad to Establish Consistency

March 3, 2014

It’s bound to happen. As the nanny, you tell the kids “no” when they want candy before dinner, but as soon as mom or dad gets home, they divulge the children in your care with sugary sweets, ultimately spoiling their dinner appetite.

Beyond caving in with sweets, when mom and dad fail to back up the nanny or vice versa, it can lead to confusion and frustration for both the children and the adults. Instead of feeling like the “bad guy” when mom and dad give in, prompt a discussion to make a change in the household so you are all on the same page.

Uncovering the Inconsistencies

It’s no secret that parents and nannies want home environments and rules to be predictable for children. According to Deliberate Motherhood authors Saren Loosli and April Perry, co-founders of PowerofMoms.com, children need to know that there are clear expectations, regardless of who is caring for them at the time.

“If we had to obey one set of laws on weekdays and another set of laws on the weekends, and if we never knew what was legal or illegal in our country, how would we feel?” asked Loosli and Perry.

Even though it’s impossible to be 100% consistent all the time, the dangers of being regularly inconsistent can significantly impact your children and family. Gradually, your child will become confused when rules change or are not enforced and as a nanny, you may become frustrated, tired and worn down.

Children need and crave consistency. Consistency helps both children and adults to learn expected behaviors in order to make informed decisions. Children quickly learn that behaviors lead to outcomes, both favorable and unfavorable.

According to the experts at Nemours KidsHealth, teaching consistency to children also helps them learn self control, even though they may test the limits. For example, if your toddler hits a sibling or another child, consistent discipline, such as time out or loss of a toy for a period of time, ultimately teaches him that the behavior comes with a consequence. If you are inconsistent with discipline, the child will continue to test the limits because the consequence is not clear.

Speak Up and Establish Expectations

If you are frustrated with the inconsistencies in your home, begin by taking note of the rules that differ between you and the parents. Create a log of the instances when the children were indulged after you had been instructed to limit or discipline them. Keep in mind that the log is not to be used as “evidence” to present to the parents but rather provide examples to begin a discussion about consistency and rules in the home.

Many times, parents are unaware of behaviors that are interfering with the care of their children. As the family nanny, it’s important for you to speak up and ask for clarification on expectations and household rules.

“It’s important that the nanny and the parents sit down together and talk through the family rules and consequences together,” says Loosli and Perry. “It would also be a good idea for them to map out a general routine for the week, depending obviously on the age of the child.”

Once the routine is established and the nanny is clear about what is expected of him or her, it’s time to clarify and set expectations.

“They should sit down the children and discuss rules, consequences, schedules and expectations so that everyone has a chance to give input and can be on the same page,” says Loosli and Perry.

Allowing your child to have a say in the rules and expectations can be empowering. Your little one may be more eager to follow the rules if he or she had a part in creating these rules.

The open communication between the nanny, children and parents can also strengthen the bond of the family and help minimize the inconsistencies that exist on a regular basis.

“If rules, consequences and routines are impacted and discussed by everyone involved, then it doesn’t become the nanny’s job to make the house work,” says Loosli and Perry. “Instead, it becomes a team effort.”

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The Middle Child Syndrome: Recognizing Your Child’s Unique Needs

February 26, 2014

Stuck in the shuffle of older and younger siblings, middle children are often labeled as lost. The common stereotypes about middle children and the famously-dubbed ‘middle child syndrome’ don’t always apply to every child born in the middle of the family, though.

Learn how parents and nannies can break through the labels that accompany the middle child and recognize the unique needs and personality traits of these developing wonders.

Debunking the Myths

Despite claims that middle children are neglected, lacking drive, resentful, negative and feel like they don’t belong, Katrin Schumann, co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children, asserts that middle children are not “embittered wallflowers.”

Even though a Stanford University study revealed that middle children are less bold, less talkative and more envious than their older and younger siblings, Schumann argues that middle children are often social beings and key team players.

“If middles are so resentful and bitter, why are they more cooperative and trusting in their friendships? And why are they such successful leaders?” questions Schumann.

These stereotypes can work to a middle child’s advantage. “They become more independent, think outside the box, feel less pressure to conform and are more empathetic,” says Schumann. “This gives them great skills as employees and also makes them excellent team players and partners.”

In fact, middle children are often more driven than most perceive.

Unique Traits of Middle Children

According to Dr. Susan Bartell, parenting psychologist and author, middle children sometimes struggle to find an identity, but can be independent, unique, moody and attention seeking. “They will benefit from a parenting style that includes a little bit of alone time with an adult without other kids,” says Bartell. “They need to have their opinion heard and they need to be validated as an individual, not just as a younger and older sibling.”

With independence and a drive unlike any other birth order, it’s likely your middle child will develop into a savvy negotiator. “They can see all sides of a question and are empathetic and judge reactions well,” says Schumann. “They are more willing to compromise and so they can argue successfully.”

You can also expect your middle child to take on social issues and evoke change in his or her environment. “This is because the combination of risk taking and openness to experience leads to a willingness to try new things,” says Schumann.

Although middle children exhibit traits needed for success, the downside is that they also struggle to overcome characteristics such as low self-esteem. “Middles have lower self-esteem than other birth orders because of their lack of attention at home, but this can actually be positive as they don’t have huge egos,” says Schumann.

Middle children may also avoid conflict at all costs. Although it’s reassuring as a parent to know that your child is less likely to start an argument, the downfall is that your middle child may avoid addressing problems or be taken advantage of by friends, family members and co-workers.

Parenting a Middle Child

Because middle children are often moody and attention seeking, it is likely that he may be testing your limits one minute and acting like a people pleaser the next. One of the best ways to counteract attention-seeking tactics is to reassure your child and point out the specific traits he exhibits, especially those that differ from his first-born and last-born siblings. Promoting a middle child’s independence will provide reassurance and help him establish an identity.

If possible, toss the hand-me-downs to avoid making your middle child feel like she is second best. Although it may be necessary to pass down clothing or toys, try and provide something “new” for your middle child periodically so she does not feel like a clone of the firstborn.

Don’t forget to reserve special time for your middle child, too. Just as you may designate special days and times for older and younger siblings, it’s important to know that middle children crave one-on-one time with parents and caregivers, too.

Lastly, tune into your middle child with open communication. Focus on his passions, interests and hobbies to encourage independence and a sense of self for your child. Discuss what makes your child feel special and validate his concerns.

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From Icky to Yummy: Teaching Children Food Appreciation

February 24, 2014

If you hear a chorus of “yuck” and “eww” when setting food on the table for meals, it’s likely your child is not looking forward to the healthy meal you have prepared. Once they have been exposed to processed foods, such as chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese, many children have difficulty appreciating the taste of fresh fruit and veggies.

It’s not impossible, though, for your child to learn to appreciate healthy food options. With some creative strategies, you can turn those “yucks” to “yum” in no time.

Make Healthy Food the Norm

As parents, we all have good intentions of feeding our kids healthy, wholesome foods, but life often gets in the way. Running one child to dance lessons and the other to soccer practice at dinner time makes fast food options much more appealing and convenient. Unfortunately, these choices can deter your child from choosing and appreciating healthy foods.

Nutritionists at Super Healthy Kids recommend setting the example to help your children appreciate food. If you opt for sweets and fatty foods versus lean meats and veggies, it’s likely your kids will follow suit. “Kids eat what they know and they won’t ask for a special meal if they do not know it is an option,” explains Natalie Monson of Super Healthy Kids.

Food appreciation begins in the grocery store, she says. “Whatever you bring into your house is what your kids will eat,” says Monson. “If there aren’t fruits and vegetables available to them at your house, then they definitely will not eat them.”

Get your kids involved in meal selection by having them shop with you, read food labels and point out the nutritional value of each selection at the store. Make it fun by giving them a list of fatty foods to avoid and then ask them to hunt down healthier options.

Fun-Filled Food Concoctions

It is no secret that children like to be entertained. So why not make food fun, too?

Although you may have been taught not to play with your food, kids love interactive games – even during meal time. Get creative when preparing meals by using your imagination. Monson suggests pretending foods are objects to make them more appealing. “If the green beans are fishing poles and they have to catch five fish in a minute and eat the fishing pole with it, suddenly the green beans become more appealing,” she says.

When you relate healthy foods to activities your kids love, mealtime becomes more of a game they will enjoy.

Sharon Palmer, dietician and author of “The Plant-Powered Diet” recommends getting crafty with food preparation. Make snowy mountains with cottage cheese or funny faces in mashed potatoes with peas or raisins.

“Let them play with dried beans and carrots while you’re cooking,” says Palmer. “Get some play kitchen items, such as mini aprons, spoons, and bowls so they can play chef while you’re cooking. Help them to fall in love with healthy food.”

Don’t be afraid to try some adventurous foods in the kitchen, too, says Palmer. “In many cultures, children eat the exact same thing as their parents,” she says. “You might be surprised that your child likes a stir fry in peanut sauce or an Indian curry with basmati rice.”

Don’t always assume that you have to cook something different for your child. “My children, who were not the easiest eaters, fell in love with these foods,” says Palmer. “In addition, you’d be surprised that kids like things like crunchy whole grains like brown rice, wheat berries, barley, whole grain crackers and breads and even beans and veggies. Don’t assume they won’t like it.”

Take Baby Steps

Your child will not instantly love your healthy food choices overnight. However, if you take baby steps when introducing fruits and vegetables, he or she may become accustomed to healthier foods.

“Try to encourage rules, such as one vegetable at each meal and fruits for snacks,” recommends Palmer. “Then try new varieties. Most children have a few favorite vegetables and fruits, so include those at meals, but also add new ones.”

Studies show that after repeated tries, the food may become familiar, which encourages the possibility that they will try it, says Palmer. “Often the trick is just getting a child to try it,” she says. “

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Is My Baby Normal? Evaluating Your 12-Month Old’s Development

February 19, 2014

It’s refreshing to see your one-year old babble, crawl or even walk while going about her day, but it’s also normal for parents to question if their child is developing as she should. Should she be talking more? Is she growing like she should?

According to Lenora Gregory, managing director of the Nemours BrightStart early literacy program, one of the best ways to evaluate your child’s development is to schedule regular checks with your pediatrician and foster learning moments in the home to further her learning at this young age.

Typical 12-Month Skills

As your little one attempts to blow out the candle on her first birthday cake, her emotional and physical development is aging at the same time.

According to Gregory, the typical 12-month old is making sounds and starting to form his or her first words. Your child is making great strides to understand language at this age. She is also trying to communicate with you through broken words and hand gestures. Her vocabulary will continue to develop from one to two words at 12 months to more than 50 words by the time she turns two.

Emotionally, even one-year olds are trying to do things on their own, such as picking up objects, putting small bits of food in their mouths and communicating with broken words or babbling. During this second year of life, you can expect your child to get frustrated at times when she is unable to pick up a toy, feed herself or even while wanting to freely roam her surroundings. At this age, your child has a taste of freedom and wants to explore her independence. When you sense the onset of a tantrum, it’s best to create a distraction to deter the behavior.

Even though your child may not be walking, it’s likely she is trying to move those little feet around or pull up on furniture, gaining more balance each time she tries. While learning to walk, your child may fluctuate between needing to cling to you for reassurance and pushing you away so she can freely roam.

Development Through Play

Parents, nannies and caretakers can enhance a 12-month-old’s development by teaching skills through play.

Your child will learn about language through interaction with you. Gregory recommends talking with your child at all times. If she points to a ball, say “ball” to teach words. If she crawls toward her high chair, ask her if she is ready to eat and name all the foods as you two enjoy mealtime together. Exposing your child to words and interaction will help her develop her own vocabulary in no time.

You can also help your child’s physical development through play. Toddlers gain better control over hand-eye coordination when they can explore toys and their surroundings, according to the experts at Nemours Kids Health. Expose your little one to toys that prompt them to use their hands and eyes, such as building blocks or toys that produce sound when touched. As your toddler continues to push a button that produces a sound, she will soon learn cause and effect, thus developing her physical and mental skills

Pretend play is also fun and an effective teaching strategy for 12-month olds. If you want your child to drink from a sippy cup, begin with play. Gather toy kitchen items, such as a plastic cup or spoon, and show your child how to pretend to take a drink or a bite. Make it a game so she sees that independent behavior has rewards.

Seek Out Resources

If you have concerns about your child’s development, seek out community resources to further his or her learning. Check the local schools, daycares or chamber of commerce for mommy and me groups. Your child can develop social skills by playing with others and you can bond with other parents, all while learning how other children develop.

Primarily, Gregory recommends keeping open communication with your child’s care providers. “Parents should always be talking to their pediatrician if they have any questions or concerns, and, if the child is in daycare, they should speak with the daycare director,” she says. There are also a lot of trusted online resources to look to, such as KidsHealth.org and the book The Kids Health Guide for Parents: Birth to Age 5.”

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Yes or No? When to Indulge Your Kids and When to Tighten the Reins

February 17, 2014

“Indulge” has become a dirty word in parenting. It’s said that when we indulge our children, we’re spoiling them, effectively undermining our other parenting efforts and interventions. However, reverting from a constant “no” to a “yes” every now and then can have positive effects on your children and produce independent and respectful kids.

“I think it’s more than fine to indulge from time to time,” says Dr. John Duffy, Chicago-based psychotherapist and author of The Available Parent. “Once in awhile, I like the idea of parents indulging a child because she is special and loved. There are no strings attached to the occasional indulgence. It is, instead, simply a reflection of a parent’s love.”

When to Say “No”

In a society that has new gadgets hitting the market on a daily or hourly basis, it’s common for children to put their wants before their needs. However, you shouldn’t rush to the store just because your child wants a new toy or the latest iPod or tablet.

Rewards must have meaning for your child to appreciate his or her great fortune in life. Buying a $300 toy “just because” does not teach your child the significance of money, hard work and respectful behavior.

In addition, indulging a child after disrespectful or inappropriate behavior occurs can undermine the importance of consequences. “It fails to work when tied to a lack of performance,” says Duffy. “We have discipline for that.”

Teach your child that consequences for behavior do not include indulgences, extra privileges or rewards so she can learn to correct the behavior.

It’s important to check in with yourself about how often and in what ways you currently indulge your children, says Erica Curtis, California-based family therapist. “Indulgence doesn’t just have to do with things you buy, but your general parenting behavior as well,” she says. “Doing things for your children that they can do themselves, giving your children too much power to make choices for the family, not setting clear expectations for the way they treat you and others and fixing all of your children’s problems – these are all indulgences that promote the kinds of behaviors we don’t generally want.”

As a result, these types of indulgences promote the type of behaviors parents don’t generally want and can leave children ill-prepared for the real world. “In actuality, it often leaves children feeling uncared for by parents and they may not learn the value of things and not understand where money comes from or what it takes to earn it,” says Curtis.

When to Say “Yes”

When indulging your child, moderation is key. Indulgences do not have to be extravagant.

“It’s good to show children how to earn things and the reward of hard work,” says Tammy Gold, psychotherapist and parenting expert with Gold Parent Coaching.

For example, ask your child to help rake the lawn for a few days if he wants to earn a new game. “Children cannot just ‘get’ things all of the time for no reason,” says Gold. “It will mean less to them.”

Instead, tie indulgences to expected behavior. If your child has finished all of his chores or completed homework in a timely, consistent manner, host a family movie night to indulge. If your child eats a healthy meal, indulge with a small dessert occasionally to show that you are proud of his efforts.

Indulgences offer parents an opportunity to show appreciation for a child’s efforts, too. If your child helps a neighbor carry in the groceries or goes above and beyond with household chores without being asked to take on extra tasks, praise his efforts and reward him with a trip to get ice cream or a day at the amusement park.

It’s important to recognize and show your appreciation for these efforts, but the key to indulging is to make it random so your child does not begin to work hard just for the reward. Indulgences should be spontaneous rewards that a child does not expect.

During times of transition, it may also be appropriate to indulge. If your child or even the family is stressed about a move, financial stress or illness affecting family members, indulging can help all of you lean on each other for support. Instead of spending the day doing laundry and scrubbing floors, surprise the kids with an outdoor soccer or football game to relieve stress. Give your child a “pass” with a daily chore if he is overloaded with homework or order a pizza on a night when he or she is responsible for dinner.

When unexpected and sincere, indulgences can help children to see that parents understand the struggles they endure and appreciate their efforts they go above and beyond. Don’t forget to indulge yourself, too!

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