The Changing Art of Teaching a Child to Ride a Bike with Pam Cosgrove of Joovy

March 10, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

As a mom to a soon to be three-year-old, teaching him to ride a bike is next up on the agenda. But, like with many things in the parenting world, how you teach a child to ride a bike is changing. More and more parents are opting to start their children off on a balance bike instead of a traditional bicycle with training wheels. Being a mom who likes to be in the know, I decided to give the balance bike a try too, so I reached out to my friends at Joovy  to learn more about the growing trend of balance bikes and asked them to send over their new balance bike, the Bicycoo, for me to review.  Here’s what Pam had to say, and you can scroll down to the bottom to see my thoughts on the Joovy Bicycoo.

eNannySource: What’s all the rage about balance bikes?

Pam: Balance bikes are the coolest way to teach a child to ride a bike. Balance bikes are very popular in Europe and catching on fast here in the States. The idea is simple – on a balance bike your child learns to balance first. Master that and then when you put him on a ‘real’ bike all he needs to do is learn to pedal.  

eNannySource: How do balance bikes help kids learn to ride?

Pam: As soon as your child is big enough to straddle the balance bike, he is ready to ride. The idea is to get him comfortable with the feel of the bike and learn to balance first before taking on pedaling. The beauty of the balance bike is that you isolate the experience down to one task initially. Children will start out slow and really just walk with the bike between their legs. As they get more comfortable, they’ll go faster and eventually sit on the little seat and pick their feet up. They will feel tremendous confidence in mastering balancing. Parents are amazed when they put the child on a “big kid bike” after learning how to “ride” on a balance bike. Because the child already understands the balancing part, he gets on the “big kid bike” and all he has to learn to do is pedal.  We’ve seen very young children on “big kid bikes” after learning first on a balance bike.

eNannySource: So, balance bike or training wheels? Why?  Balance bike for sure is the best way to teach your child to ride a bike. To introduce training wheels and then turn around and take them away is a negative learning experience. Training wheels are counter intuitive and do not teach a child to balance. For example, if the child is on the bike with training wheels and they turn, the child may lean towards the outside to take advantage of the support of the training wheel rather than balancing into the turn. Teaching a child to ride with a balance bike allows the child to focus on balancing first, mastering that before moving on to learning to pedal.

eNannySource: What made Joovy develop their own balance bike, the Bicycoo?

Pam: Joovy is all about active families. We love bringing product to market to get kids active and keep families involved with fitness and a healthy lifestyle.

eNannySource: What else should people know about Joovy?

Pam: As a family company, our goal is to take care of our customers as if they are family members too. We consider parenting the most important job on the planet, and therefore we want our products to be reliable and helpful in doing this most important job! We’d love to have you check us out at www.joovy.com and like us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/joovy.

Michelle’s Review of the Bicycoo

Joovy knows kids and knows families. The balance bike arrived (at no cost to me) in a small, lightweight box that was sealed shut with glue, rather than razor sharp staples. While Luke popped the bubbles in the bubble wrap packaging, I screwed the handlebars on so he could take his first ride. Once I was done, he sat on the bike, lifted his feet and said “Whoa, I’m balancing.” Pretty impressive that he got the concept right out of the box. Just as I was told he’d do, he began walking the bike around. Then he began to lift his feet up as he sat on the seat to see how long he could stay centered and keep the bike upright. Next came walking with short glides and I’m sure in no time he’ll be soaring over straightaways and turning on a dime, or at least as fast as his little hands can maneuver the size-appropriate  handle bars. My biggest surprise? He didn’t ask for the pedals. Having taught my daughter to ride on a bike with training wheels last year, this is already proving to be a more positive and less stressful experience. The only downside? Now my daughter wants one too. 

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Expert Insights: Talking About Resilience with Lorraine Hirst of Way2be.me

March 6, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

For many parents and caregivers, helping their children bounce back from defeat is a real challenge, so I reached out to Lorraine Hirst, emotional intelligence and resilience expert, to see how parents and nannies can help children develop their bounce-back factor and foster resilience. Here’s what she had to share.

eNannySource:  Why is resilience important?

Lorraine: There are some children who don’t seem to recover quickly from problems or don’t seem to want to keep trying, i.e. they lack resilience. Resilience, known as the ‘bounce-back’ factor, is a character trait that is argued to be more vital than IQ and of more value to employers than good math and literacy. School teachers and other caregivers can tell you in a few seconds which children these are. They are the ones lacking in self-esteem, who may be victims of bullying, don’t join in group activities or clubs, and seem a bit vulnerable, and despite possibly receiving some additional academic support, they are not quite reaching their potential or coping as well as they could.

In younger children it can manifest as lack of social skills, inability to manage their emotions, lack of impulse control and so on. Having said this, they are still young, so these are the things we help them with as they grow!   As these children get older, they can become more vulnerable to risks such as problems with transition to secondary school, alcohol abuse (and there’s growing evidence that young binge drinking is on the increase, especially in the UK), drugs, self-harm, eating disorders, other mental health problems and even teenage pregnancy. Underlying problems such as anxiety and behavioral issues can be compounded by a lack of emotional resilience.

eNannySource:  How can parents and caregivers help a child become more resilient?

Lorraine: Helping children deal with their emotions is key. This is often called, ’emotional coaching.’ That’s doesn’t mean dismissing problems, i.e. ‘don’t cry about that, be strong.’ These messages are not helpful. They suppress the emotion. The opposite is also unhelpful, i.e. to over-react, rush in or ‘marshmallow’ the child. This gives the child the message that they are helpless, an opposite trait if you trying to foster resilience. A hug or arm on a shoulder goes a long way to helping a child (or adult!) deal with the stress hormones that follow physical or emotional incidents. Secondly, acknowledge what a child is experiencing. If they can’t articulate what they are feeling, then do that for them, e.g. ‘you must be feeling really sad about that’ or ‘I expect you feel angry right now.’ Offering a magical solution, such as, ‘I wish we didn’t have to do homework or that there weren’t any bullies in the world,’ quickly followed by some adult reality, e.g. ‘sometimes there are some things we have to do or there are some people in life who don’t like us and want to make us feel bad.’ When the child is calm, they often come up with their own solutions to a problem (or you offer some solutions to a younger child, structuring the aftermath). Often, a child who is nurtured in this way will simply get on with what you wanted them to move onto in the first place.

Self-esteem is often linked to resilience, although resilience (also known as the ability to thrive) can be present when low self-esteem is also experienced, studies have shown. Having said this, healthy self-esteem can aid resilience as it can support a ‘can do’ attitude. Self-esteem is learned from adults around us, according to many experts, therefore building children’s self-esteem alone, without addressing your own, is often quite difficult and a whole other topic on its own. Whilst there are many other ways to build resilience in children, including taking up a hobby, praising the effort and not the end result of a task, moderating language that creates limiting beliefs and many more, the emotional coaching would be my number one.

eNannySource:  What is self-compassion?

Lorraine: The point about self-esteem and resilience leads me directly to the issue of self-compassion. Quite simply, I think of this as, ‘giving yourself a break!’ I don’t mean a chocolate (although those can be useful in moderation!), but not being so self-critical. It’s about forgiving ourselves when we mess up. We, including myself, can often hear ourselves saying the ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘ought’ words in our own minds. E.g. I ‘ought’ to be able to do this.’ ‘I ‘should’ be working right now.’ Worse are the voices that tell us we’re not capable, that we are silly, stupid, etc. I’m not talking about real voices but the critical parent in our own minds.

Self-compassion is a willingness to look at your own mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding – it’s embracing the fact that to err is indeed human. When we are self-compassionate in the face of difficulty, we neither judge ourselves harshly, nor feel the need to defensively focus on all our awesome qualities to protect our fragile egos. Studies have shown that having a good dollop of self-compassion leads to higher levels of personal well-being, optimism and happiness, and to less anxiety and depression.

eNannySource:  Why is it important?

Lorraine: Lack of self-compassion may explain why some confident, bright individuals sometimes have less resilience than other people, i.e. they don’t take changes or constructive criticism very well, possibly due to their high expectations of themselves or lack of true self-worth. Ultimately, children (and adults) are more likely to have resilience and be able to ‘bounce back’ if they are willing to see their own weaknesses as changeable things they can correct, to move on from mistakes, committed to learning and improving. Everyone makes mistakes, but resilient people learn and move forward because they know how to forgive themselves first.

eNannySource:  How can parents and caregivers foster it?

Lorraine: In addition to helping children deal with their emotions and view mistakes as learning, it’s important to emphasize that it is entirely normal to feel sad, jealous, angry, etcetera, sometimes. There is no inner state or utopia where we are 100% immune to these feelings.

Modeling self-compassion is probably the key way to teach this skill. This is about not being too hard on yourself when things go wrong or, if you catch yourself being self-critical, such as saying out loud, ‘Bah, I’m such an idiot,’ we can rephrase this and say something like, ‘Well, that was a bit silly but it happened. I wonder what I can do now?’

We can judge the behavior, not the child. For instance, we can say, ‘That was an unkind thing you did,’ rather than, ‘You are disrespectful.’ The former describes the behavior and leaves some room for improvement, while the latter is rather judgmental and can set up a negative view of himself/herself in the child. Also, praise the task, don’t over-praise the child, i.e. ‘That was a clever idea’ is better than saying ‘you are brilliant.’ This is because the latter sets up an expectation, which may be difficult to maintain and then effects the child’s self-worth when they do something which is not so perfect.

Focus on positive behavior and changes, rather than harshly punishing the past. Yes, it’s important to teach children good behaviors, but they need to feel that they have some say in how to find better solutions. That way, they build the ability to reflect, learn from mistakes and move on. For instance, if a child hurts another child’s feelings, s/he can be invited to reflect on the effect of his/her actions (or given some suggestions, if the child is younger) or you can say, ‘How do you think you can behave in future?’

Ultimately, my hope is to explain that self-compassion is NOT about instilling a huge sense of awesomeness, as this is the road to narcissism and potential heightened self-criticism. (An ‘I’m OK, you’re not OK’ life position isn’t very helpful to building a cohesive society.) Parents and caregivers can sometimes overdo the self-esteem angle, which is a form of over-indulgence in itself. It is not realistic to think we can all be rock stars, for instance. Firstly, though, a look at our own inner critic is a good starting place for parents and caregivers. If we have self-compassion, then our compassion for others or ability to nurture children in this important life skill will naturally flow.

Lorraine Hirst lives in the middle of the UK with her family and she loves helping people explore their own inner resilience. Lorraine’s most recent work has been the development of www.Way2be.me programs, which are a series of lessons for children and sessions for parents and caregivers that are tailored to their needs, but that focus broadly on emotional resilience and other essential life skills. Lorraine holds a Masters in Public Policy & Management of Care Services. True to her core values, Lorraine has always worked in the areas of early intervention and prevention. Her motto, borrowed from Jean I Clarke, is ‘Take care of the needs of the parents and you take care of the needs of the child.’

A free factsheet and a regular newsletter are available from www.way2be.me  for those who would like more information on resilience, self-esteem and self-compassion.

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Expert Insights with Dr. Thomas Phelan on 1-2-3 Magic!

March 4, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Besides my own mother, no one has shaped my parenting style and caregiving philosophies more than Dr. Thomas Phelan, clinical psychologist, founder of the 1-2-3 Magic program and author of the 1-2-3 Magic book series. That said, you can only imagine how honored I was when Dr. Phelan accepted my invitation to write an endorsement of my first book, Nanny to the Rescue! His method is one I wholly endorse, and his books are the first I recommend to my own clients. For parents and caregivers who are struggling to manage their children’s behavior or new parents who are looking for a solid discipline strategy, the 1-2-3 Magic book series can positively change your parenting life.

Recently I had a chance to chat with Dr. Phelan and find out why his message is so powerful and why he believes his approach really works. Here’s what he had to say.

eNannySource: Tell me about how you came up with the concept behind 1-2-3 Magic.

Dr. Phelan: The 1-2-3 Magic program is an outgrowth of my private practice as a clinical psychologist and my parenting experience. It also draws from my experience in child guidance and working in the mental health field with children and families. I distinctly remember one day when I was talking to a mother who came in about her 10-year-old son. She was going on and on and on, and I realized I was starting to get irritated with her because she talked so much. I thought to myself if I am irritated – what about her 10-year-old son? He must be irritated too! Then it dawned on me. Talking is not benign. It’s not even neutral. Talking can be a positively negative experience if you know what I mean.

eNannySource.com: What I love about your program is the non-emotional approach to discipline. Can you tell me more about why that’s such an important part of the program?

Dr. Phelan: First, the more you talk, the more emotional you get. The more you talk, the more you tend to confuse and fluster your child while they are trying to think clearly about your message. You get emotional, the child gets emotional and then no one thinks clearly.

Second, some kids enjoy getting a big bang out of their parents – in a negative sense. This is a big problem for kids who enjoy rocking the boat. The more of a response they get, the more satisfaction they get, thus the more revenge they get.  If they can get successful revenge, they will.

eNannySource: I know no discipline strategy is a one-sized-fits-all fix, but I have seen 1-2-3 Magic work for tons of different types of children in the 15 years I’ve been using the approach. Why does it work so well?

Dr. Phelan: It works for most kids most of the time. It works because parents know what they are doing and they have a strategy for each problem. Kids sense if their parents do not know what they are doing. They pick up on confidence, and if the parents know what they are doing it is a deterrent to misbehavior. The trick is to get the kids to cooperate before they’re overloaded. By not talking and by not getting emotional, you get them to cooperate, as opposed to getting more emotional and getting into an argument. When that happens, the child is churned up and he can’t cooperate.  You have success because you are aborting the emotional response in an early stage for both parents and children.

eNannySource.com: What’s the biggest mistake parents make today in terms of disciplining their kids?

Dr. Phelan: They talk too much. They see kids as little adults.

eNannySource: You talk about stop and start behaviors. Which is harder, to get a behavior to stop or to start?

Dr. Phelan: It is definitely harder to get a kid to start a behavior. Think about it: getting up and out of the house, eating dinner and doing homework versus stopping whining and stopping arguing.  To stop misbehavior with motivation using the counting to three method, it stops in a half a second. Homework could take 50 minutes, eating can take 20. The longer something takes, the more motivation is required.

eNannySource: You have several versions of the book out there – some geared towards teachers and Christian parents. Does the strategy change with the audience?

Dr. Phelan: The theory is the same, but the situations they address are different.  The book for teachers addresses classroom-related issues. The Christian book starts with a Bible verse and ends with exercises for Christian parents to enhance their knowledge of the program with commentary. The Christian book actually came about because a Baptist minister called me and told me I was missing out on a big market because the book had the word magic in the title. We debated taking magic out of the title and then decided against it. The theory is compatible with the Bible, so we edited the interior of the book to reflect that.

eNannySource: What is the one thing you wish parents knew before they came to see you?

Dr. Phelan: All of us got caught off guard when we become parents.  It’s a shock and a trauma. Give yourself a break. You entered into a thing that was more shocking and more traumatic then you ever could have imagined. Don’t shoot from the hip. Find a strategy.  Pick something – anything – and stick with it.

Dr. Phelan’s program that started out as a 60 page pamphlet has now sold over 1.4 million copies of books in 22 languages. You can learn more about Dr. Phelan’s 1-2-3 Magic approach and purchase copies of his book at his company’s website http://www.123magic.com/. 

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Expert Insights: Cleaning Your Media Devices with Anthony Scarsella of Gazelle

February 26, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Not long ago I was on the phone with my mother, helping her sort through an issue she was having. Being the good mom that I am, I sat my young children down at the table and gave them a snack, so I could finish the call. While they were snacking, they were also playing on the family iPod Touch together. Being the helpful kids that they are, when they went to wash their hands from having their snack, they brought the iPod along too. It had fingerprints on it and was sticky, so of course they wanted to clean it off. I heard the water running a little too long, went in the bathroom, and both kids were sitting on the floor, scrubbing the iPod clean with a soaking wet, soapy towel. I tried to save the iPod to no avail. After our incident I reached out to Anthony Scarsella of Gazelle to learn if there was anything else I could do to bring life back to my broken iPod. I got a real-life lesson on how to properly clean electronics and thought I’d share that lesson with you too.

eNannySource: What are the best tips for cleaning an iPhone?

Anthony: Every month or so you should give your device a good cleaning. Remember, phones are more likely to carry bacteria than any other electronic gadget. It’s important to always power off your device before performing any of the cleaning steps below.

First, grab yourself a microfiber cleaning cloth and a gadget-safe cleaning solution. Brasso and Zagg are good brands. Always spray the cleaner on the rag – never spray it directly on the device. Next, grab a compressed Air Can that’s meant for use with electronics. These are available at Office Depot, NewEgg, Staples and most office supply stores. Clean out all the ports on the device, including the headset jack, connector port and SIM card slot. Finally, re-apply your screen protector and case, and then power your device back on. This is always a good time to back up your phone with iTunes as well. I recommend doing a back-up simultaneously with your monthly phone cleaning.

eNannySource: Speaking of backing-up, what’s the best way to back-up?

Anthony: I advise people to back-up their phone every 30 days using the approved method for your device. Some of the primary methods include iTunes, Google and USB sync.

When it comes time to sell or get rid of your device, though, I remind people to remove all of the personal data that exists on their device. To do this, follow the factory reset instructions in the device manual to perform a full factory reset. You should also remove SIM cards and memory cards. Most often, data stored on these types of external cards do not get wiped out with a reset.

eNannySource: Back to cleaning, what items should you use to clean your devices? What items should you never use?

Anthony: Brasso, Zagg and Monkey Spunk are great products designed just for cleaning electronics. Never use any harsh detergents or any alcohol or ammonia based cleaners. These could damage the finish of your device and, in extreme cases, can even damage the device internals.

eNannySource: Is there a best product for cleaning the screen of a device?

Anthony: AppleJuice 8oz. screen cleaning kit is great for screens. It is safe and iPhone 5 approved. Zagg wipes are also great if you need a quick wipe down of the entire gadget, including the screen. It’s important to remember that the screen on smartphones and tablets holds a lot of the value, so you’ll want to be sure to take extra good care of the screen. I always recommend a good screen cleaning every 30 days along with a new screen protector film install.

eNannySource: What about water damage? Can it be corrected?

Anthony: If your phone comes into contact with water or another liquid, resist the urge to panic while the liquid saturates the internal components. Instead, follow these simple steps to prevent lasting damage.

• Step 1: Remove your phone from the liquid and power off your device. Due to their conductive natures, water and other liquids short-circuit electronics. Do not power on your phone, charge it or connect it to other devices without it having proper time to dry.
• Step 2: Dry your phone with a soft, absorbent cloth and carefully wipe down the headphone jack and charge port. If you can remove the back cover and take out the battery, do it. If your phone is a GSM/AT&T model, remove and dry the SIM card and tray. Evaporating liquid with a heat source causes additional damage and is not recommended.
• Step 3: Lay your phone in a safe, dry place. Allow at least 48 hours for the liquid to evaporate before reinserting the SIM components or turning on the phone.

If the above doesn’t seem to work, consider using an alternative drying method by placing the phone in rice. The best way to do this is to place your phone in a plastic bag filled with uncooked rice. The rice facilitates the evaporation process since dry rice grains act as a safe, natural alternative to other desiccants, such as silica gel. The rice grains actually absorb excess liquid while being too large to enter ports or separations in the phone body.

If your phone cannot be saved, don’t fear. You can sell your broken device to Gazelle. Believe it or not, broken iPhones and iPads are worth far more than you think. Currently, you can get up to $130 for a broken iPhone.

Anthony Scarsella is the Chief Gadget Officer at Gazelle. In this role, he serves as the consumer device expert, monitoring trade-in activities for www.Gazelle.com, and managing the availability of the latest and greatest consumer tech gadgets and how they will impact the consumer tech market.

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Military Veterans as Nannies: An Interview with Jonathan Gilliam of Tactical Nanny

February 24, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

When it made the news that a nanny agency specializing in placing military veterans as caregivers was opening up, there was a buzz of concern and interest amongst those in the nanny industry. To learn more about the Tactical Nannies program I reached out to Jonathan Gilliam, president and CEO of United States Continued Service, the parent company of Tactical Nannies. Here’s what he had to share. 

eNannySource: I think when people first hear that military veterans are being sought out to provide nanny care they wonder two things: first, how do you reconcile the idea of being a combat veteran with a nurturing caregiver, and second, what about post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental issues?

Jonathan: I understand both of those concerns, and I think most people’s perception of the military is off the mark is many ways. With respect to reconciling a trained, military combat veteran, it is important to note the core elements that drive a person, male or female, to enter into military service. Those core elements are love of their fellow citizens and a desire to protect our freedoms and rights. The key words here are love and protect. Under the body armor and ammunitions is a human being who is serving at a level of selflessness that most people will never know without being in the military. This is easily translated into caring for children and protecting a family/home. Our pilot program includes several personality screening practices. Not only am I a former Navy SEAL, but I also served as a special agent in New York for eight years. I am associating with other agents to complete a background screening that gives us a complete picture of the personality and motivation of our nanny candidates, as well as making sure the underlying love and protective nature is at the forefront. I know it is unusual hearing those words from a trained warrior, but it is actually the basis for what we do.

PTSD is, as you pointed out, a major concern for many people. We understand that. In our screening process we will pay close attention to indicators of PTSD. However, the sheer numbers of veterans returning from duty overseas does not lend itself to an overwhelming percentage of PTSD sufferers. There just isn’t a lot of PTSD. What we see more often is the need for a “debrief” or time-out after returning from overseas. The awareness is so heightened in a war environment, that when you return, it takes time to turn it down. Reactions are quicker, attitudes are more assertive. But it is not PTSD the majority of the time.

eNannySource: You mentioned people’s views of the military are off the mark. Can you elaborate on what that means?

Jonathan: Unfortunately, many people in the American public see young enlisted people as dropouts that couldn’t make it anywhere else. This couldn’t be further from the truth in most cases. A high percentage of young people entering into military service have a drive to serve and a determination to succeed that cannot be met through college. Many of these individuals do in fact finish college after an initial tour of duty. Some take online classes, some night school and others transfer into the Reserves or National Guard and attend full time. Regardless, within two to four years of their entry into service, these young people have developed a core set of values and skills that propel them forward in life. Learning how to operate using Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) and how to function in a team environment, it is driven into everyone that serves that you are a leader no matter what rank you hold. This part of the training is widely unknown or understood by the majority of employers and the American public itself.

Jonathan: I am looking for a veteran who can verbalize their basic skills, understanding the core of their training. USCS will provide a series of tests, exercises and retesting on an individual and team basis to see how adept they are at using the skills they have acquired during their active military time. Each nanny will be screened for personality issues, to include PTSD, identity issues, stress and the possibility of personality disorders that may be threatening to children. This test is created by a former member of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, specializing in Child Sex Crimes and Child Abduction. We are actively looking for a child development expert to associate with in order to set up classes/training exercises to develop an effective curriculum that will ensure a well-rounded and educated nanny.eNannySource:  What will you look for in a nanny?

eNannySource: With your experience and background, what types of gaps in screening do you think currently exist when it comes to screening nannies?

Jonathan: I think the gaps begin with the families themselves. In many cases cost overrides experience and dependability when it comes to picking a nanny. Many parents give more thought to their budget than they do to the person they are hiring to watch over and protect their children. While it is understandable that budgets are an important issue in today’s tumultuous economic climate, the extra money for childcare can be found in the sacrifice of a few weekends out on the town a month, or the amount of Christmas presents a family buys each year.

On the other side of the spectrum, it is apparent that many of the nanny services employ “under the table” services. This allows for a cheaper full time nanny. This, along with little to no background check when background checks are promised, shows a sickening side of childcare. This is not only unacceptable, it is criminal. I have seen it, and regardless of the arguments on the side of nanny services, it exists in this industry. That is a standard USCS and the Tactical Nannies program will change.

eNannySource: Why nannies? How did you get into this business?

Jonathan: United States Continued Service (USCS) is the parent company of the Tactical Nannies program. Providing veterans as nannies is just one of our projects, as we are a company that creates projects/proposals around the skills of military and government veterans. We then market those projects/proposals to the public and private sectors, and then staff them with trained veterans once we have clients. We are involved in Law Enforcement Training (Patrol and SWAT), Executive Protection, Business Development, Company Restructuring, the instruction of SOP’s and Teamwork, etc. If there is an industry that we can influence, participate in or own using our trained veterans, USCS will be there. We are the cutting edge of veteran employment, where military and government veterans can go to continue their service and the American public can find the experience they need to have successful businesses or lives.

eNannySource: What do you want people to know most about what you do?

Jonathan: We believe in earning our citizenship. USCS is built upon those individuals that have served in a capacity that most people will never know or understand. We take these elite citizens and we introduce them into the public and private sectors to refine our communities, influence our industries and set the standard for what an American should be.

eNannySource: Who do you see as your ideal client?

Jonathan: In the case of the Tactical Nannies program, our ideal client can be on several levels. High income wealthy families, successful families that only need a part-time nanny, elderly families, special needs families and high end hotels. This list isn’t exhaustive, but is expanding everyday as requests and suggestions are made.

Jonathan Gilliam is the founder and CEO of United States Continued Service, the parent company of Tactical Nannies. To learn more visit http://continuedservice.com/Tactical_Nannies.html. 

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Expert Insights: Helping Students Strategize for College with Career Coach Crystal Kadakia

February 20, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

With the cost of college rising, parents and students can no longer afford to wait until college starts to determine what career path to take. So how can parents help kids make such tough decisions, like what they’ll study and what they’ll be? I reached out to career coach Crystal Kadakia from Career Indulgence to find out. 

eNannySource: When should parents begin encouraging children to start considering their career and college options?

Crystal: Tenth grade is the ideal time, as this allows the flexibility for trial and error with electives and extra-curricular activities in school. This may sound surprisingly early to some parents, however when we consider the rising costs of college and poor economy today, it becomes more and more vital to have a clear college strategy so students can get the most out of college. Unfortunately, high school counselors not only are overwhelmed by the sheer number of students (the average ratio is 471 students to 1 counselor), but they do not have the specialized skill set or methodology to guide teens in making this critical decision.

eNannySource: What about the cost of college? How are today’s students paying for college?

Crystal: The average cost of college is the highest it has ever been, with an average cost of $22,000 per year for in state public college and $43,000 per year for private college. Many students are swimming in debt, with 60% of students graduating with debt and 25% of these students having more than $30,000 in debt.

Students are paying for college through financial aid, smart planning in advance from their parents, internships throughout school and scholarships. What is clear, however, is that those who have a defined college strategy are more likely to get a job that is higher paying and in their field. Students who have internships are 20% more likely to get a job and earn higher pay. The chances of getting an internship greatly increase when students are focused and have a clear goal.

eNannySouce: How can parents encourage children to explore their career choices?

Crystal: Parents can talk about your own career journey – not only is this a good relationship builder, it is very helpful for teens to see how what one does in school that translates to the workforce and the “real world.” They can also create a safe environment for exploration. This sometimes includes allowing your teen to feel safe to try/fail/try/fail and switch from activity to activity

eNannySource:  What’s your best advice to kids considering their career and college options?

Crystal: Get as much experience you can. Talk, talk, talk. Shadow someone. Ask your parents if they know anyone in that field you can talk to. Work in that field as an unpaid intern, even if for a week. The difference between learning in a textbook and applying it in the real world can be very, very different. This will also greatly enhance college applications and could be a key differentiator for admissions and scholarships.

For college options, search for the top ranked schools in your major. These schools will have the better professors and better alumni networks that can help you search for the first job. Talk to current students in the program and get their likes/dislikes.

eNannySource: What’s the biggest college planning mistake parents make?

Crystal: Skipping the “why” and jumping right into which college? Financial aid? SAT prep? For the amount of time and money spent in college, knowing why your teen is going to college is critical. This also builds visible confidence in your teen – confidence that eventually plays out in better grades and an easier, more fun college experience.

Based in Atlanta, GA, Crystal Kadakia is a training manager for the multi-billion dollar consumer products company Procter & Gamble, as well as a career coach specializing in college strategies for students. Crystal is passionate about helping individuals find and embrace their authentic, unique personalities and, subsequently, use their authenticity as a key differentiator in pursuing a career. Outside of coaching and her full time job, she enjoys road trips, salsa dancing, self-development and learning anything new. You can learn more about Crystal at www.careerindulgence.com and follower her @CareerNdulgence. 

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Expert Insights: Focusing on Today’s Youth with Anthony Goulet, Gang Prevention and Interventionist

February 18, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Recently, I had the chance to connect with the author of God, Help Me Tie My Shoes! The Sacred Contract of Fatherhood and gang prevention and interventionist Anthony Goulet. I wanted to get his take on the misconceptions people have about today’s youth, how parents and caregivers can identify at-risk youth and how they can help keep them on the right track. Here’s what he had to say.

eNannySource: What are some common misconceptions about today’s youth?

Anthony: The misconceptions about today’s youth are too vast to detail in a short interview. I will say that any and all misconceptions about today’s young people occur when our young people are viewed as anything other than what they are. What they are is Sacred, Miracles and Gifts. Any negative label placed upon our young people begins when adults fall further from the accurate perception that our youth are Sacred and are here with a profound message. Straying from the recognition of our youth as miracles begins a thought process that is unwilling to look at the cause of negative behaviors and only see the symptoms.

There are no “bad” young people; however there are many young people who are hurting. Hurt comes before anger and anger comes before violence. One specific misconception some adults carry is that some young people are unreachable and un-teachable. There is no young person who is unreachable or un-teachable, so long as the heart doing the reaching and the teaching is full of love, honor, and respect. Having to go back to our hearts to reach the “hard to reach” young person is just one of many lessons that our youth teach those of us who remain willing to learn from them. When we are willing to learn from our young people, they are willing to learn from us.

eNannySource: How did you end up working with at-risk youth and in gang prevention?

Anthony: I was labeled as an “at-risk youth” and went to programs with very good mentors who were able to take anything I gave them and turn it into something positive. I experienced the power of caring adults who walk a healing road to the best of their ability, and it positively impacted my life. These same mentors invited me to work at a youth program with them in 1991. It was in this experience where I found one of my callings and have worked in youth prevention and intervention ever since.

eNannySource: How do kids end up in gangs?

Anthony: The times, places and situations may vary, but there is one common thread for every young person I have been blessed to work with who was gang affiliated… pain. The pain the young person experienced in their home was more painful than the pain within gang life.  Unfortunately, many young people endure abuse and neglect in every conceivable form, which leaves them traumatized. Although the cost within gang life is very high, there are some things in this life worse than death. As I’ve stated for years, the wounds within gang life are small compared to the wounds that cause our young people to choose a life within gangs. No, not all young people who have experienced the trauma caused by domestic violence, abuse and neglect become gang affiliated. However, we can be certain that most gang affiliated young people have been traumatized.

eNannySource: What can parents do to prevent their children from ending up in a gang?

Love your children by seeing them, listening to them and being a healthy example. Encourage the healthy and beautiful dreams of your children, even if it’s not your dream for them. Our children aren’t here to be us, so love them for them for who they are. Encourage them to live out the songs in their hearts and find the beauty in their songs to remember what they’re teaching us. Our youth are not looking for, nor do they expect perfection, they need their needs met in a healthy way, or they will find other avenues to meet these needs that can cost them their freedom and lives.

Cultivate the expectations and rules within your home that will cultivate what healthy relationships are, so that your children will have a healthy contrast when they encounter negative relationships.

Be nosey! Monitor all phones, emails and social media sites you allow your children to participate in.

Be involved in all their relationships, know their friends.

If your household does have a particular religious belief, cultivate your children’s spiritual growth with consistent participation in all activities related to your family’s spiritual practice.

Be involved in your children’s school activities.

Most importantly, be the example, which is true leadership, and there is no greater example of true leadership than a healthy, loving, nurturing and involved parent.

When negative behaviors occur, deal with them, but get to the root.

Do not accept unacceptable behavior, but be mindful to use those moments as an opportunity to continually cultivate a deeper relationship with your child.

Don’t react, but respond to both the symptoms of negative behaviors, while being creative in understanding the cause of any negative behavior. Parents must be the first responders on the scene for our children in all ways. This does not mean parents do not need support from others, but this does mean that parents must lead the way.

eNannySource: What is an at-risk youth? How can parents identify if their child is one?

Anthony: I strongly feel the term “at-risk” should be used more cautiously and with deeper contemplation. Remember that youth who are labeled as “at-risk” are at equally high certainty of healing and transformation. There are many factors in “at-risk” environments that we as parents and youth workers cannot control outside of our homes. An example of this is getting pinned down in the middle of a shootout simply picking up our sons or daughters from school. For the purpose of this interview, I am focused on what we as parents and youth workers can control. However, let us not lose sight of the fact that for many youth, even when they are fully engaged in every positive endeavor their lives, are still at risk due to what occurs in their surroundings.

In general terms, an “at-risk youth” is any young person who is at greater risk of becoming involved in negative lifestyles such as drug and alcohol use or gang involvement. At-risk youth are also at higher risk of being victims of violence, as well as being subjected to compulsory “care” within institutions.  Although there are many systemic factors in this particular topic, with just as many factors that are outside the sphere of control for parents, the home is where risk factors are either significantly increased or decreased.

I’ve witnessed and experienced very healthy home lives in the middle of environments that held little resources. I’ve also witnessed and experienced very unhealthy home lives within environments that held many resources. Within our homes is the environment that we can control, so make it loving and supportive.

Identify your child as the miracle they are and hold to that regardless of anything. Before the doorway of any negative lifestyle is walked through by our youth there are signs. Some such signs can be withdrawing from people, changes in friends and changes in dress, a drop in grades, truancy issues, negative attitude and negative language and turning their back on the things they once loved, like a particular sport or playing music. These signs are significant symptoms. Are these signs always a symptom of gang involvement and/or drug use? Of course not; however, in order for us to know what these signs and symptoms are for our children, we have to meet our young people where they’re at. Rest assured that before our young people walk into negative lifestyles, they first turn their backs on their own hearts due to pain, loss and tragedy that went unrecognized, unsupported in healing or were caused within the home. Our work as parents is not to just force our children to get their grades up, but to know them – know the deeper issues of why their grades went down. Address these symptoms with the intention of getting to the cause of these changes so that the heart is healed. Heart to heart is not just a phrase; it’s what a real healthy relationship is.

eNannySource: What’s your best advice to parents of at-risk youth?

Anthony: Take the lead in the great reclamation of the optimal potential of your family. Lead yourself to good parenting programs and support groups. Lead your child to outside resources, such as youth and mentoring programs. Grow with your child and face the intergenerational trauma and unresolved issues with your child so that you grow together. Break any negative cycles that exists within your family with true courage that only love can provide. I know this process is not easy, as a matter of fact it is at times very painful, but it’s worth it! We can ignore the pain that leads to more pain, or we can courageously face the pain in a supportive manner with our children to free ourselves and our children from unresolved injustices. There are many available programs and services for youth and parents, just reach out. Help is a word used by the strong!

Anthony Goulet has been working in youth prevention and intervention for the past 21 years. Anthony has led gang prevention and intervention programs, as well as prisoner reentry programs. He has worked as a Certified Addictions Counselor with gang affiliated youth and adults providing relapse prevention for substance abuse and criminal behavior.  Anthony is also the author of God, Help Me Tie My Shoes! The Sacred Contract of Fatherhood, which was a finalist in the 2012 Hay House Nonfiction writing competition.

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Expert Insights with Susan Tokayer and Becky Kavanagh, Co-Presidents of the International Nanny Association

February 17, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

For most all of my own nanny career, I have been involved with the International Nanny Association. As a member, board member and employee of the association, I was privileged to have seen the value membership brings to those who join and actively participate. Recently I caught up with co-presidents Susan Tokayer, owner of Family Helpers, a Dobbs Ferry, NY full-service domestic agency, and Becky Kavanagh, an award winning nanny/household manager who has more than 22 years of in-home childcare experience. Here’s a snip-it of what they had to share about the nanny industry and the association.

eNannySource: What is the International Nanny Association?

Susan: The International Nanny Association, or INA, is a nonprofit educational association. We are the umbrella association for the in-home childcare industry. Our mission is to provide information, education and guidance to the public and to industry professionals.

eNannySource: Why should nannies join INA?

Susan: Nannies benefit in many ways from joining INA. By joining, they affiliate themselves with a professional association that works to educate the public and employers about what a professional nanny is and does. Over the past two decades, as the public has been educated to view nannies as professionals, nannies’ salaries and benefits have increased. The membership dollars of nannies (and all members) allow us to promote our message.

Becky: As a nanny, I feel it’s beneficial for all nannies to be members and participate in an industry-related group. INA is the only umbrella organization for the entire industry, and in my opinion INA is “the” organization to join. I actually joined INA prior to starting my first nanny job because I felt so strongly that I needed to be connected to other professional nannies.

eNanySource: What are the benefits of membership for nannies?

Becky: Beyond the obvious networking opportunities with others in our industry, there are a list of member benefits on our website. I believe the most valuable benefit, though, is the high quality annual conference INA provides that features continuing education for nannies and expanded information for all industry leaders and businesses. For me, the networking and connections with professional peers is the most valuable component to membership and to attending the annual conference.

Susan: INA nanny members have the opportunity to be involved and help guide the industry by their participation in writing articles for the newsletter, INAvision, volunteering to work at the conference or committees and joining the board of directors.

eNannySource: The annual conference is certainly the must attend nanny event of the year. What else can you tell me about it?

Susan: The annual conference is the industry’s most highly attended conference, and it gives nannies the opportunity to attend several workshops and network with other nannies from throughout the country and the world.

Becky: INA’s annual conference is held in different locations around the US in the spring of each year. In 2013, we will be gathering in Louisville, Kentucky. The program is full of celebrating all that is unique about the nanny industry. INA offers sessions that appeal to all of us, as well as those that are specific to agencies, nannies and specialty nannies, like newborn care specialists.

eNannySource: What top three tips can you share with nannies currently  seeking employment?

Susan: The most important thing for a nanny seeking a nanny position is to remember that you are a professional. Thinking of yourself as a professional will affect every aspect of your job search in a positive way. From the way you dress for a job interview to how you put a portfolio together, it’s all different when you think of yourself as a professional nanny.

Most professional nannies have taken some type of training to work with children, and I can’t emphasize enough how important education is. One of the ways nannies can differentiate themselves and make themselves more marketable is to carry the certificates from their trainings in their portfolios. Trainings vary, and you don’t necessarily need a college degree to work as a nanny. But taking online trainings, attending conferences and keeping your CPR and First Aid up-to-date will make an impression on prospective employers. By participating in continuing education, you convey to an employer that you like your profession and are interested in learning things that will help you perform your job better. It also says that you are self-motivated to stay up-to-date on current trends in your profession.

I mentioned a portfolio earlier, and I think having up-to-date, well organized paperwork is crucial. A well written resume with no misspelled words is critical. All reference phone numbers should be correct and all dates of employment should be accurate. A portfolio that contains notes, cards and pictures your past charges have drawn for you, for example, shows both your professional side and your warm, nurturing side: A winning combination!

Becky: In addition to what Susan said, I think it’s important to know your market and understand your value in that market, understand the areas of your “must haves” and “compromises” and use a variety of sources for your search.

eNannySource: Is there anything else you’d like our readers to know about INA or the nanny industry?

Susan: I feel fortunate to be working in this industry at this time. INA and other associations have worked hard to make changes in our industry and I see the results of these changes every day in my work with both nannies and families. Compared to when I began working in this industry 18 years ago, many more families and nannies do view nannies as professionals. Nannies and families understand that the law requires them to pay taxes, they know that nannies are entitled to overtime pay and many more families and nannies are completing written employment contracts. We still have much to do in our industry, but we have come a long way!

To learn more about INA and its annual conference, visit www.nanny.org. Those who are new to INA and joined after June 1, 2012, and who have never attended an INA Annual Conference, are eligible for 50% off of their conference registration.

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Catching Up with Angela Miller Season 12 American Idol Hopeful

February 16, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

If you’re an avid American Idol fan, you already know that there are high hopes this season for Angela Miller of Beverly, Massachusetts. In fact, many Internet predictions and spoilers name her as one of the top 20 girls and some even as the next American Idol.

Although Angie has a significant hearing loss in both ears, she hasn’t stopped chasing her dream and developing her gift.

I had a chance to catch up with Angela during Hollywood Week on American Idol. Here’s a little of what she had to say.

eNannySource:  I’ve heard you say “dream big.” What does that mean?

Angela: Dream big has been a motto of mine for a long time. I think it is important for everyone, no matter how old you are, to always dream big and never settle for second best! This motto means so much to me I even have it tattooed on my back. I also call all of my supporters Dreamers!

eNannySource:  What do you have to say to kids who are dreaming big and watching you live out your dreams?

Angela: I hope and pray that I can set a good example to every single person watching me on American Idol and inspire them to chase after their dreams just like I have! 

eNannySource:  I know you have a super close relationship with your brother Jon. Why do you think that is so? What do you think your parents did to encourage it?

Angela: I do have the most amazing brother Jon Miller, and the most incredible parents! My parents have set an amazing example. They are the most incredible and supportive parents! They are always there for my brother and me and always encourage us in our music!

eNannySource:  How did you discover your talent?

Angela: I have been singing for my whole life!  I think around the age of 9 is when I realized how much I love singing and realized I wanted to do it for the rest of my life.

eNannySource:  What encouragement do you have to kids who are trying to discover theirs?

Angela: Everyone has a gift. Everyone. If you don’t know what it is, keep searching and don’t give up! It doesn’t have to be something like singing or dancing, it could be something as simple as being gifted in hospitality, communication, or encouragement. Whatever it is, it can be used powerfully!

eNannySource:  What’s your favorite kind of music to sing? Who is your favorite singer?

Angela: I love ballads that are very edgy and gritty! Like soulful R&B. My favorite singer is definitely Jessie J! Love her!!

eNannySource:  Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Angela:  I am SOOOO excited to be a part of this American Idol journey!! And I can’t wait to see all that is going to happen! Thank you so much to everyone who is supporting me! All you Dreamers 😉

Tune in to American Idol Season 12 to see how far Angie goes. You can learn more about Angie Miller on her website http://angiekmiller.com/.

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What to Do When Your Nanny Texts Too Much

February 12, 2013

It seems that phones today are used less for making actual phone calls and more for texting people and surfing the Web, something that can be a great convenience or a great distraction. Texting has become a concern for many nanny employers as more and more nannies come to work equipped with smart phones and make regular texting a part of their day. So what should you do if you feel your nanny is texting too much during the day? Here are some tips to help work out the issue.

Think through your fears and feelings. Before you approach your nanny, take some time to understand your objections. Are you afraid that she isn’t paying enough attention to your child because she’s texting? Are you afraid your child’s safety is at risk because your nanny is distracted by her phone? Are you annoyed because you’re paying her to work and not chat with her friends? When you understand how you feel, you’re much better prepared to have a productive conversation.

Decide what limitations on texting you’re comfortable with. Before talking with your nanny about the issue, think about how much texting, if any, you would be comfortable with. Would you be fine with your nanny texting while your child was napping? If your nanny were texting to plan activities for your child with nanny friends, would that be all right? Do you want her to text you updates and pictures throughout the day on what your child is doing? It’s important to get your nanny’s input when coming up with a final plan, but you have to know your own limits too.

Be aware that those limits may change over time. If you recently hired your nanny, you might be much more cautious because you don’t know her well. You might feel more comfortable with her texting once you’ve built up feelings of trust. Your child’s age may matter too. Texting may bother you more now that your child is an active toddler than when he was a baby napping for a good part of the day.

Talk with your nanny about the issue. Giving constructive criticism isn’t an easy job. This is especially true in the nanny/family relationship, where the lines between the personal and professional relationship are often blurred. However, it’s important that you address your concerns directly with your nanny and work towards a solution, rather than just letting things worsen.

Outline your concerns to your nanny and let her know how you feel about her excessive texting during the day. Let her know that overall you think she’s doing a terrific job and highlight the other things she does on the job that you really appreciate. Give her the opportunity to share her thoughts and give an explanation. Chances are, she never realized her texting was a problem for you. Outline the limits that you’d like to put in place, being as specific as possible. Vague guidelines like “Texting is OK when you’re not busy” or “Just make sure your texting doesn’t get in the way of paying attention to Derek” don’t offer any real guidance. Guidelines like “Only text when the baby is napping” or “Only text when she’s at school or in an afterschool class” let the nanny know exactly what your expectations are. Talk with her about how she feels about these new limits and how they might affect her attitude on the job. Many nannies see texting friends and family as a daily lifeline to the outside world and don’t want to give it up. Your nanny may feel your limits are too confining or controlling. If that’s the case, you want to know that so you can work with your nanny towards a solution that works for both of you. Generally, when both sides have an equal chance to share their feelings honestly, a compromise can be found.

Check in with your nanny. It’s always a good idea to check in with your nanny after you’ve discussed a problem or put a new agreement in place. This is no different. Let her know you appreciate her efforts in working through the texting issue with you and see how the new limits are working for her. Thank her again for taking such great care of your child. Knowing her hard work is appreciated will go a long way to smooth over any hurt feelings.

Excessive texting while on the job is a new, but growing problem many nanny employers face. If you find yourself in this situation, addressing the issue head on is the best way to find a solution that works for both sides.

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