Expert Insights on Choosing Disposable Diapers with Heather Tomoyasu of Miny Moe

October 30, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Baby’s bottoms aren’t all created equally. Recently I had a chance to connect with Heather Tomoyasu of Miny Moe, creator of the diaper sampler that was named one of Red Tricycle’s 2013 Top 10 Most Awesome Baby Shower Gifts, to learn more about what parents should consider when choosing a disposable diaper. Here’s a little of what she had to say.

eNannySource:  How did you come up with the idea of a diaper sampler as a baby shower gift?

Heather: When my son was a newborn – just eight months ago – we both had terrible leaking issues. For him, it was an ill-fitting diaper, and for me it was non-absorbent nursing pads. I was exhausted, frustrated and up to my ears in unnecessary laundry! We finally found brands that worked for us after wasting too much product, money and time. After the fog of the newborn period lifted, I decided to offer diaper and nursing pad samplers so that other new moms and dads wouldn’t have to go through what we did!

eNannySource:  What makes diapers different?

Heather: From first glance diapers don’t look so different, but when you get down to it the differences are many! What materials are used to absorb the goods, what chemicals are used to process the diaper materials – chlorine or bleach, etc. – and what fragrances are used to make them smell baby powdery and yummy – all of these can cause rash or irritation for some babies and/or not mesh with a parent’s view of safety for their family and the environment. The amount of liquid they can absorb and the rate of absorption also differ. The cut of the diapers is a huge difference as well – one brand will fit a short and stout baby perfectly but leak terribly on a taller and leaner baby. Some have an umbilical cord cutout and some have a strip to indicate wetness. Some are three to four times the price of others.

eNannySource:  What makes a good fitting diaper?

Heather: If the diapers aren’t leaking, I’d say you’ve found a good fit! Unfortunately, there is no way to know which brand will fit your munchkin except through trial and error!

eNannySource:  How do parents typically pick a favorite diaper?

Heather: Word of mouth seems key for picking a diaper brand – a lot of parents just go with the brand that a family member or friend recommended to them. Unfortunately, what worked well for a friend’s baby may or may not work well for your little one! Other parents just stick with the brand they were given in the hospital, while some turn to Google and leave it to eeny-meeny-miny-moe to select their brand!

eNannySource:  Tell us about your score cards you provide customers?

Heather: I broke down what I felt were the most important factors in choosing a diaper: price, softness/irritation, fit/absorbency, cuteness/design and eco-friendliness. As parents go through their sampler, using the diapers from each of the brands they rate each brand based on those factors. When you’re done with the sampler, you tally up the scores and the brand with the highest final score is your winner! The feedback I’ve gotten is that the score card makes it really fun to test drive the diapers and it is helpful – it includes photos of the diaper and the manufacturer’s packaging, so you can easily find it in the store.

eNannySource:  Is there anything else you would like to share?

Heather: We’re so honored to have been named one of the Top 10 “Most Awesome Baby Shower Gifts” by Red Tricycle’s 2013 Totally Awesome Awards. Miny Moe’s diaper and nursing pad samplers make unique and extremely helpful baby shower gifts, especially since expecting parents usually don’t realize how significantly different the brands can be!

 

Residing in Brooklyn, Heather Tomoyasu is owner of Miny Moe, blogger on her site US-Japan Fam, expert mom for the new app Mommy Nearest, and most importantly mommy to a sweet 8-month-old boy.

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Why School Lunches Could Be Adding to the Obesity Epidemic and What You Can Do to Help

October 28, 2013

As your child walks in from school, takes off his backpack and slumps on the couch, obviously exhausted from a full day of school, you may wonder why his energy has vanished. Ask him what he had for lunch in the school cafeteria, and you may find your answer.

From pizza and French fries to fruit dripping with rich corn syrup and canned, processed vegetables, your child’s food choices may be less than desirable to a health-conscious parent. It’s no wonder your child’s energy is gone and his clothes keep getting tighter.Australia

Many parents are finding that school lunches could be adding to the childhood obesity epidemic. Luckily, there is something you can do to help.

What’s For Lunch?

“The problem with many school lunches, or meals rather, is that they are highly processed,” says Elizabeth Prebish, registered dietitian for Organic Life, provider of healthy lunches in Chicago, Illinois. “Many school lunches include processed meats, fried foods and high amounts of sugars or carbohydrates.”

With restricted budgets to feed large quantities of mouths, typical food service companies use conventional meats that contain hormones, antibiotics and steroids – all things small children do not need, says Prebish.

In addition to lunch, it’s possible your child is filling up on sweets as well. The school lunch system provides many opportunities for sweets, including offering ice cream and bakery items, not to mention chocolate milk. “Having these items as daily options is definitely a contribution to the obesity epidemic,” says Prebish. “These processed sugars are addictive, leaving children craving the same foods not only in school but when they are home as well.”

Snack Time

From Halloween and fall festivals to school picnics and class parties, a celebration with food is a common occurrence in the classroom. Beyond the gorging of party cookies and cakes, some nutrition experts believe that even healthier snacks scheduled into the daily classroom schedule can contribute to childhood obesity.

“The number one way in which schools contribute to childhood obesity is by scripting snacks into the daily schedule,” says Adrienne Hew, nutrition specialist and founder of NutritionHeretic.com. “Children who are well fed do not need snacks – having snacks scripted into the schedule drives them to want to eat even when they are not hungry.”

The idea of incorporating snacks into the school day derived from a practice used for diabetics that uses small meals throughout the day to help keep blood sugar steady, says Hew. “However, the snacks that are offered to children would kill a diabetic – crackers, cookies, Cheerios and juice,” she says.

Cooking Up Change

In order to prompt change, parents need to offer solutions and suggestions to school districts and school board members. Offering a viable solution that is realistic with decreased school budgets is key.

“I would love to see schools engage with the community by going to local farmers or food co-ops and cutting cheap or free deals to absorb their leftover produce or produce that isn’t perfect for selling at the stand but can still be salvaged for making soups, stews and salads,” says Hew.

Another inexpensive option would be to recruit culinary students to complete internships in the schools as apprenticing or head chefs under the supervision of the person who normally is in charge of budgeting, suggests Hew. This economically-appealing option would give interns the opportunity to practice their skills, prepare healthy, innovative meals for school lunches and afford the district with a cost-effective option.

Parents can also advocate for a food service system that offers more natural products, says Prebish. “If this is not an option, work with your food service provider to determine more healthful substitutions that the children will also enjoy,” she says. “Try for more natural, and even organic, products wherever possible.”

In addition to working with food service systems, make yourself known at school board meetings. Parents can work to improve lunch selections by speaking to the board, the community and fellow parents. At each meeting try to provide a suggestion for healthier options, such as replacing meat-based burgers with veggie burgers.

According to Dr. Timothy Radak, faculty member in the Public Health program at Walden University, veggie burgers typically have one-third the amount of fat, no cholesterol and are similar in regards to the amount of protein as meat-based burgers.

Suggest cost-saving, evidence-based ideas to show the benefits to the district’s bottom line and the overall health of each student on campus. Schools could also reduce or eliminate some foods with health risks, such as red meat, processed foods or sugary drinks, says Radak. “Use the cost savings to provide more fresh fruits, vegetables and low fat, nutritious meal options.”

More importantly, educate your child about food, healthy eating habits and smart options for lunch. It is possible that when given the option, he may toss out the pizza and French fries for the veggie burger.

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EnannySource.com Insider Tips for Slaying Your Child’s Monster

October 25, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

From the fear of shadows to the belief that there’s a real live monster living behind their bedroom closet door, it’s not uncommon for children to share their bedtime concerns. In fact, around the age of three, when children’s imaginations are really developing and nightmares can be frequent, it’s not unusual for children to become terrified at bedtime. Bedtime is, after all, a scary place. It is dark, lonely and quiet.

While it can be tempting to ignore a child’s fears or brush them off as silly, don’t. At this age, children need to feel heard and when you acknowledge your child’s fears you’re building confidence in your parent and child relationship and deepening your child’s sense of trust. Instead of saying “Big boys don’t get scared,” try “You know when I get scared, I think of happy things” and share some of your childhood fears and how you persevered through them.

You can also try to find out the root of the child’s fear. Is it a creaking door that’s setting off his monster radar or perhaps he watched something on television that seemed harmless at the time, but has taken on a life of its own once the lights went out. Ask open ended questions, like can you describe the monster?, to help get to the root or trigger of your child’s fears.

Once you’ve let your child know that you’ve heard his fear and you’ve tried to figure out the root of it, be his superhero and set off to slay his monster. While you certainly don’t want to convey that monsters really do exist in his room, you can certainly tell him the truth, that monsters are pretend and exist only in books and on television, you can also take steps to prove yourself true and show him that there’s really nothing hiding under his bed.

Since no tactic or trick will work for every child, all the time, you may have to try a few strategies before your child’s monster is put to bed once and for all.

Wondering how some of the folks at eNannySource deal with their children’s fears? Check out these magnificent monster slaying tips below.

We did two things – for one child, we put one of my shirts in her bed to help her to remember that I am there, and then with the other child we put a picture of mommy and daddy by the bed and told her if she got scared to look at the picture and remember that we love her.

Ken Myers, President, eNannySource

If my kids have a bad dream I have them draw a picture of it and make it funny. For example, if there was a scary man, I have them draw the scary man with a great big clown nose or whatever they can to make it funny. If they don’t want to draw we just talk about it and change the dream in some way to make it better.  What also works well are the stuffed animals with lights at the top that fill room with stars. Even my teenagers love them.

Lorin Biederman, Operations Manager, eNannySource

I have used a book called The Moon in My Room.  It has a night light in it that the kids can push, but then it goes off after a few minutes. I also used to go around and inspect the room with them before bedtime to make sure we looked in all the usual places for monsters before the lights went out. You can also use the Tinkerbell approach and give them a remedy for Monsters. Remind them that “just like Tinkerbell needed you to believe in fairies to make her better, you can think about your favorite things – think about what they look like, how they smell, or feel – to fight the monster, if you think that there are any, and they will lose all of their power.”

Rachel Lawrence, Placement Specialist, Morningside Nannies

And my best tip?

Get out the monster spray. Fill a spray bottle with water and add a drop or two of a soothing essential oil, like lavender, for good measure. Create a “no monsters” label with your child, affix the label to the bottle and turn it to mist to spray those monsters away.

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Expert Insights on 9 Mistakes Nannies Make that Drive them from the Profession with Glenda Propst

October 13, 2013

When the best nannies need nanny advice, they turn to Glenda Propst, seasoned nanny extraordinaire.  With nearly three decades of nanny care under her belt, it shouldn’t be surprising that this nanny has seen both the best and the worst the industry has to offer and opens her heart to support and advise nannies as they face change and challenges working in this one of a kind career. When not mentoring a nanny personally, Glenda, who was also the 1991 International Nanny Association Nanny of the Year, shares her words of wisdom with the nanny masses at www.nannytransitions.com.

Over the almost 29 years I have spent as a professional nanny, I have learned a lot about people and a lot about the people who choose this profession. There are nannies who find jobs easily, breeze through interviews, and have great relationships with their employers long after a job ends. Then there are nannies who get stuck in a terrible rut of taking jobs that sound wonderful and end up not being as they were described, taking jobs with families who take advantage of their good nature and their willingness to be flexible, and taking jobs with families who work them long hours, pay them low wages and expect their nanny’s life to revolve around them. These nannies typically end up leaving jobs on bad terms with little or no future contact with their previous charges.

It seems like nannies who find great jobs always find great jobs and nannies who don’t find great jobs just repeat the same experience over and over with new families.

With nearly three decades of nanny experience under my belt, I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes and I learned a lot the hard way, but there are things that nannies do that perpetuate the pattern of being taken advantage of in job after job. When I visit nanny messages boards I read the same story over and over again – most often from the same nannies.

So what are the top 9 mistakes nannies make that make it difficult to be successful in this industry?

• Not having a work agreement. A nanny goes on an interview and falls in love with the family. The family says all the right things. Will taxes be taken out? Of course! Will I have vacation time? Oh yes! How about sick days? Absolutely! Overtime? Sure! Work agreement? No problem. It all sounds so wonderful and so simple in the interview. You’ve asked all the right questions and they gave all the right answers. Now it’s the night before your start date and you still don’t have a signed work agreement. You love the family and you want to trust them; they keep telling you they are working on it, and you believe them. Then you start the job and you start to get attached to the children and you say “When are we going to go over my work agreement?” and they make up an excuse. But once you press the matter they tell you “Well we just aren’t comfortable with that” or “Our attorney advised us not sign one,” or maybe they say “Our friends said they don’t have one with their nanny.” It doesn’t matter what the reason is, here is the bottom line: Don’t start a job without a work agreement. A work agreement may or may not hold up in a court of law, but signing a piece of paper that outlines the terms of employment you agreed upon shows a measure of trust and faith and starts your professional relationship off right.

• Putting their love for the children above and beyond their own personal needs. Nannies love children and fall in love with the children in their care. You can almost consider this an occupational hazard. I will be the first to admit that I can’t imagine loving my own child more than I love the children that I nanny, but most nannies who become parents will tell you that they do. You can love a child you take care of as long as you remember that this is not your child. This will never be your child and no matter how long you stay, this child is going to grow up whether you are there or not. You are not the parent.

• Not having a life beyond that job that consists of anything beyond childcare. It’s great to be a part of the family. It’s great to be included in family meals and special occasions. But you need to find something to do at the end of the day when you are no longer on duty that’s unrelated to your work.

• Not having a hobby or other involvement in anything beyond the nanny industry. It’s important to have something to do when you are not working. It’s fine to get involved in the industry, to get involved with INA or NAEYC, or to help plan Nannypalooza or National Nanny Training Day. Write a blog, have a webpage, do something to give back to your industry. Doing so is wonderful. It grows you professionally, it moves you beyond your comfort zone, and it connects you to a bigger part of what you do. But you still need to have something else to be a part of that isn’t industry related. Scrapbook, write, create, garden, but grow yourself in some way that isn’t related to your job.

• Not developing friendships beyond the nanny industry. When you become a nanny it’s so important to connect with other nannies. Developing friendships with other nannies makes us feel like we aren’t so isolated in what we do, but it’s equally important to have friends beyond the realm of the nanny industry. It keeps you balanced and well-rounded and it gives you different perspectives of what other people think.

• Thinking that they are indispensable to a family. Families fall in love with wonderful nannies. If you want someone to love you, love their child. They love you and they make you promises like “We want you to stay forever!” “We want you to stay until our children go to college.” “We will make sure you can stay with us, we will help you do whatever you want, just promise you will never leave us. “ And oftentimes, nannies believe the fairy tale. We believe that if we are good enough, work hard enough and love the children enough, our jobs will truly never end. But this is just a fairy tale. All jobs end. It doesn’t mean that the relationship with the family has to end, but it does have to change, and this is often hard for everyone. It’s so much better to just know the reality from the beginning and not get blindsided by the ugly truth.

• Not staying up to date with the latest research on child development. Staying up to date with the latest research regarding child development is essential to your professional growth. This is especially true if you stay with a family long term and then the job ends. You need to be sure that you stay abreast of what is going on in the field of child development so that you are employable when your job ends.

•  Getting caught up in the extravagant lifestyle of their employers. Over the years, I have seen this happen a lot. Nannies work for wealthy people and are included in their lives, in their travel plans, in their vacations, in their upscale shopping and suddenly, they magically think that they are a part of their wealth.  All of the sudden they decide that they can only have Coach purses and designer clothes and they start to live on credit cards and fool themselves into thinking that because they are on the fringes of the upper class, they have arrived there. Until the bills start to come in and they can’t keep up with them, or the job ends and they can’t find another job with the same benefits and perks. What then? They face a harsh reality that they don’t have their employer’s money.

• They become the door mat. The best nannies are the nannies who love themselves enough to take care of themselves so that they can take care of others.  Being a great nanny doesn’t mean you have to be a door mat; in fact, it means you should not be a doormat. You should know yourself well enough to know what kind of family situation you work best in. You should know what it will take to keep you happy and motivated in a job. Being a great nanny means being your best self and projecting a professional image that says to potential families: I’m worth it!

 

Glenda Propst has spent the last 28 years working as both a live-in and live-out nanny. She has been with her current family for almost 20 years. Glenda lives in St. Louis with her husband Terry, and their cat LeRoy. Through her site, www.NannyTransitions.com, she offers support, guidance and advice to nannies who are in the process of leaving their work families.

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Introducing Our Newest Partner Nanny in the Clouds

October 10, 2013

Flying alone can be tough. Flying with kids can be a nightmare. Fortunately for parents who want to make the trip to their destination easier, there’s a perfect solution. Through an exclusive partnership with eNannySource, parents seeking an extra set of hands on flight through Nanny in the Clouds have access to the eNannySource network and its national database of caregivers who are currently seeking caregiving assignments. 

Julie Melnick, founder of Nanny in the Clouds, recently took a few minutes to share a bit about her business and the new partnership with eNannySource.com. Here’s what she had to say.

eNannySource: What is Nanny in the Clouds?

Julie: Nannyintheclouds.com is the first company of its kind to match parents flying with kids with sitters already booked on the same flight.

eNannySource:  How did you come up with idea for Nanny in the Clouds?

Julie: I came up with the idea while on a flight with my son. I had a very difficult time navigating security with him and I also struggled to entertain him throughout the five hour flight. It was almost impossible to carry his heavy car seat through the aisles of the plane to get to our seats without asking someone to help. I knew then that if I ever planned to travel again with my son, I’d need an extra set of hands.

eNannySource: How does Nanny in the Clouds work?

Julie: All parents have to do is go to our website and enter in their flight information. We’ll search to see if there is a nanny who has signed up to work that same flight or if there is a nanny who has entered the same itinerary who might want to help.  Through our new partnership with eNannySource, when parents request an inflight nanny, their job will be made available to nannies in the eNannySource network. Parents can also search the eNannySource network for a caregiver to accompany them on their flight or to provide care at their final destination.

eNannySource: Have you pitched Nanny in the Clouds to airlines? What do they think?

Julie: Yes, and most of the airlines have loved the concept, however we need to grow organically before they will move forward with a partnership with us, so that is what we are focusing on at this time.

eNannySource: What’s your best tip for families and nannies who want to connect in the clouds?

Julie: My best advice for would be to sign up on our site as soon as possible to get your info into our system. That way, we can alert you when a sitter signs up for our site who can give you a hand or when a family signs up for our site who needs a hand.

eNannySource: What do you see as the biggest value Nanny in the Clouds provides?

Julie: Our biggest value for parents is the peace of mind and comfort that comes from knowing you are not alone on the journey with your kids. For sitters, we provide an opportunity to subsidize the cost of a plane ticket.

eNannySource:  Do you screen nannies?

Julie: Currently we ask the nannies to provide two verifiable references. While we are working with a background checking company to provide screening tools, through our partnership parents can utilize the background checking tools at eNannySource.com.

eNannySource: What’s the feedback been like?

Julie:  The feedback has been extremely positive. We have been written up in The New York Times and have been named as an Entrepreneur Magazine 100 Brilliant Companies of the Year.

eNannySource: How to you think the partnership with eNannySource will affect Nanny in the Clouds users?

Julie: Our partnership with eNannySource allows us to reach so many more nannies across the nation, which will allow more parents to take advantage of our service. We are thrilled to partner with eNannySource.com and are looking forward to helping families and nannies connect in the clouds together.

Visit http://nannyintheclouds.com/ to learn more about finding an in air childcare provider. 

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Ways Parents Can Help Their Kids Have a Good Player-Coach Relationship

September 23, 2013

Respect is at the center of the player-coach relationship. With a setting that is based on respectful behavior, all members of a team can thrive. A parent’s role in helping a child to have a good relationship with a coach is one of instruction, encouragement and support. Unless you, the parent, are the one doing the coaching, it’s not possible to control how the coaching is handled. However, you can work to provide positive support that will enable a child to have a good experience.

Age-Appropriate Expectations

Although children at different levels have different physical and behavioral abilities, it’s always possible to teach respect. Important aspects of respectful behavior include paying attention when the coach speaks or models a skill, listening without interrupting, following directions, trying new skills and asking questions in a polite manner. Additionally, respectful behavior involves not being distracted by other kids. Simple use of polite words and behaviors can also help form a positive relationship. Teach your child to thank the coach for his time at the end of practice.

A young child can stray off task easily, and distractions are common in early league levels. However, coaches working with young children are generally trained to keep activities shorter to accommodate age-related needs. As children grow older, more attentive behavior can be expected as longer drills and activities are provided. Help a child to enjoy a good relationship with coaches at any level by reinforcing respectful behavior with encouraging words. Correct your child when inappropriate behavior is observed, and be sure to praise positive behavior.

Model Respectful Behavior

Your child doesn’t have control over his arrival time. Being late to practices and games can create problems for the coach, and it’s on you to make sure your child arrives on time. The team can also suffer if multiple kids are late or absent. Good communication from a parent can help. Let your child’s coach know if he will be absent or late. Make it a point to be on time for official activities. Follow through on commitments to the team, especially those involving things like after-game snacks or important forms.

A parent who expects a child to show respect for an authority figure like a coach must also model such behavior. If you bad-mouth the coach’s style, decisions or other actions, your child may assimilate some of these same sentiments into his own behavior. If he perceives negativity on the part of Mom or Dad, he may feel that he is justified in acting out or criticizing on his own.

No coach is perfect, and parents often disagree about a coach’s decisions. However, helping a child to have a positive experience means that it’s important to avoid attacking  his coach publicly or privately. This can be tough, especially if there is a perception that the coach hasn’t treated a child fairly. However, it’s important to remember the power you have as a role model.

Act in a Supporting Role

Coaches often appreciate the availability of parents during practices and games. Having a parent available makes it possible to quickly deal with serious behavioral issues. Additionally, having a few parents help out can lighten the duties of the coach by making it easier to manage drills and other administrative tasks. Consider volunteering as a team parent and assisting a coach in coordinating distribution of team notices, uniforms or fundraising materials. Demonstrate a willingness to help set an example for a child while supporting the coach. Parental support can do a lot to keep a child’s relationship with the coach positive.

Dealing with Differences

It’s important to realize that no matter how attentive and cooperative a child is, the player-coach relationship is two-sided. There will be times when a parent may not agree with how a play is handled, where a child is positioned, or when a child has to sit out for a play (or longer). An unintended slight can lead to a negative relationship between parents, players and coaches. It’s important to address concerns directly with the coach. Similarly, teach a child to ask questions respectfully if he disagrees with how a situation has been handled. Help your youngster understand that the coach is the leader and has the responsibility for decision-making. It’s important not to over-exaggerate small issues. At the same time, a pattern of oversights may require some private discussion.

Ongoing Development

Your child will have many coaches over time. Every coach will be unique in his approach to team discipline, drills and game strategies. It’s important to help your child understand that respect is an ongoing priority. Encourage him with positive points at the beginning of a season, and continue to model support and cooperation in order to facilitate a pleasant player-coach relationship.

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Ways to Get Your Children to Clean Up Their Playroom Together

September 19, 2013

Getting children to clean up their playrooms can be challenging. These little individuals with their unique personalities do not always want to cooperate. Nevertheless, children can be taught to be responsible for their mess.

According to child psychologists, children are most receptive to learning in the first five years of life. As soon as children are able to select toys, they can be expected to tidy them away. The following tips have proved helpful to parents:

• Use rewards such as stickers/stars or favorite treats to encourage cooperation.

• Set rules such as no television until the playroom is cleaned-up.

• Make a game of it: See who can pick up the most items, or play silly games by pretending you do not know where to put something. For example, should the toy truck go in with the soft toys? Label bins with the names or pictures of the toys to be placed in them and ask your child to teach you where to put things. Children are tickled when they have to teach adults how to do something. Let them show “silly mommy” how to tidy up.

• When one child is unwilling, draw up a schedule and let children take turns tidying up. The unwilling child will soon see that it is better to do things as a team, rather than having to take on the task by himself. Stress how much easier and quicker it is when everyone works to clean up the playroom together.

• Purchase a new dustpan specifically for use in the playroom. Children will prefer to scoop up a number of items at once, rather than picking toys up singly. This is especially useful if toys do not have to be sorted.

• Harness their love of raking leaves: Purchase small carpet rakes for them to rake toys closer to storage bins or into neat piles. Doing so will aid their hand-eye coordination as well as improve their muscle development.

• It is better to provide many shallow storage bins rather than a few deep ones. Children will pull out all the items from a bin to get to a favorite toy at the bottom. With shallower bins, toys will be within easier reach.

• Rotate toys: Pack away unused/outgrown toys to prevent undue clutter.

• When friends come over to play, ask the visiting child to help tidy up when play is finished. He helped to make a mess, so it is important to teach your child that everyone is equally responsible for cleaning up. Children have a keen sense of fair play. Your kids will resent being asked to do all the work while their friend sits out.

• When purchasing toys, bear in mind that toys with lots of small parts will make tidying up more challenging. For instance, Legos — while fun and brain-building — can be murder when it’s time to pack everything up. As such, spread out a clean, old sheet when children play with Legos or other small toys. When play is over, the Legos can be enclosed within the sheet and placed in a bin until the next time.

Things to Avoid

• Do not expect perfection. Your playroom doesn’t have to pass a military inspection. As long as the playroom is reasonably neat, accept it.

• Do not nag! Children will learn to block you out. Their blood pressure will not skyrocket, but yours certainly will. It is better to negotiate with your child. Negotiation gives children a sense of control and involvement in the decision-making process.

• Do not show favoritism. The children who use the playroom should be held equally responsible for cleaning the room.

• Do not expect tidiness from your children if you do not tidy up after yourself. Is your “playroom” — kitchen, home office or garage/workshop — a perpetual mess? Children learn what they live. Teach by example.

At times, it might seem like too much trouble to get children to tidy their playrooms. It might even be tempting to clean up yourself. However, engaging in free play is vital to a child’s wellbeing and to the development of an inventive brain, and cleaning up after themselves is a skill they’ll need to master as they grow. Getting them into the habit of cleaning up can be tough, but it’s worth it.

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Expert Insights on Competitive Activities with the author of Playing to Win Dr. Hilary Levey Friedman

September 18, 2013

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor in Chief

Recently I read a fascinating article in the Atlantic entitled “Soccer Isn’t for Girly-Girls? How Parents Pick the Sports Their Daughters Play.” Perhaps it was because I literally had just signed my soon-to-be-going to kindergarten daughter up for soccer that the title got my attention, but what I read within really captured it. So much so, that I reached out to author Dr. Hilary Levey Friedman to find out a little more about her work, her new book and what she makes of competitive activities for kids. Here’s what she had to say.

eNannySource: What separates a chess mom from a soccer mom from a dance mom?

Hilary: In many ways, not much. All of them want what is best for their kids and are concerned about the long-term futures of their children. I did find some general differences in the groups of parents I met (for example, chess parents were the most diverse in terms of race and ethnic backgrounds and soccer parents were the most affluent) and it surprises some people to hear that some of the chess parents I met were the most involved with their children’s activity– especially because they see such maternal misbehavior on a show like Lifetime’s Dance Moms.

eNannySource: In life, you aren’t always going to be a winner. How do you feel about programs that award trophies to everyone?

Hilary: As the parents and kids I met will tell you, in the end participation trophies don’t mean much. Among them, the youngest kids were excited the first time or two, but kids are savvy and quickly realize they don’t mean they really “won.” And parents claim they just collect dust! For kindergarten and below, maybe first grade, they can be a nice treat – but after that and in general they are pretty meaningless.

eNannySource: What are the first words that come to mind when you hear “Toddler’s & Tiara’s?”

Hilary: A staged show filled with families almost desperate for 15 minutes of fame.

eNannySource: How scheduled is too scheduled when it comes to extra-curricular activities?

Hilary: Kids need some downtime, but they also like to play with friends. If you miss family dinner every night of the week, that is definitely extreme. Making time to sit down together and not eat on the run or in the car is important for all kinds of reasons, as research has shown. It doesn’t have to be every night or every meal, but talking is important as well.

eNannySource: I read an article where you shared a little about your experience with a nanny and your resistance to call her that at times. Do you still have a nanny? What do you call her? Have you done any work on how having a nanny affects a mother’s relationship with other mothers? What are your thoughts on this topic?

Hilary: Yes, we still have a nanny and most of the time I call her a nanny, though sometimes to people I don’t know as well I say we have childcare or a babysitter. I myself haven’t done any research on this topic, but I think moms should support one another; in general though, in my experience, moms with similar arrangements (whether it be a SAHM, a working mom with kids in daycare, or moms who have in-home childcare through nannies or au pairs) seem to gravitate toward one another.

eNannySource: What’s the most important message you want to share with parents?

Hilary: I want to encourage parents to expose their children to lots of different activities and support the ones the kids love the most. It’s extremely important to ask lots of questions when choosing programs and teachers/coaches (make sure they have had CORI checks, ask about their experience with the actual activity and their teaching/training to work with young kids), but then parents should step back and let the teacher they trust take the lead. Also, for those who read Playing to Win, I want them to come away with new knowledge about how and why competitive afterschool activities work the way that they do, and reflect on their own parenting decisions.

 

Hilary Levey Friedman, PhD is an affiliate of the Malcolm Wiener Center for Social Policy at the Harvard Kennedy School. She recently completed a postdoctoral fellowship at Harvard University as a Robert Wood Johnson Scholar in Health Policy and she received her PhD in Sociology from Princeton University. Her first book, Playing to Win: Raising Children in a Competitive Culture, was just released. To learn more about Hilary visit http://hilaryleveyfriedman.com/. 

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4 Ways to Start the School Year off Right

September 17, 2013

By Marcia Hall

The new school year is upon us and as parents gather all the supplies their child will need to start it off on the right foot, they should also focus their attention on healthy routines that will help everyone stay on track though the entire school year.

• Work with your child before school even starts to come up with your nightly routine.  Some children thrive when they can complete their homework right away and then use the rest of the night to hang out and play.  Other children desperately need some down time before they can focus on homework at all.  Talk to your child about this and come up with an agreement.  Maybe your child wants to be given the freedom to make that choice one day at a time.  If he is old enough and has shown good judgment in the past, giving him this control can really help him to feel responsible. Let him know that this arrangement is dependent on him keeping his agreement to get his work done, but also give him the encouragement he needs to know you believe he’ll succeed.
• Don’t underestimate the need for relaxation.  It is good for your child to have extracurricular activities but it is equally important that he have some unscheduled time that he is free to do the things he loves to do.  Your child will rarely tell you that he feels he is too busy and needs to stop participating in some activities however his actions will indicate when he has had enough.  Sometimes parents need to help their child make the difficult decisions in regards to activities that are good for him and those that are simply stressing him out.  If it is something that he really loves, work hard to make compromises elsewhere.  If it is something that YOU really want him doing, help him to know that it is ok if he sets that aside and takes some time to relax.
• Don’t underestimate the importance of healthy sleep patterns.  The need for sleep is highly misunderstood by a lot of parents.  It is the first thing to be sacrificed when the schedule gets too full.  But the reality is that teaching your child to get the sleep he needs can be the most valuable gift you can give him.  Enough sleep will help him get sick less often and pay attention more in school, sports and other activities.  It will also help him find the healthy work/life balance that so many adults today lack.  Start a few days before school begins by setting a family bed time.  Obviously adults will not necessarily be going to bed at this time but it can be the time of night where the house simply settles down.  Lights are turned off or dimmed, loud TV shows are turned off and work is put away.
• Talk to your child about goals for the year.  A great way to get this conversation going is to ask your child what he wants to be when he grows up.   Helping your child understand that the reason for school and homework is to develop skills and habits that will help him in his daily life as he gets bigger.  It is very common for frustrated adolescents to say “why do I need to learn math?  When I grow up I can just use a calculator.”  When parents talk with their child and help him to see that math, reading, science, etc. are useful to every adult it can help the child see the big picture.  Setting a few small and simple goals can be easy from there.  Maybe your child struggled with reading last year.  You can set small goals that will help him feel that he is achieving more.  A child that struggles with spelling can set the goal to get just one 100% on his tests in the first quarter. Achieving that goal will motivate him to try for another goal and soon he will love the feeling of achieving these goals.

The first few weeks of school can help set you up for a great year.  Helping your child build good habits takes a lot of perseverance and support.  Someday you will see the results and you may just receive a thank you for it.

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Why Parents Shouldn’t Settle for a Nanny

September 16, 2013

Making the decision to include a full-time childcare provider in your household is an important one. Unfortunately, the process of interviewing, vetting and finding the perfect nanny is rarely a walk in the park. When the clock is ticking and you simply have to find a childcare provider, it’s tempting to settle for the closest approximation to what you’re looking for in order to get things moving. This may save you a bit of time and effort from a short-term perspective, but the decision to settle for a nanny who doesn’t fit the bill you have in mind can lead to real trouble in the long run.

A Bad Fit Often Leads to Turnover

When you hire a nanny at the last minute and decide to turn a blind eye to her lack of requisite experience or references, you’re running the very real risk of bringing an unqualified, incompetent childcare provider into the mix. While there will be someone there to look after your children, you have no real way of ensuring that the kids are receiving the kind of care you expect or that they’re being attended to by a professional caregiver. Deciding to give an inexperienced nanny who’s eager to begin a career a chance is one thing; after all, everyone has to start somewhere. When you make a hasty decision to hire the least objectionable candidate, however, you’re effectively deciding to bring in an interim childcare provider who may or may not adhere to the guidelines you’ve put in place. In a worst-case scenario, your children could be neglected or even abused. More likely, however, is that they’ll just be disappointed and confused at yet another disruption in their routine and sense of stability when the nanny they’d just become accustomed to is either sent packing or decides to quit without notice. In the end, you’ll be scrambling for a replacement just as frantically as you searched for the original nanny, with little to show for your efforts aside from upset children and a disrupted home environment.

Patience is a Virtue

There’s a reason why this venerable proverb has been able to stand the test of time. When you take the time to find a quality childcare provider rather than settling for the first one who comes along, you’re more likely to find a childcare provider who is a good fit for your family and who works well with your children. Extending an offer to the first applicant you interview means you could miss out on the right nanny entirely or be faced with the difficulty of figuring out how to terminate a newly extended contract in favor of taking on the Mary Poppins clone that you found a week after hiring a sub-par childcare provider. It’s far better to start your search as early as possible and wait until you’ve found the right candidate than to hire one you’ll only let go of when a better candidate comes along or be miserable with until she chooses to quit.

Follow Your Instincts

Many parents find themselves settling for an applicant that they would not have hired under better circumstances, but others settle for an applicant who, on paper, is a perfect fit. In the process, however, they’re ignoring a niggling feeling or instinctual dislike of a childcare provider who comes highly recommended and passing over one they feel much more comfortable with, due to a lower level of professional experience or education. It’s important to have a strong idea of who you’re looking for and what qualities are important to you before you start the interview process, but it’s just as important to keep an open mind and follow your instincts. If your gut says that there’s something wrong with an applicant who, in theory, is perfect for your family, it’s far better to choose not to settle than to find out later on that she’s completely wrong.

You Know Your Child’s Needs

There’s a reason why parents build a list of characteristics, qualifications and qualities that their nannies must have: they know their children and they know what those children need. Settling for the first applicant through the door might net you a warm body, but she may not be the person to adequately meet your kids’ needs. This especially holds true if your child has special needs that a candidate isn’t particularly well versed in caring for or a behavioral issue that’s difficult for inexperienced childcare providers to manage. You may have to make some complicated interim arrangements until you find the nanny who will meet and exceed your expectations, but it’s a juggling act that will prove to be well worth it when your kids are healthy, happy and safe. The peace of mind that comes with knowing your children are well taken care of in your absence will also boost your own quality of life.

In the end, finding the ideal nanny may take more time than you expected. You may even have to adjust your expectations a bit if you find that they’re unrealistic. You should not, however, settle for a nanny who you know is just never going to be a comfortable fit within your household.

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