by Michelle LaRowe
Editor-in-Chief

As I’ve had the opportunity to interview some of the nanny and mom stars of ABC Family’s Beverly Hills Nannies, I thought that the dad’s needed some attention too. I had chance to catch up with Barry Pettitt, millionaire real-estate mogul and new husband to Ariane Bellamar about life as a stepdad, nanny employer and reality star.

Here’s how he answered my questions.

eNannySource: Barry, during episode one you seemed to cause a little trouble. From what viewers saw, you said hello to Amber and she said hello back, but then you reported her to Ariane for disturbing you. Was there more to the story?

Barry: Yes, in a way there was. As what actually happened was that Amber had brought her dog to our home – albeit not a problem for us, but as it was on Day One it was somewhat of an unexpected event; at least for me!  I had heard it barking in the garden whilst I was upstairs on the outside balcony in the middle of an international business telephone conference call. I could also hear “human” sounds, which led me to believe that it was someone other than my wife – especially as it was much louder; with the decibels and tone range being significantly higher than normal. After aborting my call – due to the background noise being professionally unacceptable to continue – I then went to seek out Ari in order to find out what was going on and also to gently suggest that perhaps the noise of both canine and canine owner be kept to a minimum, especially when outside and  if I am on the phone. Ok, I am English; therefore I did not want to be rude or too direct, especially on Day One.

eNannySource: How is your relationship with Emma? As a non-biological parent, do you engage in any of the discipline? What advice for step or adoptive dads do you have with regards to disciplining their non-biological children?

Barry: Fortunately for me, I am blessed with having a wonderful relationship with my beautiful and amazing, she takes after her Mum, daughter. She is such a joy and brightens up my day, every day.

Of course, as her dad, I get the both best and worst jobs in being able to teach her whatever I can with regard to certain disciplines, and also discipline, in order to try to hopefully help her in her life ahead with manners, hygiene, friendliness and gentleness being some of the majors, and, of course, there are the inevitable times when I have to be the “bad cop” as Mummy is always the good cop and I have to discipline Em, however, I always try to do it in a particular way which is softened by politeness, a gentle voice and a kind of turnaround; whereby, for example, bath times can involve daddy getting splashed or co-playing with bath toys, or bed-time ends up with us both playing iPad games before then turning everything off and going to sleep.

My advice to any step or adoptive dad is to simply enjoy the moment – as any child is both beautiful and amazing – so to be able to have the opportunity to love them, teach them and help them grow up with confidence, happiness and self-esteem is probably the greatest gift of an opportunity that can be bestowed upon any adult in their lifetime – much better than anything else, well, except for making more children, of course!

eNannySource: I was really impressed with how much slack you gave Amber the day of your wedding when your childcare arrangements fell through. I imagine having to even think about childcare on your wedding day was stressful.  If that was me, she would have been fired on the spot! Why didn’t you insist she show up? Although she got Kristin to cover, wasn’t the ultimate responsibility of providing childcare hers?

Barry: Great question! I am lucky in that I eat stress for breakfast; business-wise. Therefore, this was not considered an emergency; after all, no-one had died or was critically injured – although possibly if Ari had taken the call first there might have been an ambulance, or two, involved. However, I feel that sometimes it is best to listen, learn and assess the damage from the culprit, I mean victim, ok, I mean from Amber. She gave me the problem, literally, and also during the call she gave me her solution – I also tried to give her a way-out, albeit as a kind of test; which had she taken it would definitely resulted in some consequences immediately thereafter – but, to her credit, she stepped up to the occasion in terms of taking full responsibility and, in doing so, made it to the wedding, Although, I must say that I did not appreciate her walking up the aisle with Emma; as we had already pre-arranged that Em would walk up the aisle on her own and also say “ME !!!” when asked who gives Ari away – Anyway, it was a wonderful wedding !

eNannySource: How involved are you in with managing your real-life nanny and the screening and hiring process of finding a new one?

Barry: I would like to say that I am equally involved in all aspects but always tend to leave the final decision on those particular things to Ari – unless if I see she is maybe being taken advantage of, like when Amber tried to make out that Ari had treated her poorly and Amber could not continue. On those occasions I will then step in and take charge, i.e. Me Tarzan, She Ari, or my attempt to be a Knight in Shining Amour – well, I always want to try to be a romantic Englishman to my wife.

With regard to our existing nanny at our ranch in San Diego, where we have an informal animal rescue and lovely home, she is really fantastic and we are very, very lucky to have her and her husband to look after Emma, and us, as well as our animals and our home.

eNannySource: We learned from the show that you spent some time in the hospital. How are you feeling now?

Barry: Thank you for asking and I am feeling very well. I actually had a dissection of one of the arteries to my brain; which if I had not gone quickly to the doctor, who then immediately sent me straight to Cedar Sinai Hospital, it could have been critical – so I was very, very lucky. Chances were apparently 1-in-350,000 that it would probably have resulted in a stroke or aneurism. Therefore, I am smelling the roses every morning.

eNannySource: What do you think it takes to be the right nanny for your family?

Barry: I really believe that there is no one formula. It really depends on the uniqueness of the nanny being someone who can provide us, Ari, Em and me, with confidence, comfort, peace of mind and happiness of course. We are a highly charged, dysfunctional and demanding family leading lovely and exciting lives, however, we believe in trying to treat people in the same way we would like to be treated and therefore we would like our nanny to be an integral part of our family; feeling as happy with us as we are with her or him.

eNannySource: Do you have any other children? If so, were they cared for by a nanny? What was your experience like?

Barry: Yes, I am lucky to have 2 other children – Ben, 22 and Laura, 29. They are both married and doubtless working of making me a grandfather, which would make Ari the world’s most beautiful and sexiest step-grandma or even step-nanny; as I called my maternal grandmother “nan”.

Unfortunately, they were not cared for by a nanny. They both went to excellent boarding schools, which is an English trait that I now realize is probably unreasonably archaic, unless there is a really, really good reason not to bring up your children at home. And it was a time for me when I was perhaps too young, inexperienced and somewhat stupid in not truly recognizing that my own childhood as an only-child without parents being brilliantly brought up by my lovely Irish nan in London, was not exactly the norm. And so whilst I wanted to give them the best possible academic education, by sending them to the best-of-their-kind boarding school, where the Princes Charles, Andrew and Edward went, with whatever money I could earn and spend -while having to travel 4 – 6 months a year around the world on business, I was nevertheless in fact depriving them of the real love that only a dedicated family can give at home. A mistake I will never make again with Emma or any more children that I hope we will have in the near future.

eNannySource: Do you like being a television reality star? Are you hopeful for another season?

Barry: Actually, that is very kind of you to say so, although I have to respectfully disagree with me being a TV reality star, as the stars or Super-Stars, in my eyes are Ari and Emma. They really make the show and stand out above all others.

Yes, I am hopeful and crossing my fingers and toes for another season – as I really, really want Ari to continue her chance to live her dream; both on and off camera, of course!  She is such an amazing mother, wife and also co-parent to all our animals – horses, cow, pigs, goats, chickens, ducks, peacocks, birds and dogs – to name some – and has the most beautiful heart – even though everything else on the outside is also just a beautiful!

You can watch ABC Family’s Beverly Hills Nannies Tuesday at 9 PM/8 Central.

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor-in-Chief

Recently I had the opportunity to catch up with Ariane Bellamar, Playboy Bunny, turned mom, turned reality TV star. From why she chose her real-life nanny to what she thinks a nanny should earn, here’s the scoop from the mom star of ABC Family’s reality docu-series Beverly Hills Nannies.

eNannySource: Ariane, I’ve enjoyed tweeting with you about all things nanny. Thanks for taking the time to answer some of my questions on twitter and now here.

Ariane: It’s been super to connect with you on Twitter also.  I admire your dedication and realistic overview of the nanny world!

eNannySource: You mentioned in real life, you have a nanny. What made you choose her as the one?

Ariane: Well, because …. her cute appeal is 9.5!  But seriously?  She’s dependable, flexible, easy to get along with and most importantly Emma absolutely adores her.  A mom can tell by looking into a situation whether the caregiver is simply going through the motions or if they are truly connected with your little one.  She/He needs to be able to get down on the child’s level to win their affection and trust.

eNannySource: What do you think is important when choosing a nanny?

Ariane: My main concern as a mother is Emma’s safety.  Barry and I travel periodically and I need to be totally comfortable leaving Emma in their care.  Being away from your baby is always difficult, but would be impossible if the right caregiver wasn’t in place.

eNannySource: What do you consider the role of a nanny?

Ariane: Our nanny is an extension of our family.  As all of America now knows, I am very particular and expect a level of excellence.  In our lifestyle there is little room for error (such as having your car repossessed leaving you with no transportation to get to your place of employment).  They need to be dependable and have an absolute commitment to our family, as they are a part of our family.

eNannySource: We’ve talked briefly about your current nanny search. Are you really looking? How will you find her? Define you’re the perfect nanny for your family.

Ariane: I am looking!  With a (hopeful) second season in the mix it will be interesting to see who can handle the Bellamar family!  They need to be everything I’ve mentioned so far and it wouldn’t hurt if they had a sense of style or a certain level of class – it makes for an easier fit into our lifestyle and social circle.

eNannySource: Are Beverly Hills moms as high maintenance as they appear? Would you ask your nanny to rub your feet like Marika asked Justin?

Ariane: I am high maintenance and I know it!  Beverly Hills and Malibu are unlike any other place …. This is our reality.  If we were any other way, we wouldn’t fit in with everyone else that lives in this altered reality we call SoCal.  But no …. I have a masseuse for the foot rubbing!

eNannySource: What about the duck cage? Didn’t Amber have to do that? Do you think that falls within a nanny’s responsibilities?

Ariane: I do expect my nanny to get a little dirty occasionally.  I personally put myself through school while supporting my grandmother by waiting tables and have cleaned up my fair share of nastiness for well under $35 an hour.  I am not asking her to do anything that I have not had to do in the past – and with a smile.

eNannySource: You inspired my first article on Beverly Hills Nannies entitled 5 Things You Should Really Rate Your Nanny On that was published the day after the first episode aired. You rated Amber on her looks. Do looks really matter?

Ariane: I wouldn’t say that “looks” matter in particular, but appearance is important to me.  My nanny needs to be neat, tidy and well put together – they are a reflection of our family.

eNannySource: We’ve gone back and forth about fair compensation for nannies. What do you think is fair? Why do you think Beverly Hills Nannies demand high salaries? Are they worth it?

Ariane: In my personal opinion I feel that $25 per hour is a fair rate for an experienced nanny.  I would make exceptions for a nanny who has special qualifications such as a background in healthcare or the ability to speak and teach a second language.

eNannySource: I know we’re watching reality TV, but how real is Beverly Hills Nannies? Are viewers seeing their real you?

Ariane: The viewers are definitely seeing an altered version of me – some of which is very realistic and another part that makes for good TV.  Reality TV is all in good fun and shouldn’t be taken in an overly serious way.  The show is fun and entertaining – everything that it should be!

eNannySource: You’ve told me the Bellamar family will back for a hopeful Season 2 of Beverly Hills Nannies. What can we expect?

Ariane: I’m ready for a nanny that can give me a challenge!  I like to poke fun and would enjoy having someone with a quick wit to match me.  As for Em, she just loves to be on the “TV Party” as she calls it!

You can watch Ariane Bellamar and the rest of the cast of ABC Family’s Beverly Hills Nannies on Tuesdays 9/8 central. 

$40 per hour salaries? Full benefits? A brand new car and designer duds? We couldn’t help but wonder how seriously to take ABC Family’s new hit show “Beverly Hills Nannies,” so we sat down with Katie Vaughan of Westside Nannies, Beverly Hills’ premier nanny placement agency, for the inside scoop of what it’s really like to work in America’s most prestigious zip code.

eNannySource: Are nannies really making $40 per hour and receiving full benefits?

Katie: Unlikely, says Vaughan. According to this placement queen, an experienced and educated nanny working in Beverly Hills makes $20-$25 hour on average. On occasion, extremely high caliber jobs will pay large annual salaries (upwards of $80,000 per year), but these are rare opportunities for seasoned, veteran nannies that have already experienced the ups and downs of working in a high-net worth home. As for benefits? Also a rarity, says Vaughan. About half of her clients offer health insurance when offering a new nanny a position, but again, full benefits are typically only offered for very elite positions.  Most of the time, nannies must be willing to accept the fact that the industry they work in does not offer the same benefits a corporate job might, and while Vaughan wishes more clients valued the idea of offering their nannies benefits, it still isn’t commonplace.

eNannySource: Rubbing a principal’s feet – what was up with that?

Katie: In her 7+ years as owner of Westside Nannies, Vaughan has never once heard of a nanny massaging their principal, and would be more than concerned if this request was made – and fulfilled – by one of her candidates! “As far as Westside Nannies is concerned, massaging an employer – even if it is just their feet and it’s done in a playful manner – is totally inappropriate and bizarre! This was definitely a scripted scene – this just does not happen.”

eNannySource: We also couldn’t help but notice that each featured nanny was stunningly attractive, stylishly dressed, and primped to the nines. Is this really reflective of the Beverly Hills nanny candidate pool?

Katie: Absolutely NOT, reports Vaughan. “We represent nannies of every age, size, and race out there. I was actually shocked to see how limited the representation of nannies on the show is – it couldn’t be more skewed. We interview dozens of candidates each week, and are looking for poised and professional childcare providers – not poised and professional childcare providers who also look like models! Having placed nannies in high-profile and celebrity homes, I can tell you that they definitely do not all look – or need to look – like they’re ready for the red carpet. They need to be loving, genuine, and full of nanny experience in order to land a job; not just beautiful and thin.”

eNannySource: So what can viewers walk away from the first episode believing?

Katie: According to Vaughan, the perks of a top-notch nanny position can be incredible. While it usually takes time to build a strong rapport and sense of trust with a family before the gifts start flowing, she has placed nannies that have received all-expenses paid vacations, unattainable designer handbags, brand new vehicles, and cash bonuses (including one family who paid off their nanny’s entire college education)!

eNannySource: A free trip around the world doesn’t sound bad to us, but what’s the final consensus on being a real nanny in Beverly Hills – and not one filmed for reality television?

Katie:  “It’s tough, tough work. Our nannies work 60+ hour weeks, give up their friends and loved ones to commit to their positions, and aren’t taking leisurely lunch breaks and attending weekly spa sessions with the Moms who employ them. They are changing dirty diapers, putting together school projects, preparing dinner, and diffusing sibling rivalry everyday. They certainly aren’t going in each morning with a full-face of makeup and curled hair, are living off of reasonable salaries, and are usually driving a mini-van – not Porsche.”

Katie Vaughan is the founder of Westside Nannies, a boutique staffing agency with offices in Beverly Hills and San Francisco, that specializes in placing professional and educated nannies. Because of their high standards and discretion, the agency is known for placing nannies with high profile and celebrity families, and has been featured on programs such as Entertainment Tonight, Dr. Phil and E! News.

By Michelle LaRowe
Editor-in-Chief

Recently I was tweeting with Marika Tsircou, star of ABC Family’s Beverly Hills Nannies (follow her @MarikaTsircou) about the terrible teething trouble her beautiful baby boy is experiencing. After having a baby attached to me for more than half of my life and being paid to dole out advice in books and consultations, let’s just say making observations and giving unsolicited advice has become second nature to me. And that’s not always a good thing. Clearly.

And while of course, intentions are always good and comments are meant to be helpful, not hurtful, in the real world, especially in the social media world, that’s not always how they come across.

As I considered our exchange it served as reminder for me and one I’d like to share with fellow nannies, parent educators and others who dedicate their time and energy in partnering with parents to raise their children: We’re charged with walking a delicate line.

As we support parents in helping them to achieve their parenting goals, how can we ensure we build them up and not tear them down, even inadvertently?

First, we can consider our role. Clearly if you were brought in to help troubleshoot a discipline problem or hired as a full-time nanny, it’s within your role to share observations and advice. But if you’re an outsider providing back-up child care or a casual observer in a situation where you think you can help, it may be better off to bite your tongue unless you’re asked to give feedback.

Second, we can evaluate our motives. Does what you have to say truly benefit the child or parent or does it simply showoff your knowledge base? Are you trying to protect a child from serious harm or getting a parent to buy into your beliefs or style, just because you think it works best? While of course safety is always a good motivator to speak up, subtle differences in parenting styles may be best left unaddressed.

Third, we can consider our approach. Being a type A, straight-shooting Bostonian, I definitely struggle with my approach when sharing information or advice (ah, hello the Nanny to the Rescue! subtitle was Straight Talk and Super Tips…). I’ve learned over the years though, that parents receive information differently. Some parents prefer to have a casual conversation, other prefer to be presented with literature, studies and findings and still others are most receptive when you coach them through a problem and let them articulate the solution on their own. No parent, however, wants to leave any exchange feeling judged about their parenting. When sharing advice and information, know your audience and remember the old rule, it’s not what you say but how you say it.

Fourth, we can let go of the outcome. It’s only natural to want parents to take your advice, especially if you’re being paid to give it (ok, and sometimes even if you’re not). But the reality is that the outcome isn’t yours to control. As long as you’ve presented the facts, when appropriate, and clearly articulated any safety concerns, it’s ultimately up to the parents if they want to act on the information or advice you’re provided. 

Fifth, we can apologize if we overstep. If you’ve overstepped your role or if your advice has come across in a way other than you intended, it’s important to quickly apologize. Even the best intentions aren’t an excuse for putting off an apology.

Those who partner with parents are in the business of building parents up, not tearing them down.  Sometimes it’s important to step back and remember to evaluate our role, motives and approach. When we do, we’re less likely to be married to the outcome and to overstep our bounds.

by Michelle LaRowe
Editor-in-Chief

I recently had the chance to chat with Shaun Sturz, star of ABC Family’s Beverly Hills Nannies about what’s it’s like to be the most sought after manny by day and children’s book author and illustrator by night.

Here’s how our conversation went.

eNannySource: Tell me about your current nanny position.

Shaun: I am still working for the same family that I have been with for 6.5 years. The kids are teens now. When I first started as their manny they were 12 and 8 years old. They are now 18 and 14. My nanny role has definitely changed as they got older and they don’t need me as much. Now I mostly hang out with them and drive them around.

eNannySource: How do you define a nanny?

Shaun: A nanny is someone who loves kids and wants to make a difference in someone’s life. I define a manny as everything a nanny can do with added testosterone. Mannies don’t mind getting rough, tough and dirty. Like nannies, we provide the love and support and encouragement kids need. 

eNannySource: Are you a career nanny?

Shaun: I’m not! Looking back at high school, all of the jobs I’ve had have always been with kids. A life guard, swim instructor, soccer coach. With my first nanny gig, they asked me to be their nanny. I’ve fallen into this and I’ve always been hired by word of mouth.  I’m going in the children’s author and illustrator direction and I think being a manny has kept me playful and inspired my stories, but has also given me the time during the week to join writing groups and work with animators to really refine my craft.

eNannySource: Do you like the term manny?

Shaun: I love it! My mom was actually the one who told me I was a manny.  At first I felt kind of weird about it, but when I started with the family in LA, it was popular and I began to like the term.  It made me feel special. Kind of exotic.

eNannySource: Do you feel like it was hard to gain respect as a male child care provider?  

Shaun: Not really hard, but I think I had to gain it a different way. A lot of jobs I have gotten have been because I am a dude. The kids look at me like I am a play buddy and not a nanny. There have been times I got rough and tough with them and played, and these are some things a normal nanny might not do, but, I did demand respect from them and set the boundaries.  So at first they thought I was a play toy because I was so active, but over the years I’ve gained their respect.

eNannySource: Did you have to overcome any stereotypes being a male nanny?

Shaun: I don’t think so. Are there any?  I’ve never met a male nanny before the show.  If there are any, I think things are changing and I’m on the forefront of that. People have always asked me to be their nanny, so I’ve never had to overcome any stereotypes. 

eNannySource: You mentioned on the show you’ve started other businesses. What’s that about? Are you in business with Kristin?

Shaun: One business I started was with my dad – a high tech foam installation company. I didn’t love it, but I went through the whole process of setting up the business.  I am also starting to write books and develop my own brand as a manny/kids book author and illustrator. I offered Kristin help because setting up the business is something she really wants to do and I’ve done it.

eNannySource: I’ve read on ModernMom that you’re what you call a freaky eater. You don’t like fresh fruit unless it’s in a smoothie. What’s your best advice for parenting picky eaters?

Shaun: Yeah, that’s a texture thing. I’ve found that you can give kids two options: you can have this or that. But you can also try to disguise the food. This is what I do in smoothies and stuff. Don’t freak out if a kid doesn’t like something- they aren’t going to love everything. They need to grow and acquire tastes. I still pick up new foods I like every year. I don’t know too many people today who eat like they did when they were a child.

eNannySource: You came out on the show as a gay nanny. Have you experienced discrimination in the workplace because of that?

Shaun: None at all. Most people may not have known, though. It’s not something I really discuss. Being a manny you are in your employer’s house but there has to be some boundaries. I don’t necessarily tell them everything about my life.

eNannySource: Some of my nanny friends have asked why the nannies have to dress up on the show but the mannies don’t. What gives?

Shaun: What would we wear if we were dressed up for work? I’m not sure. Scrubs? I guess it doesn’t work for men like it does with the women.

eNannySource: Do you think men make better nannies?

Shaun: Honestly, it depends on the family and what their needs and wants are. For me, and maybe I am biased, I think that I have just as many qualities as a woman, but bring more to the table because physically I can do more and am more athletically inclined. 

eNannySource: Tell me about your books.

Shaun: Growing up my mom was an elementary school librarian. She’d bring books home but I only liked the picture books. I actually ended up being an art major in college. When I was a nanny for one family, the family had a dog that ran away on the beach. We found the dog on the next day.  I then had a moment and realized I should write a children’s book. A few years later, I am still working on it. I actually just sent out my final copy and am hoping to be selected to be published. The book is called Baxter Bu. Baxter was the name of the dog and the family was in Malibu, so Bu comes from that. The story is about a boy and his dog.  He wants to be accepted and runs away from home and tries to surf. He meets interesting characters along the way and learns that it is okay to be different and to have similar interests. He learns that you can accept and love each other, differences and all. The story is really a reflection of my life- being gay or whatever – to be accepted while thinking you are different and trying to fit in, but realizing who you are and fitting in as you are.

You can watch Shaun and the rest of the cast of Beverly Hills Nannies on ABC Family Tuesdays at 9/8 pm central.